How to go back to work with sick baby

[mcrlover]

I'm about to go back to work to a new role at 70% time (WFH). Baby has started nursery for the past month to help her get used to it, but she has been almost constantly sick with bugs she's picking up from nursery.

I'm so nervous about doing a good job in this new role. But I don't want to cause suffering to baby not being there to look after her if she's sick.

We also have a part time nanny, but she's reluctant to look after sick baby (she will, but it makes her nervous as she has her own health problems).

Does anyone have any advice? AIBU to worry about this so much - will it all be ok?

Assume you have a partner. If so you just have to take 50:50 days whenever sickness arises. The first year of nursery is pretty awful. The whole family just goes from illness to illness. But then after that it does get better.

It’s hard at first when they start nursery as this is the norm sadly. I went back to a job I’d done previously after maternity so not the same situation but for the first few weeks DH did the lions share of any early pick ups and stay at home days so I could get back into it, make a good impression. Do you have this option? It much easier to ask for and expect flexibility if you’ve made a good impression- I think that’s absolutely key at the start.

Kids are perpetually sick in nursery and early years at school. You have to plan for this with an agreement with your partner about sharing the sick days. And/or grandparents’ help if they are available and willing. Don’t assume they will be willing - ask!

Total normal I’m afraid. A decent employer will understand this and be understanding about time off. It will calm down in the spring. But I agree with PP that if you are staring in a new role with a new boss, your DC’s dad should be the one taking the time off as much as possible for the first six months or so.

Thanks, that's really helpful advice. My boyfriend (her dad) also WFH, and has been at his job for a couple of years already, so I'll ask him to look after her over the sick days for the first few months, until I'm well established in the new job.

Might also trial out a second babysitter who is ok to look after sick babies in order to have an additional backup option, or is this too much?

Unless she has a fever or d&v or chickenpox or similar, she goes to nursery even if not 100%. I’d sack the nanny if she’s anxious about childhood bugs. That’s par for the course. I’m immunocompromised, that’s why I don’t work in childcare. If she can’t cope, she needs to find a less public facing role. You and her dad split the sick days. Realistically, it will still be less time than you’ll need off for school holidays in the future, so you’ll find a way.

One of the reasons parents choose a nanny over nursery is because they will look after children with routine illnesses. I would have a conversation with her in advance about this as you don’t want to be negotiating with her at 7am when you’ve been awake in the night with an ill child and need to get to work. If she won’t do cover for the usual childhood illnesses (coughs, colds etc) then she may not the right nanny for you. I’m not sure where you’d find an occasional babysitter for a sick child - plus the child will want someone they know well when they are ill

I would seriously reconsider your nanny if she’s not willing to look after sick children, that’s pretty unusual unless the child is seriously ill. That’s part of the benefit of having a nanny vs nursery. All the nannies I had previously had no problem looking after ours and they would also turn up if themselves sick (again, obviously not if really ill), same way I am expected to show up to work if I have a cold or whatever.

Ok great point thanks! I'll clarify the details with the nanny! It might be that she's cancelled when baby was sick this month because she didn't "need to" expose herself to the bug, as I'm not back at work yet. Fingers crossed! But yes good point, if she isn't willing when I'm working again then probably better to find a different nanny

As someone who has had multiple nannies, I think you will struggle with a nanny who can’t be around moderately unwell children. Small children will often pick up bugs etc and be fairly snotty for many weeks of the year. It would be hard to work in childcare and not be able to deal with coughs and colds.

In a new role I would suggest that your position takes precedence whilst you establish yourself. So your DH would need to take more leave for what your nanny can’t cover. Once you’re established and more secure you can take more leave so it’s 50:50.

I agree with pp, the first few weeks and months are the hardest for illness but then it does get better. Definitely make sure the dad is picking up at least 50% of the cover, if not more as you get established.

And certainly reconsider what the nanny is doing; one of the key reasons for forking out for a nanny is so that you don’t have to worry when the kids get sick.

Mum of three here. The first year in nursery is hell on earth. Everyone in the house just stumbling from illness to illness. Nursery is basically a viral soup.
With my second child my husband and I used up all of our sick days with work to look after my son when he was too ill to go to nursery, then we had to use unpaid parental leave days. He had less than 50% attendance that first year and 6 hospital admissions. Work got so p*ssed off with me and I felt pulled in so many directions. It was so so hard. I had no family back-up.
After this year it gets much better I promise.