My friend (of 16 years) broke up with her ex partner a few months ago. Myself and dh were friends with him too but not especially close. The relationship was ended by her but it then emerged that she had been having an affair. Her ex understandably took this really hard and his mental health plumetted so myself and dh supported him. He was almost suicidal.
Just to add a bit of context, my friend is 40, has BPD but in recent times hasn't seen this in herself so much, even when others have. She's still married to another man who's much older than herself, they work together and she even bought the house next door to him recently, even though they're no longer together, and she's moved in there with her elderly parents. No children. She's now in a relationship with the man she was having an affair with.
She's always been quite driven by money and possessions and can be quite manipulative and calculating to get what she wants.
Despite all of this, I've always been there for her and have reached out to her. I've never said anything unkind to her and have just always been loyal.
However, her ex (that we are still friends with) sent me some screenshots of messages between them after the break up and she said some really nasty things about me and my family. It really shocked me as it wasn't like I'd had any sort of problem or confrontation with her. What really effected me was that some of it was about my children who are only little. My son has special needs and one of the comments was that's she's convinced he'll go to prison one day. I found that upsetting to think that someone I thought was a friend could say something like that.
When I blocked her about 6 weeks ago, I explained why and she apologised. However she turned it all around on her ex and blamed him for her behaviour and emotions. Although her ex has his own issues for sure, in no way did he goad her into saying those things about me.
Since then, I've been questioning myself, thinking, did I do the right thing by blocking her and effectively ending our friendship. Part of me wants answers as to why she said those things and whether she'd always thought them and was our friendship actually just one sided. I realise that her BPD explains quite a lot of her behaviour and I feel for her in that respect but is that a reason to let her back into my life when she's been so unkind. From what mutual friends have shown me, she's appearing quite happy on social media but who knows if that's real.
Part of me wants her to know how hurt I am still but AIBU?