For wanting a partner?

[CatsMakeMeSmile]

Is it wrong to want to meet someone as a single mum?

A lot has happened in my life recently and it’s been really tough dealing with everything on my own. I know my children are my priority, but I’m finding it hard not having that adult support and companionship there.

I’ve seen quite a few comments suggesting single mums should just stay single and focus only on their kids, and it’s made me question myself. Life feels really overwhelming at the moment and I do miss having a partner to share things with.

AIBU for wanting to meet someone and have that support again as a single mum? Im independent and I’ve spent many years on my own but sometimes it gets a bit hard.

How old are your kids?

There will always be difficult times, single or not, children left home or toddlers. You have to be able to deal with everything. You don't need a partner.

Surround yourself with good friends, learn how to manage stuff yourself. When you find that confidence, then you'll be in the right place to choose a partner in the future who will compliment you.

friends aren’t the same but I appreciate your comment.

children are different ages youngest is 8 nearly 9.

I don't personally think that single mums need to stay single and focus only on their kids. I do think you need to be careful and take things very slowly (especially a big step like moving in together), to reduce the risk of introducing someone into their lives who turns out to not be a nice person.

Do you have any child free time to date when the kids are with their dad?

I think it’s totally reasonable to want a partner to share things with

Kids don’t see their father but oldest is a teen and old enough to babysit now.

Friends are not the same, they are often 100 times better! My friends are my rock. They listen to my problems and share theirs. They are freely available for hugs, advice, practical support or simply for sharing a quiet moment.
Having (the right) partner is great but having friends is better. Also, if you look for a partner because you are missing something, it's a recipe for disaster. Relationships only work when you are already a whole human being with big and beautiful life and want to share it with someone. And when your partner is the same.

That’s nice that your friends are like that

@CatsMakeMeSmileI don’t believe single parents shouldn’t have partners but they do need to be far more careful and that makes it much harder to date.

I’ve witnessed and experienced things go very wrong for children when parents meet new partners.

Introduced too quickly.
Not getting to know the new partner slowly.
Trying to blend complex families.
Not giving the child a voice.
I’ve seen this caused issues in parenting relationships but at the extreme end I’ve seen children being physically, emotionally and sexually abused and exposed to domestic abuse.

My knowledge and experience does mean I’m pretty hard line on what is and isn’t ok and what parent responsibility is.

Sadly for those single parents with no other support it makes it really hard to meet someone and spend time with them if your kids are always with you. I don’t think that’s fair but it is the reality and you shouldn’t compromise your children’s wellbeing and safety because of this.

Thanks for your comment. As I said my older kids are teens now though so would be able to watch the youngest. I deliberately waited till they were older so didnt have to rely on babysitters

You absolutely aren't unreasonable. With the current sea of fish probably a bit bonkers. But it makes such a difference.

And there ARE people out there. I had my checklist. Met a man. Didn't meet anything on my checklist. (Short, didn't drive (motorbiker!), lived with his dad bla bla bla But he re wrote my checklist and showed me what was important. and is the best thing to ever happen to me. And has taken me on with 3 children that aren't his and had one more with me.

Thank you that sounds great, it would be nice to be someone’s priority for a change.