Page 2 | I'm done.. or did I overreact?

Torn0 · 2026-02-20T16:49:24+00:00

Marriage already strained. Yesterday it was my birthday. I say to my husband "what shall we have for dinner?", thinking he might cook or we'd eat out. He says "*I'm* having a nando's". Aibu to think it should have been worded better or considered what I'd like? I'm also vegetarian! (Appreciate they do vegetarian options). I just feel done.

Ponoka7 · 20/02/2026 21:47

I think it's indicative of how he feels about you. However, once you went with it, could you not have had something from the vegi menu, so you were eating with them? If your DS is being exposed to these dramatics, it's best that you split.

Adelle79360 · 20/02/2026 21:52

Torn0 · 20/02/2026 21:19

Not a takeaway, we were on the mini break at the time so all went into the town and he and my son ate and I just sat there trying not to cry.
I popped outside to compose myself and he just shook his head.
Then I went to the supermarket on the way back to our accommodation for mine.
Thank you for the advice, I think it can be heartbreaking even when you know its the right decision.

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Oh OP, this is worse than you made it sound in your first post. Ordering separate takeaways is thoughtless and not special for you, but at least you’d have been eating together as a family. The fact you felt as though you had to go and sit in Nandos despite not wanting to eat there yourself is just horrid. He doesn’t like or respect you. I wish you’d been firmer with him and said that wasn’t where you wanted to go on your birthday. But I absolutely understand that sometimes the disappointment and disbelief take over and you just can’t. I’m sorry this was your birthday.

Original poster

Torn0 · 20/02/2026 22:01

Adelle79360 · 20/02/2026 21:52

Oh OP, this is worse than you made it sound in your first post. Ordering separate takeaways is thoughtless and not special for you, but at least you’d have been eating together as a family. The fact you felt as though you had to go and sit in Nandos despite not wanting to eat there yourself is just horrid. He doesn’t like or respect you. I wish you’d been firmer with him and said that wasn’t where you wanted to go on your birthday. But I absolutely understand that sometimes the disappointment and disbelief take over and you just can’t. I’m sorry this was your birthday.

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Sorry, yes wasn't very clear. I bought a bag of pasta and sauce from the supermarket, cooked it myself and sat in a different room to him to eat it, then washed up.
Sounds pathetic when you say it out loud.
But he can't see why that's wrong...?
I'm not high maintenance in the slightest, but i know I'm worth more than this, especially on my birthday.
I woke up this morning thinking I would rather be alone than spend another birthday biting my tongue / being dismissed.

OP posts:

pinkyredrose · 21/02/2026 11:03

Do you really want to be with someone who doesn't give a fuck about you?

When you're back home check online to see what benefits you'd be entitled to, it may be easier to leave than you think.

Pancakesbythedozen · 21/02/2026 11:11

I remarried on my 44th birthday
.. This dh always puts my feelings first.

HugoThatway · 21/02/2026 11:14

Why didn't you say something like 'As it's my birthday, can we leave the Nando's for another time and have something we all like?'

PickledElectricity · 21/02/2026 14:13

Torn0 · 20/02/2026 22:01

Sorry, yes wasn't very clear. I bought a bag of pasta and sauce from the supermarket, cooked it myself and sat in a different room to him to eat it, then washed up.
Sounds pathetic when you say it out loud.
But he can't see why that's wrong...?
I'm not high maintenance in the slightest, but i know I'm worth more than this, especially on my birthday.
I woke up this morning thinking I would rather be alone than spend another birthday biting my tongue / being dismissed.

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Agree that's awful and you deserve more. He just doesn't care. I'm sorry. Do you ever see the adage online "if he wanted to, he would"?

Men really aren't as stupid as some people like to pretend, there perfectly capable of making an effort when they want to. They plan stag dos, holidays with friends and pub crawls. They can plan ahead to book strippers and venues. They can coordinate calendars with their friends when they want to.

I don't want to make you feel worse but I was vegan for 10 years and my partner would always look up local veggie places when we went away for my birthday or our anniversary.