To get annoyed at DP going to the gym every single day?

[singep]

He has always been fit, but he’s now going to the gym 6 days a week. Which is great to look after his health. I can manage about three times a week due to work commitments.

I work 60-80 hour weeks consistently and am frankly exhausted. I do most of the house work. Always do the online food shop. Entertain friends coming over for dinner. Plan our excursions and trips. DP “doesn’t notice the house being messy”. I do have high standards mind you.

AIBU to get annoyed that I have to do house work on top of an extremely demanding job, when he gets say 1-2 hours a day of gym/spa?

He’s absolutely taking the piss. You’re being way too accommodating.

Do you have children in this too? If not I think he can go to the gym when he wants, but if there’s children to consider then he’s being selfish.

Two separate issues, if he likes going to the gym while you're working frankly mad hours that's one thing. He can do that and still do house work. How much house work do you realistically have if you're both working/at gym most of the waking hours?

You need to delegate house tasks that don't need to be "seen" just done by him

Except that you don't have to do any of it.

is there a reason you are working 60-80 hours a week?

You are choosing to live your life this way.

How does the relationship enhance your life?

Don't be any man's domestic servant. Life is for enjoying.

How many times did he used to go OP.before he upped it to 6 days a week?
Did he discuss the fact he was intending to increase his number of visits?
Tbh going 6 days a week either smacks of an addiction to exercise or an ulterior motive- opting out of household responsibility or an inappropriate friendship.
Either way it's just not on given the hours you work and all the household tasks you perform. You need to have a serious discussion.

It's two separate issues, neither of which might be an actual issue. Although of course they might be. We don't have enough information.

Is he bored because you are at work 60-80 hours a week, so going to the gym? Is it a social thing for him because you aren't around? How many hours does he work? Going to the gym 6 times a week doesn't stop you doing other stuff. Loads of people go to the gym most days. I can go 4-5 times a week. But I work. See friends, family, partner, keep the house clean and tidy (but it looks lived in), and cook most of my meals from scratch.

If he isn't pulling his weight at home though, that's an unrelated issue to the gym. However. Do you have unreasonably high standards? Is he really messy or just what most people would call 'typical'. Why do you get to dictate the level of cleanliness/tidiness in a home where he lives to?

If you don’t have children then I think yabu.

This won't be popular.

But i have a teeny bit of an issue with people on here who say "I'm a neat/tidy/cleanliness freak and aibu to be annoyed my dp doesn't conform to my standards".

And the usual mn response is that the partner is wrong. (Presumably by other neat/tidy/cleanliness people).

And it won't go down well, but these threads always make me cringe a little bit.
Why should (it's usually) her comfort zone take priority?

In my 20s I lived in house shares. Cleanliness is always the lowest common denominator.

Person A has high standards.
Person B is sloppier.

Why does Person A's comfort zone HAVE to take priority?

Lots of mothers say they do similar on exercise threads. I personally don’t know how both partners can fit that in plus do everything else.

Why are you working so many hours though?

Agree with everyone else that you are conflating two issues. Going to the gym isn’t the problem, it’s not sharing the load at home equally.

But also, almost always people with jobs where they work those sorts of hours (magic circle law, investment banking, senior barristers, etc) have a lot of paid help at home to make it work. A cleaner once or preferably more often a week who does all the cleaning, ironing, changes sheets, empties bins, etc as a minimum. Often sends “big” laundry like the towels and sheets etc out with a collection and drop off service. Gardener if they have a garden. Certainly a nanny if they have children and if you get a smart one, you also trust her to arrange birthday parties, book extracurricular activities, etc. Why are you doing everything yourself?

A lot of stuff on that list is totally your choice:

• a job that requires 60-80 hours a week
• housework - with your kind of job, there should be plenty of cash for a cleaner/housekeeper
• entertaining friends- this is odd, where is he during the dinner? Or do you mean you cook elaborate dinners to impress people? Just order pizzas
• plan trips and holidays- totally your choice
• food shop - if you work 60-80 hours a week, you eat most of your meals separately, surely? So just buy mostly for you