Partners response stopping HRT

[Panda50]

Ok so I need a little rant!
been on HRT as I thought im the cause of all the arguments.

6 months in developed internal rage and stopped before I got worse. Been off a couple of weeks now.

Had an outburst of anger and upset as not slept because dog kept me up all night and I am blamed for stopping HRT. Told I’ve changed again. It’s been going on for weeks !! I don’t believe this at all.
im also monitoring symptoms to get assessed for alternative as my responsabilty for my health.
partner told me to go back on HRT and deal with inner rage basically suck it up.
sounds to me I’m an inconvenience with fluctuating hormones. No support there. Or am I unreasonable for stopping.
bear in mind I try to inform of what’s happening but clearly don’t listen.

Yes YABU.

Why didn't you ask for a different HRT?

They're not all the same and it can take far longer than 6 months to get the correct type and dose for you.

If you're having outbursts of anger and upset that are not in your nature, you need to do something about it instead of expecting your DH to suck it up.

HRT can require tweaking and trying different doses. Angry outbursts are horrible to be around.

I'd go back to your Dr to discuss it.

Also OP, did you consult the Dr first or just take yourself off them?

I had an angry outburst three weeks into the first month . The second month I recognised the signs and tried to manage it/work through it. It hasn’t happened since.

So hang on - your HRT was making you angry, and your partner thinks that you should go back on it because you're so angry?

I don't know much about the effects of different HRTs but this suggests to me that actually you're just Getting Angry.

Whether that's because of your hormones and you need a different type, or whether that's because your situation is such that anger is the rational response, I don't have enough information to assess...

Do what you think is best for you and your health, do talk to your GP about your options though.

Of course YANBU!

I'm on the other side of this (DW has come of HRT due to side effects) your H response is pretty heartless.

You say you were angry and tired because the dog kept you up all night on top of how you were already feeling. Can I assume H was around helping with whatever the dog needed? He took over at some point so that you could get some rest?

Maybe it’s the partner and their reactions that is the problem and not the HRT?

Plenty of people have sleepless nights.

They're not excuses for forcing people to live with their angry outbursts.

The OP needs to go back to the doctor rather than allow her outbursts to affect others in the house.

It's no way for anyone to live.

Well we can only go by what the OP tells us.

And to be fair, they've disappeared without saying whether they randomly took themselves off the HRT or consulted a doctor first.

I mean if you’re getting angry and having outbursts it’s really not ok to say he needs to suck it up and support you.

Advice is generally to let one treatment get completely out of your system, let your body settle and see where you are / what you might need.

Why is it OK for OP to have to be "forced to live with" internal rage rather than her husband accept that she needs some support / space / rest etc right now?

I've been in an abusive relationship with angry outbursts and lots more. It's very different from someone who loves you and is generally ok snapping at you for a few weeks. Everybody is allowed to not be OK sometimes.

Stop taking medical advice from your DH and consult a doctor with an interest in menopause. There are many variations with HRT, maybe you haven’t found the right one yet.

However, feeling ratty after a broken night is pretty standard and not much of a pointer as to whether you need HRT or not. I do remember that rage, I walked out of a few shops etc but it has definitely improved over time.

No it isn't.

Angry outbursts are angry outbursts and they're absolutely horrible to live with.

It's the OP's responsibility to see that she gets herself help rather than him sucking it up.

I know what the HRT advice is because I'm a woman who takes it.

If (and we don't know because the OP has posted and run) she took herself off the HRT without any discussion with the doctor, she'll know for a fact that was the wrong thing to do.

Well he wasn't helpful.

However I found first 6 months hrt your bodies trying to regulate itself. Its almost like having full blown pmt each month, it did settle down

Wish there was something to give my dh to stop his angry outbursts over minor issues. As it is I've just learnt to ignore and put in airpods and switch rooms which doesn't make him happier.
Sorry, nothing to do with thread. Just saying that all outbursts are not due to menopausal syndroms.

Yes it is. This is the exact advice DW and a friend have received from separate menopause specialists when experiencing unbearable side effects.

And yes, there is a huge difference between someone who habitually has angry outbursts and a generally loving supportive partner who is struggling to control angry outbursts.

On both counts I'm glad you don't seem to have experience of the negatives.

Anyway, the OP was about her partners response which was not the response of a loving supportive partner. I agree OP should go back to GP and explore other options but that wasn't the crux of the question.

Advice is generally to let one treatment get completely out of your system, let your body settle and see where you are / what you might need.

That's rubbish advice.

The truth is that some women do better on patches, some do better on spray, others get on better with the gel. It is a very simple matter to swap between different forms and women do it all the time when patches/gel are in short supply. It could be the OP was not absorbing the gel or patches. If she had gone to the GP they may have suggested increasing the dose as she does not mention what she is on - if she was on (for example) a 25 patch and was still having symptoms, it's as likely that her HRT dose is too low as it is that it's causing the rage. In fact, probably far more likely that the dose is wrong.

OP please go back to your doctor. When you are suffering with menopausal symptoms you don't realise yourself how you are coming across - I was very insulted when my husband said I was snappy and rude, but he was right.

And some women don't tolerate any form of HRT. Which means that the very simple process of switching between them becomes a juggling act of trying to find something that that particular woman can tolerate.

In most cases you are right, but not in all casesand it's important that people of tha6 fact.

HRT can be a lifesaver, when it's needed but not tolerated things get a lot more complicated.

No I agree. But the OP hasn't sought medical advice and has just unilaterally decided to stop her HRT.

It's absolute bullshit advice.

The advice is never to just randomly stop taking it and instead see the doctor first.

As you rightly say, there are many forms and doses of HRT and it can take time to get it right for each individual woman.

I've agreed that OP should go back to her OP. I'm not saying it was a good idea to just stop taking any meds without professional advice. OP didn't say she was monitoring symptoms so I hope this is to inform a conversation with GP.

My response was more about whether the OP partners response was reasonable which I don't feel he was. And I was disagreeing with PP who felt OP is unreasonable to be having angry outbursts which I believe are currently beyond her control. Holding people to a standard of never being allowed to get angry is unfair.

OP would probably benefit from some patience and understanding from her partner while she finds something that works for her which may or may not be getting back on HRT. She isn't unreasonable to be struggling, she isn't unreasonable to feel that her current prescription isn't working (but should work with GP) she isn't unreasonable to be angry that life is pretty hard right now. I feel sad that a tough time has been compounded for her by an unsupportive partner.

I had got advice the HRT was making me unwell so weaned off. I’m waiting consult for alternative but I also want to know my symptoms. I’m not angry I was frustrated and very tired.

Thankyou for all your comments. Good to read from different perspectives

Ok but you said in your op you had an outburst of anger. If you didn’t have an outburst of anger, it probably wasn’t ideal to write you did.