To have snapped at my mum?

[ArielLove]

I’m honestly just at burn out. Same old story as a lot of other people, young DC, busy, stressful job etc. Just feeling unhappy generally atm.

Every hour of my days are accounted for, even my days off. It’s just one long whirlwind of children’s hobbies of chores, or my hobby (which I love but is really physically exhausting) cooking, cleaning, trying to ensure I see friends, trying to ensure I see family, trying to ensure I exercise etc etc. Honestly I long to just do nothing.

The last couple of weeks I’ve slept terribly, last night I got 3 hours. Had heart palpitations all night and most of today. I think I’m anaemic or something as I feel terrible and so, so tired all the time. I have blood tests being done on Friday.

Today I just feel so done with it all, had a really long and stressful day at work, did nursery pick up, got home and my mum rung me and asked how I was, I said I was tired as I haven’t slept very well and have had heart palpitations all last night and today and just generally feel like shit.

She then did what she normally does is make the conversation all about her ‘oh yes, im really tired too, I slept really badly last night, I was falling asleep on the sofa earlier’

My mum has never worked a day in her life, she does nothing all day now except lounge around watching tv, meeting her friends for lunch or taking the dog for a walk. I’m SO fed up of her making everything about her and being so bloody tone deaf with it.

I appreciate it’s not a race to the bottom but tonight I just snapped and said ‘Yes well at least you didn’t have to work all day today and then go and do the nursery run etc’ I then said actually, I just wasn’t in the best frame of mind for this phone call and said I’d speak to her later.

AIBU to think she was tone deaf? I’ve had this my whole life, her always whinging she’s bored, tired, broke etc, yet it’s never occurred to her to get a job. She’s literally got no idea of the realities of most people’s lives.

Tonight I just wanted a listening ear and some sympathy, I didn’t want her launching into a monologue about how tired SHE is when she literally does nothing all day.

Has she ever been the mother you wanted her to be?

I have this with my dad all the time, if I have a headache, so does he, if I'm tired, he's exhausted etc. It's utterly draining but I usually just say 'of course you do..' or 'Christ, if I had PMT you'd be claiming you have too..' it's a running joke in the family now.

long whirlwind of.... trying to ensure I see friends, trying to ensure I see family, trying to ensure I exercise etc etc. Honestly I long to just do nothing.

Drop some things. I wouldnt be prioritising hobbies or seeing friends, family or exercise when I was close to burn out. I'd be prioritising ME. Why do you need to see people when youre actually having palpitations youre that stressed. I mean unless those people are doctors and therapists? Droo some things, focus on you?

I wouldnt be prioritising ringing people; id be taking me time.

YANBU about your mum. But you know she is like this; she is going to do this, so avoid her for a bit until you can cope with her.

Not unreasonable at all OP.
You were remarkably restrained actually!

I hear you, I understand totally the irritation and frustration that you feel with the situation.
I would feel like this too in your shoes.

I hope things get better for you, it sounds like a never ending unrelenting cycle of overwhelm.

You sound like you are keeping your head above water by a thread.
Any chance you could take some sick time from work to recharge? Just a week? You honestly sound like you need it and would hugely benefit from it x

YANBU, I would have said the same.
You sound very rightly stressed and burnt out!
Re your fatigue, if your blood test shows ferritin is low I'd recommend gentle iron supplements. You want your ferritin level to be 50 minimum, even though the NHS cutoff is 30 - you can see the exact results on the NHS app. Iron bisglycinate pills are widely available online and health food shops, more easily absorbed than the ones you get on the NHS and tend not to come in so high a dose, so your body doesn't reject them and you get fewer/no gastrointestinal side effects.
My fatigue has gone after a few months on 30mg a day HealthAid brand pills. Ferritin was 32, now it's 60 something.
You want to rule out folate (vitamin b12) deficiency anemia, the blood test should cover this.

My 21yo son is like this. He’s always been a bit of a drama queen (my own fault, he’s the adorable baby of the family) but the other day I did snap at him when I said to DH how rotten this flu was making me feel, and DS2 piped up “I don’t think you’re feeling as bad as I am”.

OP your mother either needs to learn that she’s not the main character in every story, or she needs to get used to the fact that people will get pissed off with her. It’s her choice.

My MIL is like this and it’s infuriating! You are defintely not being unreasonable. Hope you don’t add feeling bad about it onto u

posted too soon! Hope you don’t add feeling bad about this onto your plate as you were totally in the right!

There are only so many hours in the day op, you are currently using your free time to catch up with friends and family and do the hobby which leaves you exhausted . If you want to ‘just do nothing’ then do that ! Stop the hobby for a while, see friends less., there’s a fairly obvious answer .

I have a friend who is ADHD quite possibly Audhd. She does this too. We’ve chatted about it in a nice way.

In her head, she’s showing a kind of empathy “oh I know what you mean, I get this too! I’m relating to you! I understand! Here’s my example … “ without realising it can sometimes come across as competitive or as a PP said “main character energy”.

Does this sound at all like your Mum or is she just that tone deaf numpty