To Think DSIL needs to stop with the odd comparisons.

[Silversushi]

My DSIL (my DH's lovely brother's wife) is expressing irk at the difference in incomes of my DS (20) and her DS (23)

My DS though relatively smart didn't engage with education and didn't want to try for University like his siblings.

Her DS is very bright hard working and a lovely lad is currently in last year of University (has 2 gap years).

Since a levels my son has started working in construction and really applied himself, gained some qualifications to work in site management and is earning nicely and is very happy in his role.

DN has just secured a grad role in an excellent company which will support him through to Chartered and beyond.

Now the crux of the matter is DS current pay works out at about £20k pa more than this grad role and she's mighty pissed off.

She's been muttering about the student debt to be repaid and the fact that my DS just has a handful of average A levels and that it's unfair. Said with a pout 😲

We had supper together on Saturday and she just couldn't let it go, despite us all (the 3 other adult) muttering about experiences, catch up over the years, career trajectory lack of security and continuous employment (for my DS) etc.

Luckily we had the Six Nations to distract a bit.

AIBU to think she needs to just accept that people have different circumstances and there's no benefits at all to comparison?

Even if someone is thinking it, they should never say it and put another person down..be proud of your DS for all he achieved. She should be proud of her DS for what he's achieved.

Just tell her, Yes I'm so proud at how well my son is doing. And you must be so proud of your son too, they are both doing so well!'

My sister and I have two children the same age. They both went to university and graduated in May 2025.

All any of us talk about is jobs and apprenticeships and how much they pay because it’s not easy to get a job. Should they get an entry level job in the industry they want to work in or should they get an apprenticeship for £5.11 an hour for thirteen months or should they keep their above MW jobs that they have now and keep trying to get ‘proper’ jobs in the field they want to work in. We are completely on both of their sides though.

Agree with this. Uni debt (and interest) is ridiculous these days, and what with professional wages in the doldrums and trade prices soaring, it's a very different equation to what it was when I want to uni. It's odd she's only noticed this now really!

If my son didn't want to go to uni and had a good alternative such as an apprenticeship I would totally support that, sad as it is. Uni is a very valuable experience but on a financial level it's often not worth it unless it's something that qualifies you for a very high earning profession.

I think with your SIL I would just acknowledge that yes, it's a very different landscape these days, you think your son made a good choice for himself and ultimately tell her she needs to drop it if she keeps on!

Wow, your son has done well! If it’s £20k more even than minimum wage, he’s on £44k minimum as a 20 year old, that is amazing!

Best he doesn’t discuss money around those family members, I’d say-keep it vague!

She's a complete pain - but I would just focus on being proud of your son. He sounds like he's doing brilliantly.