Engagement, elopement, general sadness

[CMay922]

For context my parents got divorced two years ago and I’m an only child.

I recently got engaged to my partner of 7 years and the father of my daughter. I am ecstatic about it and really didn’t expect it as we are moving house soon and I just truly did not think he’d ask, let alone do it in the lovely, personal way that he did.

I announced to my mum first and got a very flat reaction, then to my dad who said ‘congratulations’ and then proceeded to tell me about his wife’s upcoming doctors appointment… we told our wider family a few days later and again, very flat reactions. It’s been a few weeks now and we haven’t even had a congratulations card. I just feel really sad about that, especially considering I’m an only child, I thought my parents would be pleased especially as they were a bit disappointed that we weren’t married before we had our child.

I was chatting to my mum a few days ago and she basically said ‘over my dead body will I stand in a room with your father’ I obviously laughed and said ‘well, apart from my wedding right?’ ….. she proceeded to shout at me and say she wouldn’t come to my wedding if my dads there. Whilst I always dreamed of the white wedding, I’m now seriously contemplating just eloping (with our baby there!) in the summer and being done with it. It’s not what we envisioned but I can’t bear the stress of keeping everyone happy.

i guess what I want to know is am I being unreasonable to A. Be upset at the general lacklustre reaction to the news of the engagement and B. Elope and deprive my parents of seeing their only child get married?!

Unless your father was violent to your mother her reaction is very much about her. She’s not putting her child - you - first. Pretty sad. Your dad also let you down a bit.

Don’t let them blunt your happiness. Have a wonderful day and holiday away alone as a family or with friends who are genuinely delighted for you.

Congratulations OP. Wishing you a lovely wedding day and years of happy marriage. 💕

The day will be so much easier without having to worry about other people kicking off around you.

Save your money to spend on a really nice place to go, a lovely dress, and delicious food and drink.

Enjoy making happy memories, and congratulations 💗

Honestly this. I would think it more a formality rather. I’m sure everyone already assumes you are married already. Just elope and save yourself the pain of all this drama from everyone

My partners dad died unexpectedly 2 years ago. His mum was very pleased for us - she actually said to us that we must do what feels right for us as she knows I haven’t had an easy time of it with my parents. She’s an extremely kind woman and I’m fortunate she’s so understanding really.

My dad was absolutely not violent. They had an extremely unhappy marriage for years and my dad had an affair. We didn’t speak for about 18 months as I was so upset by it but after my partners dad passed away I buried the hatchet so to speak.

I’ve mentioned previously but the marriage break down was due to an affair my dad had. They’d been unhappy for years (since I was old enough to remember really).

No reason really for my family to be unhappy, they all love my partner. He’s a genuinely kind man with a heart of gold and an incredible dad. He’s supported me through severe postnatal depression and subsequent loss of my job through time off and never so much as complained once. I’m back on my feet now and he’s still just as amazing as the day I met him, I feel very lucky to have his support.

I’m guessing, as others have said, it’s probably just not very exciting news as we’ve been together a while. I think I was just comparing it to previous reactions from family (e.g., my cousin announced and my auntie threw her a party etc.) I’m not saying I want a party or anything like that but just a bit of enthusiasm and a positive word would have been nice.

oh well! We had a chat last night and 100% are going to elope locally in the summer and celebrate with a little holiday somewhere. It will be lovely as I’m really excited to be married to my partner and as long as our daughter is there, that’s all that really matters to me.

I would not let your parents behaviour spoil what is a happy time for you. Your father has an affair and they split up. Your mother is acting like a spoilt child. Imagine saying that she not going to your wedding if he is there.

One of my friends is in a similar situation to you with her parents. He mother is still sour over his affair and the fact they split up over 20 years ago. The truth is her mother always wanted everything her way and was always complaining. She is still living in a big family home that her adult kids left years ago.
She also has a good pension and savings due to her ex husband. My friend said she never has a good word to say about her father and he is far more generous than her mother.

In your situation I would have a small wedding with friends where ever suits you.Your future mil sounds like a nice lady and is happy that you're getting married. To me marriage is more than a big expensive wedding but it's with the people that have been there for you and want you to have a nice day and a happy future. If your parents are going to behave badly or any one has the potential to cause problems ie drinking to much ect don't invite them either.

I hope you have a lovely wedding day and a long happy future.

Hi OP. Weddings do bring out the worst in some people and I'm sorry it's happened to you. Mine were a pain and I wish we had eloped. I heard after that it is very easy to get married in Gibraltar and that sounds fab to me. Xxx