To be grateful that I have never defined myself by money.

[Differentforgirls]

Loads of threads on here regarding income as the be all and end all. After Andrew being arrested I’m so grateful I have always defined “success” as having good relationships with my family and friends regardless of money. Who wants a dysfunctional family and circle of friends like he has?

I’d rather be relatively skint but happy.

AIBU?

It's called "Lifestyle Creep" and it's insiduous. Congratulations for managing to avoid it, I guess?

If I had continued to live the money lifestyle attitude of my 25 year old self with my 38 year old income I'd have saved a packet. But life tricks you into "growing up".

Yes, when I see threads by women who can't leave their husbands because they don't have money or financial independence or women who wonder how they'll feed a family on the few pounds left before payday, the last thing I'm thinking is 'these women are defined by money'.

You do realise you’re privileged to be able to have this viewpoint though right? People who say things like “you don’t need money to be happy, I’d rather be poor and happy” blah, blah, have obviously never experienced true poverty. If they had they’d know just how important money is, and that it’s impossible to be truly poor and happy.

There’s a different mindset when you are fabulously properly internationally rich. Not me sadly but have got to know a family like this. It’s fascinating. I do think something is lost though. Kids take things for granted it’s easy to spoil them and harder to instil a work ethic. There are issues only different ones.

You seem to be conflating two different things. Plenty of wealthy people have great friends and family. Plenty of poor people do not.

Having so little money that a large part of your existence is spent simply surviving is not a great way to have to live IMO, regardless of how wonderful your friends and family are.

I'd argue that perhaps once you get to a certain level of wealth that you know you can easily afford the basics and at least some luxuries, that having more and more money is less important that some other things.

I personally prefer having money and being happy vs being skint and happy. It doesn’t mean I define myself by it, just means I have a comfortable life.

In the words of Gabrielle Solis “money doesn’t buy happiness is a lie we tell poor people so they don’t riot”

I think these are two extremes, skint v the wealth of royals.

for me success is multi faceted, its overall happiness, relationships etc as well as money, I grew up skint, and there is absolutely no joy in it. None what’s so ever.

Agree. Odd thing to do read about Andrew and react by thinking I’m so much better than him !

Were you happy?

Yes but again wanting a decent comfortable life doesn’t define many people, royals and super rich are a tiny tiny minority.

as said, having grown up skint, I can say it’s fucking awful and in no way aspirational

I don’t define myself by money but it’s nice to have and does make me happier. Not having to worry about bills, being able to buy what I like (within reason) holidays, nice (but modest house) etc.

I could earn a lot more fairly easily but once I hit the ‘comfortable’ living sweet spot I value my time, my families happiness and mental health more.

I'm not really interested in money. I'm very content, and think that plays a huge part in it. I don't care how much money other people have, what kind of house they live in or what they earn. Nobody knows what I earn. I don't really know what my husband earns either.

But I also know that I'm incredibly privileged to not need to care.

You say you’re not interested in money but I assume to not have to think or care about it much that means you have enough for all your needs? Presumably some wants too?

The rest is not aimed at you but my reflections on the thread, I think it’s very condescending to talk about money defining people like it’s a human flaw, I would say money not defining you is a huge privilege for the majority of people, because if you cannot afford to live at least a basic life money will inevitably take up a huge amount of headspace.

Even if people become comfortable later on in life if they’ve experienced poverty or any kind of money issues, chances are the mindset doesn’t leave you. It hasn’t for me.

Yes, I specifically said that I know that not needing to care about money makes me very privileged. There's no concerns about paying for everything that needs paying for and there's plenty left over for the fun stuff. Doesn't mean I can spend with wild abandon, but then that isn't me anyway!

I grew up in poverty but had little awareness of it in any impactful way. It's just how things were so we got on with it. When starting out adult life I wasn't comfortable, but again it was a very matter of fact "this is what I have and this is what it can cover" sort of mentality.

@Differentforgirls how do you define truly skint?

Doesn’t everyone define it the same way, struggling to pay the bills, living pay check to pay check. No money to do the fun stuff, eating as cheaply as possible, stretching food out, not putting your heating on and living in a cold house much of the time, can’t even afford a pound for world book day for the kids,

Money gives you freedom, a much easier life and if it doesn't give you total happiness, it at least gives you a lot of opportunities towards it.

Anyone pretending that money doesn't matter either has loads, or is trying to make themselves feel better.

This. Also, you can earn well and be happy. Coming from a miserable childhood defined by poverty, I’m super proud of myself for being financially secure. And I’m happy.

❤️

We have been…

I was poor!

Yes I was though I was also stressed.

Not being able to pay the bills. Running out of money the week before pay day and having to get a pay day loan. Going to Asda with a tenner to feed a family for 5 days when you also need soap powder and toilet roll. Etc.

Yeah, no. Those two don’t go together. Tbf, the comparison with AMW was bonkers to begin with anyway.

But you're not poor now, and people forget being poor very quickly when being well off becomes their norm.