To be angry at this women

[Collectivethoughts]

So ive been apart of a mum group since my DC was 4, they are now 9. We as a group used to get on well and have get togethers at each others and I generally liked everyone.
I was always wary of 1 mum though. She is the one who invited me into the group and seemed to have set it up back then. I'd have said we were friends but not extremely close.
Anyway this group seems to have drifted since a couple in the group split and this women who set it up left the group chat for no reason at all. I asked if all was OK and she said she just needed to reset. She has been known to have random emotional outbursts and hibernate away. When she left our group chat she also removed me and a couple others from another group chat and distanced herself from everyone. We all had a get together at Xmas with the kids and although a bit awkward it was ok.
My ex isnt nice and has been awful to me which the group knows and this woman knows because shes asked me questions. I found out last week that she had asked my ex round her house to carry out some work. She could have asked so many other people its not niche. But she chose him. Even though shes all about "girl power" and friends looking out for each other.
She doesnt know i know but im just so angry at her. She also is messaging him being quite friendly with him (not in a romantic way).
Aibu to be angry, how do I approach it. Do I say nothing? I just think she is so two faced! She text me the other day wishing my child well after finding out he was ill from my ex.
I still have another 18 months until DC moves to high school.

Time to let this frenemy go.
Yanbu to be pissed off but don't give her any more power

Eugh. I don't like the sound of her at all. I'd be stopping that friendship.

She sounds like a drama llama. Removing you from the group was quite controlling. Although she can ask anyone round to do work, she could have chosen anyone except your ex. A better friend would have told you and given her reasons why. I don’t think I’d message her, I’d just drift from her and leave her to her games

You are another school mum, not her friend. I think you are misunderstanding your relationship with her.

Nothing wrong with being friendly, it doesn't make you friends.

Sounds like your well rid. Let her have him,, she will soon find out what hes like.
Can you set up a new WhatsApp with other mums,, if any are interested,?

She sounds quite devious OP but obviously she's using him to get a reaction out of you.

Do NOT give her the pleasure.

PS, just report any dicks who pull you up on your spelling.

I don’t think this is worth anger. It doesn’t sound like you’re proper proper friends, more acquaintances who are friendly to each other because your kids are friends. And he’s your ex not your boyfriend. Maybe she googled some reviews and he was the best or something.

She might think you're all just acquaintances who know each other through the kids. She probably asked your ex to do the work on the house because she knows he does that kind of work and thought he'd be less likely to scam her than a stranger. She wasn't hiding being friendly with your ex from you either, she let you know that they were in contact. None of that sounds worth getting angry over.

It's possible she's done it to get a rise out of you but if that were the case it's better not to give her the satisfaction of showing it's bothered you, so I'd try to let it go.

So you are annoyed about someone who isn’t really your friend talking to your ex? You do realise the replies you’d be getting if you were a man not liking other people talking to your ex? This really isn’t the big thing you think it is. It certainly shouldn’t be taking head space like this. Remember the word Ex has a specific meaning and the fact this is annoying you this much would suggest you are possibly not over your ex.

Simply put she's is a "pick me" girl, championing girl power whilst seeing every male in proximity as potential.

Give her no more thought; leave them to it. Better away from both of them.

Been there and honestly there are bitches everywhere. I was wary of this bint from day one but she was so full on and the only reason she ever asks questions is to gather intell to hit you with later. Lots of these snakes around. Shes well known now as a liar and shit stirrer and most people avoid her but you are best saying nothing or you will end up being on the butt end of a smear campaign. Ignore her and walk away fully is my lived experience advice.

wow

projecting much? 😂

Not at all; OP described behaviour unbecoming an actual women's champion. Instead deleting OP from group chats; not being forthcoming, then seeking OP ex to do work when many other people available. Just seems underhand drama llama stuff i'd distance myself from sharpish leaving them both in the rearview. Not projection at all. No idea how you'd come to that conclusion.

Would you advise OP to chase this woman?

I think she's not a friend she's a "networking mum".They act like a friend ,make a big effort when you meet a need for them or their child and you are an aquaintance that can be dropped like a hot potato when not needed and picked up again when she wants something (even if its just info)
The things you describe individually don't seem of much consequence but altogether i can see why it would feel uncomfotable.
Leaving the group chat.
Removing you from another group chat.
Distancing herself from the group
Employing your Ex who she knows treated you badly.
Messaging you about your ill child that she heard about from your EX.
individually trivial ,collectively starts to be an irritant.
I would distance myself and not reply to her messages because giving information can backfire on you .

how is booking a man for some work seeing every male in proximity as potential exactly?

I wouldn't advise anyone to chase another human being, would you?

But I also don't call everyone my friend just because we have children in common and are part of the same parent group. That's weird.

Agreed. OP is Giving the whole situation more effort and energy than it warrants.

I wouldn't advise anyone to chase another human being, would you?

No.. hence me saying in the original comment to leave both the woman and the ex in the rearview; get on with their day and leave them to it (whatever their agenda), behaviours you dont like (as explained in the OP), should mean you step away; not keep ruminating it. She isnt a sister or best friend, its a woman from school.

I mean i thought we were. I was invited to her wedding and I know other people who were invited to the hen do but not the wedding. I know her other friends too and have had get together with them so stupidly I did see her as a friend although not massively close.

She hasn't told me shes been contacting him. It actually was my DC told me she had text him a text and I asked ex and he sent me a screenshot of the conversation which im sure he had great pleasure in doing.

Like I said its not flirty or anything, just no loyalty especially after what id told her he had done to me.

Yes its this! I could tell from day 1 that she weren't all as she seemed. Should have trusted my gut and not told her anything personal

You’re angry because a school mum who isn’t a close friend has been talking to your ex partner?

Yes, YABU. Talking to your ex isn’t a crime. If she’s bothering you then just distance yourself from the friendship.

Thats not the point. If my ex was a nice human, I really wouldn't care. He is quite abusive towards me and this woman knows all this. Ive told her personal things. Shes then contacted him to do work round her house. She doesnt know him that well.
She could have literally called anyone else, easily. Why my abusive ex? Probably to get at me or get info from him about me. Just weird behaviour