Did I jump the queue?

[PurpleNightingale]

First off I am ND so not the most... socially aware sometimes, so I'm not sure if I messed up. But this has been going around in my head all day.

It's half term so I took the kids to a tourist attraction that has, among many exhibits, a train that goes back and forth across the site for no extra cost. We got in with 15 minutes until the next train left so I took the kids to the loo and joined the queue with about 5 minutes to go. We were last in the queue when they started letting us in but a lady and a child joined behind us as we were filing on to the platform.

On the platform people are all climbing onto the carriages at once and a single lady just in front of me had stopped/ was making no effort to board the train so we walked past her and I sat the kids and me into an empty row. I expected everyone would get on as there were people still boarding in the next carriage. I then heard the lady who was behind me shout 'we only didn't get on because they jumped the queue' angrily pointing at me as she walked past our row and I was initially confused as I knew she'd been behind me not in front, but then I saw the lady who had been in front of us and stopped was walking out with her. It was mortifying. I hate a scene. There would have been space for one more person to sit, but not three.

Presumably they were having a place saved for them but they hadn't asked to come forward to join someone and if they had ever been in the queue and left it it would have been before we arrived there. I may have been a bit clueless reading why the first lady stopped however. I didn't get off the train- by that point they were leaving the platform and it felt like it would be quite a spectacle to unload my two small kids and get them back.

Was I being unreasonable or were they? I don't know how I was supposed to know they considered themselves in front of me in the queue when they didn't communicate anything to me before that accusation and physically they were walking in behind us. But the way she shouted she felt sure I'd been really rude and I'm worried maybe I was. Should I have gotten off the train and tried to get them back to take the seat once I realised they were with the lady that was in front of us? I sort of froze and then the moment had gone.

They were being unreasonable.

Not your fault. Relax.

Not sure I fully understand but if she was waiting alone for others to join her then I don't think you did anything wrong as they weren't there on time to get onto that train.

I know its hard but just put it out your mind, they wont give it a second thought

It sounds like she was just dithering there tbh. With these things the queue is really to get into the platform and then what seats you choose/are available are still the luck of the draw.

They don't usually let any more people onto the platform than the train has space for, so if they missed finding seats together it's nobody's fault. They could have just graciously waited for the next train. They were BU to blame you for it.

Not your fault at all.

I think in hindsight you feel the lady in front was probably waiting for the people behind you to catch her up so they could get on together?

What she could have done was get on the train and saved them some seats. However it's quite likely staff would have told her that wasn't allowed, and she knew it, which is why she was hanging back on the platform.

What she should have done was gone back and joined her companions where they were. Or the companions could have been cheeky and asked you if they could go past you to be with her and hoped you said yes. But her expecting people to read her mind wasn't reasonable at all.

you are over-thinking it.

You are not a mind-reader, if someone decides to randomly stops in the middle, they are the ones BU to try to delay everyone else.

I am not even sure reserving a space for someone not even there would be acceptable anyway.

Don't let idiots ruin your day.

I don't think you did anything wrong. Based on your info I 'think':

-The woman in front was holding a space for the people behind you- which in itself is rather rude. IF that was the case, why didn't she jump on the train and then 'save' another 2 seats in the carriage for her friend to arrive? Again, a bit rude, but she didn't and stood there dithering.

-Queuing one after another is one thing, but with these sorts of rides, once the gate opens it's often a free for all as to who gets on first. I too wouldn't have stood waiting behind someone just standing there on the platform.

It might serve them right for not saving a space and the woman in front should have joined her friends behind you. Don't give it another thought OP.

It’s a misunderstanding and you didn’t do anything wrong. If she was in front of me I might of asked “are you boarding the train?” If I wasn’t sure. But I don’t think you should over think this x

There aren't really queues for trains imo - if you dither, then you've effectively given up your place. The train only waits so long.

She should have let you pass if she wasn't ready to get on.

Im not sure if understand but you didnt push past her to get on? Simply boarded the train? She who dithers misses out! I dont have time to wait for faffers on trains

I wouldn't worry about it tbh, place saving isn't a thing-you're either in the queue or you're not.

