To have nonchalantly told DP the sex of our baby

[EsperTillus]

I’m 11 weeks pregnant with our first baby. It’s an intentional pregnancy and very much wanted.

We are only in our 20s but decided to get a NIPT as one of my family members had a traumatic experience a few years ago when her baby was born with a trisomy that had gone undetected. Even though we knew we were very unlikely to have anything like this, we could afford the £300 to have the test done privately and felt it was worth it for peace of mind.

In the lead up to us going for the appointment, I kept saying to my partner “We’ll have the option to find out the sex too when they send the results, I think I’d like to know, what about you?”. he wouldn’t really give a clear answer and just kept saying “I’m not fussed about the gender, I just want to know it’s healthy.” I said I understood this but that we still needed to make a decision whether we were going to find out or not, I wanted to find out so he said we could.

I had the bloods taken on Saturday and got the results back today. I tried to have a few lighthearted conversations with him about how I was looking forward to finding out the sex to help me bond, and made a few comments about what things might be like if it’s a boy/girl. He never really engaged other than repeating he’s not fussed about the gender and just wants it to be healthy.

We got the results back this afternoon, whilst we were cooking lunch together. I told him I got the email and he told me to look. I scanned the document and saw that baby had come back low risk for everything, and I told him this. He stated he was relieved and happy. Right underneath where it stayed the risk for the conditions, it had the fetal sex clearly written in bold, so I couldn’t really miss it. I sort of waited for him to ask about the sex and he never did, so I said “It says here it’s a boy.”. He barely gave any reaction and just carried on cooking.

Later on he told me that the way I told him was a bit deflating and I could’ve put more effort in, said it in a more fun way or asked him if he wanted to know so it could’ve been a more memorable moment.

I feel this isn’t fair. He’d repeatedly told me he wasn’t fussed what it was so why would I make a big thing out telling him.

WIBU?

I didn't want to know and would have been appalled if my husband told me before the birth but this is mn only women's opinions count

Good luck raising a child with a whiny petulant man who will expect it to be All About Him.

Then perhaps he should have told her that he didn't want to know, instead of saying he wasn't fussed about the sex.

Also, considering she's the one growing the baby inside her body, yes, the woman's opinion does count more.

This.

This.

He has a LOT of growing up to do before becoming a Dad. Or he’s going to be a shit one and I predict you’ll be split before the baby is at school.

Honestly, now is the time to back right off any sort of mothering him you do. He needs to step up to be a fully functional person both practically and emotionally. You are not responsible for his happiness.

3 actually. They both sound a bit immature

“In the lead up to us going for the appointment, I kept saying to my partner “We’ll have the option to find out the sex too when they send the results, I think I’d like to know, what about you?”. he wouldn’t really give a clear answer and just kept saying “I’m not fussed about the gender, I just want to know it’s healthy.” I said I understood this but that we still needed to make a decision whether we were going to find out or not, I wanted to find out so he said we could.”