Hello :) I posted about this a bit last year but gonna try again as idk what to do!
my partner and I had a rocky start to our relationship, he asked me to lose weight, spoke to ex’s (nothing untoward) but then would never be open about it, went on hinge etc. but it was the early days of our relationship so I kind of forgot about it but the trust issues / insecurity has still always been there a bit.
fast forward a year we move back down to Cornwall (where I’m from) from London. I move down a month before him so he’s still in London. I notice he starts to follow a new girl from work (he’s a delivery driver). I ask him about it and he said she just messaged him about work (on insta)?? I ask him to show me and he said he has deleted it. I give him the benefit of the doubt and he moves down a few weeks later.
3 months in (September 2024) I fall pregnant, it wasn’t planned at all. Everything is going well until about January and I get a bit panicked and insecure again (probs the hormones) and ask to see his insta. He very shakily shows me, all I see is messages from his ex from ages ago and another girl I know is just a friend from Denmark (he’s used to live there) I’m totally okay with this and we move on. Though I did find it weird he was so shaky and sketchy.
about a month after we have the baby we go out for lunch just me and him. We talk about our fave pubs and he talks about his in London, I ask him who he went with (because he’s not a big pub person at all) and he mentions this girl from Denmark. I ask him if they’ve ever been more than friends and he says no, but acts very weird about it. We argue about this for a few weeks and it turns out they were together for a while but decided be friends. I am obvs very hurt he’s lied about it for so long, but also decided message her and say hey when I was pregnant. He knows I have quite strong boundaries when it comes to messaging girls he’s been with physically. I was a month postpartum or so at this point and very upset naturally. We make a pact that if we stay together he will be transparent with his phone and show me/ tell me who he’s speaking too (if anyone, from his past or present).
iv never abused this power since and never asked once since then (9 months ago) But last Saturday I did. He showed his WhatsApp messages from afar, but when I asked about the insta ones (as this has been the ones we’ve had issues with before) he walked away. And when I walked after him he went upstairs then told me to stand 2 feet away. At this point I’m in tears, and just wanna know. His excuse for running off is that he didn’t want me to see the half naked girls on insta feed and that he couldn’t find the new Instagram message button (granted it has recently changed). But this was not being transparent ? And I’m pretty sure he deleted things and that’s why he’s run off. worst of all I noticed he’s deleted all the messages from the girl he was with before me. He never deleted these before and it’s got me thinking why? And not the other girls?
iv asked him to leave as we keep arguing. He’s viewing a new place tomorrow. I wanted him to go as irs not like we’ve ended amicably and the relationship has come to a natural end. We’ve broken up because he’s clearly hid something from me which he will never tell me about now and will deny. He keeps blaming me saying he was scared of my reaction. But surely if there’s nothing to hide why would he be scared? Now he’s deleted whatever he’s deleted he will deny it forever. When we argued the other night he said it was all my fault and I’m breaking up our family etc.
im heartbroken, I feel lost, empty. And worst of all I still love him. But if he’s broken out transparency agreement I don’t see a way out of this.
AIBU???? Xx Thankyou