By the sounds of it everyone had a seat on the train in queue order. You say there was space for one person, so the woman that was in front of you did have a seat for her.

She chose not to take it. Her two friends weren’t ahead of you in the queue and weren’t entitled to seats ahead of you and your children.

I had a similar situation in a shop.
Two students were standing near the coffee machine chatting and I was queuing to use it. Because they were standing to the left of the machine and both facing towards me I assumed they were just chatting. I stepped up to get a coffee (I was standing behind the man in front of me) and one accused me of being rude.

I was surprised.
I didn't say sorry because of that.
They really didn't look like they were in a queue (in a busy shop with lots of people standing around).

I didn't lose any sleep over it.

They should have made clear they were queuing up by standing behind the person at the coffee machine and facing the right way.

You didn’t jump the queue. There was space for 4 people:
1 woman in front of you
you and your 2 children.

the woman and child behind you would’ve been jumping the queue ahead of you to get on

A queue’s a queue before the gates open but after that it’s everyone for themselves. Whoever gets to the seat first gets the seat. Not your fault, it’s the train operator’s fault for letting more people than there were seats onto the platform. Bigger problem IMO is that you’re still thinking about this hours later. There’s really no point in thinking about it any further

It seems the 'queue' broke down and ceased to be a meaningful concept when you say everyone just started scrambling for the doors.
Did the lady who complained get a seat?

I'd say it's just one of those things.

Thank you all I do feel better. I get stuck in a bit of rumination with my Autism. I know if people are saving spaces for others ahead of you you let them through to go ahead and I always do when someone asks. I'm also aware I am a bit unobservant/ in my own thoughts at times. I find it especially hard when someone tells me I've accidentally been rude or broken a social convention and draws attention to it so publically. My manager once had to gently tell me I should say hello to people when I come into the office in the morning- I had spent years not doing so as I thought it would be rude to disturb people from their work 😂It had never occured to me they thought I was rude not greeting them!

I'm ND too, OP & don't get most social cues. I had a bunch of colleagues complain my voice is too loud & I answer questions too quickly and should wait longer before answering. I have a new hearing issue, and rarely speak to anyone, while they make loud jokes, sing along to the radio - loudly - and are constantly laughing. I don't understand.

I find queue situation quite clear. I don't allow people behind me in front. Their companions are welcome to move behind me. I had a confrontation at a ride at the show when a family tried to edge their DD in before mine by stopping to chat with friends. It was a long wait as an individual trampoline jumping thing. I glared at them and said to DD look, only three kids in front of you, finally, smiled at the family the wait had been 45 minutes if they wish to line up 🤣They fussed about, knew I wasn't going fume quietly and moved off.....

I suspect most of us have been in situations where we have accidentally jumped a queue by misreading someone. If you're in the queue, you make it clear you are in the queue. I think it was an understandable misunderstanding because they didn't do this. I wouldn't worry too much. Annoying for them if they had to wait, but it happens. I might have asked the woman who wasn't moving if she was waiting for the train before jumping in front, I usually do that if I'm not sure.

Well just to make things more confusing for you, I don't think you do let people go through if they are saving spaces! That would make them queue jumpers.
I think a lot of people have missed that this was basically a ride at an attraction, not a train station (lots of people commenting about about once through the gates you stand on the platform and then anyone gets on in any order).

I think the woman in front knew you were right and if she had beckoned her friend from behind you, you could have easily called them out for queue jumping. They needed to all queue together to get on at the same time.
It is fair enough if they had all been stood together initially in front and then they had said to you the little one desperately needed the toilet would it be ok for them to go back in front when they returned.

Forget it!!!

Snooze you lose. Don't worry about it, you'll never ever see them again.

Don't be so harsh on yourself .. you were just getting on with your day.. you can't mind read what people are doing or thinking..
Forget about it and remember you had a lovely day with your children.

Presume the train did not have reserved seats. Obviously she thoght that she out . ranked you. Full of entitlement.

You were in the right. Forget about her