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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To want to change 6 years of bad habits ….

14 replies

TequilaMockingburd · 17/02/2026 20:56

I went back to work last year, after 5 years off with DC. She started school YAY! But she is a terrible sleeper - well terrible at falling asleep unless either me, DH or DD (17) lie with her and so we sort of rota that 7 nights a week.

it’s becoming a bigger and bigger issue and that’s despite a good routine, two stories, a 2 min chat and lights out- she can literally wriggle around for over an hour. Two last night and we stuck there until after 9 some nights.

the rota is a pain as if I’m lying with her no house reset gets done - dH just scrolls his phone and avoids tasks and so I am getting back up and tidying up / lunches/ dishwasher etc and that’s if I don’t fall asleep in the bed and waken up at midnight . When dH does bed - I can rattle through the jobs but he invariably falls asleep too.

I like to run but after work but increasingly missing more runs as all this nonsense goes on and I just don’t know how everyone else copes. I work for myself and am also a bit overcommitted and so also have some work stuff slipping in whenever I finally sit down.

does anyone have any suggestions,? We are trying to distance ourselves from the actual bed and have managed to settle her whilst perched at the side tonight- so that’s a small win!
DH also has an aversion to rotas and so instantly snubs anything that feels orchestrated- that’s quite the issue with planing as you can imagine! What a mess we are in!

OP posts:
HyggeTygge · 17/02/2026 21:01

So does she actually fall asleep quickly if you're next to her? It sounds like you being there doesn't make it much faster?

What does she do if you're not in the room? Surely she's had consequences if she's getting up and walking around/playing?

Sunflower3000 · 17/02/2026 21:02

What time are you trying to put her to bed? Is it too early? How much sleep on average does she get a night and is she tired in the mornings?

Carriemac · 17/02/2026 21:04

How does DH get to scroll on his phone and you have to do all the work as well as bedtime on your night ? That would piss me off

RandomMess · 17/02/2026 21:10

What time are you putting her to bed?

Have you tried playing story books?

I can highly recommend a large cuddly real cat. Worked on our youngest.

Our one like this has ADHD, she’s an adult now and we still have to tell her to stop rattling around in her room keeping us awake!

nutbrownhare15 · 17/02/2026 21:27

Slightly later bedtime and head massage would be my top tips. If there's 3 of you to do bedtime then that's a really good situation to be in. My 6 year old will let me leave if I put her yoto on now but it's taken a while to get there.

B1anche · 17/02/2026 21:29

What is a 'house reset' ?

2026Y · 17/02/2026 21:33

If she’s taking an hour to fall asleep when you are there, presumably she’s not tired when you put her to bed? We have the same issue with our 4yo except he falls asleep very quickly if someone is there. Haven't managed to break the habit of him needing company though so I can’t offer much help although I think the advice I have read suggests leaving and coming back but having longer breaks away.

Barrellturn · 17/02/2026 21:35

I would do disappearing chair. So start moving further and further away on the bed, then onto a chair, chair moves out of the door etc. Over the course of a few weeks.

Or do the "I will be back in one min, just sorting the washing quickly" which starts as one min, then 3, then 5, then 10 and 2 weeks later you can just walk out the room and they go to sleep (that's the plan anyway!)

Oldermumofone · 17/02/2026 21:37

From 4 years old with her doing exactly this, we went for story time etc all done and she could then potter around her room on her own until she was ready to go to sleep. Works for us and she does climb into bed earlier when she’s more tired so she seems to be able to judge it okay herself.
Other alternative I guess is he does every night with her if he isn’t prepared to do what else needs doing!

TequilaMockingburd · 17/02/2026 21:38

Thanks everyone - she’s bathed , gets milk and a hot water bottle and in bed for around 8/8:15 and yes, i agree it does sound like it makes no difference but she can force herself to stay awake for hours and can cry to the point of making herself sick. One of the chats we had had is just breaking the cycle and telling her we can’t lie there tonight but will be upstairs with her - I know she’d be distressed though - but for how long? DH thinks that would be a step too far! And yes- the scrolling royally hacks me off

OP posts:
Tonissister · 17/02/2026 21:39

Can you suggest to her that now she is getting older, she will very soon be able to settle herself, or buy a big soft toy and a weighted blanket and say that teddy has asked to take over some of the night-time snuggles? Get her used to being settled with a big soft toy, not you.

TequilaMockingburd · 17/02/2026 21:40

B1anche · 17/02/2026 21:29

What is a 'house reset' ?

Washing out the dryer, toys away, floors swept, recycling - just jobs that need done to stop things piling up

OP posts:
B1anche · 17/02/2026 22:05

TequilaMockingburd · 17/02/2026 21:40

Washing out the dryer, toys away, floors swept, recycling - just jobs that need done to stop things piling up

Oh...housework

ImNotAsThinkAsYouDrunkIAm · 17/02/2026 22:06

Have you tried disappearing chair? Not sure how well it works with an older child but I’ve definitely done it with a 4 year old when they go through wobbles at bedtime.

My other comment is that 8.15 sounds late at that age. Is it possible she’s over-tired by the time she goes to bed? That can, counter intuitively, lead to harder bedtimes. But you know your child best and every child is different!

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