Sadness and lonely

[Thelonelymumma]

I’m 29 and no self esteem since I was a kid I’ve got no friends due to severe anxiety and arkwardness I doubt will find any friends now as nearly 30. I’ve only ever had one relationship and that didn’t work out I’ve put my whole life being a parent to my son (6) that I don’t know how to live my own life I worry one day when my child grows up I be lonely have no one as I have no family left no friends no relationship (which don’t want a relationship as want to focus and put my all in to my son) just feel scared of my future. My dad was the same and he ended his life last year I worry one day I will go the same when my child has grown up. :( I know will get told to get a grip but it’s hard living in my mind.

I’m so sorry that you feel like this. It must have been awful to lose your dad like that.
Have you been to your GP to talk about how you are feeling? You can self refer for talking therapy on the NHS but there may be a long wait.
Do you not meet anyone through your son? Other parents at clubs or the school run? There will be others in your position but it probably feels like everyone else is having fun and has lots of friends.
You don’t have to follow the same path as your Dad. It’s never too late to make friends. Your son will need you even when he’s older.
Hope you manage to get some help and support.

What help have you sought for your anxiety? You’re very young, OP. You have lots of time to figure this out, for your own sake and your child’s.

I'm sorry you're going through this op.

I think one of the silver linings (if you can even can it that) of having a parent with mh issues is that it really shows you what can happen if you don't take steps to protect your own resilience because you unfortunately witness it playing out along with all the ripple effect. But that makes you extra aware of it where other people often underestimate how important it is.

My mum had serious mh difficulties and attempted to end her life a number of times and I honestly think that's why I'm so protective of mine. I go for regular counselling, I'm vigilant with myself, I take active steps to protect my resilience and create 'fun' in life where I can. I exercise and spend lots of time in nature. Its not easy and it's always at the back of my mind but I know my son has a more stable experience of a mummy than what I had growing up because I'm constantly working to break that cycle and that's something I can feel proud of. You are doing that for your child. So I would just say don't give away your power. You've had a lot of shit hands dealt to you and you aren't to blame for that and you can't control that. But you can control how you react to it and the steps you take to counter act it. You are clearly a really strong person given what you've been through already.

I'm a lone parent and moved recently and honestly, it's really hard to make friends when you don't have consistent childcare. But that doesn't mean you can't be doing other things in the meantime like some counselling to build yourself and your confidence up. Getting out walking and in nature with your child. I look at it as I'm building healthy mental habits for myself and my son is learning those from me and will grow up with that as his 'norm' so hopefully it'll be easier for him than it is for me. I truthfully have kind of accepted that the friends part will have to come later when he's a bit more independent and I can go and take up a hobby or similar but in the meantime I use my counselling, interactions at work and making effort with other parents at pick up/his hobby. It's not the same as having close friends but it takes the edge off and it makes me feel that at least I'm opening that door even if it is only a little bit! I think there's more parents out there feeling lonely than you'd think so maybe the ones around you are just scared of putting themselves out there first.

I get it OP. I have no friends. I used to have them but haven’t for a few years now. I have my family that I am not that close to and my focus is my kids but after a painful divorce I feel quite lonely. I have long suspected that I am autistic as I do struggle to make and keep friends.

I’m sorry for the loss of your father that must have been very hard.

I am so sorry op. While it’s not always the case, I suspect there is a fairly high chance you are autistic. I am autistic and can relate to the high anxiety and friendship struggles. I advise you to try and put yourself out there in any small way you can (easier said than done) to increase the chance of you meeting people similar to you. Also look into some online tests to help see if you can relate to autism/adhd, even if it is just to rule it out.

So sorry you feel like this OP.

Totally agree it sounds like you might be autistic, I realised I'm autistic a year ago and since then and learning all about it, it has made life sooooo much better, can't stress how much!

Almost all autism research has been done on males, and so most autism guidance/ official "signs" are about males with autism. Autism affects women completely differently, partly due to "masking", so lots of the official tests for autism actually miss cases in women.

If you're a woman, you'd need to search specifically about how autism affects women, not men, to see if it sounds like you. It's really hard to get a diagnosis on the NHS (veeeeery long waiting lists), but you can get a pretty good idea yourself if you do enough reading into it.