to have removed a stick from a child in the playground who stuck the stick in DS2's eye??

[bythepowerofgreyskull]

his mum was watching him flinging the stick around, he had hit DS2 three times already and each time his mum had said oooh try not to hurt anyone.

The child giggled an ran off each time, DS2 wasn't very happy but not very sad either.
The last time the boy ran up to ds2 and poked the end of the stick into DS2's eye.. lots of screaming from DS2 later, the mum said honey I have asked you not to hurt anyone.

I saw red and walked over to the little boy and took the stick out of his hand and said "sorry I can't let you keep the stick because you have really hurt DS2 and I really don't want you to do it again"

trigger lots of tutting from the Mum and looks of "how dare you speak to my child" although she said nothing.

Her little boys is always punching kicking tripping up children and I had had enough.

Did I act inappropriately? Should I say anything to the Mum at pick up.. along the lines of .. I hope I didn't upset you taking the stick off your child this morning.. I really wanted to ensure he didnt' hurt DS2 again.??

what edam said...

oops, the end of that message was meant to say,

..... if he was being violent, rather than just loud and annoying I'd make sure I took any implements of torture away from him immediately, if I didn't then I would be happy for, no, expect any adult around to do so and would do the same if I were to see any child hurting another.

by removing her ds the op would be giving the message that it's ok for thug child to behave however he wants as those that don't like it will stay away.

I don't get this "no-one dares touch my child" attitude of some people - I really don't. One thing if the op had smacked him, but she took a stick away that was dangerous.

With that in mind, on way out of the park today the sibling of one of the children came running out and straight towards the road, his mum was way behind and could never have got to him in time. My friend grabbed him just before he managed to get across the road. Should she not have touched him and allowed to be run over because it's his mother's place to grab him?

Quite, VS. Am very happy for any adult who sees ds doing anything dangerous to stop him.

I'd have taken stick off him and thrashed his carer soundly

ah edam got there before me.

edam, my point exactly.

We were told off by any adult and, more importantly, we bloody well listened and did as we were told.

Community in general (not just discipline, so much more as well) seems to have broken down and look at the results!

Absolutely edam.

The principle that parents should discipline their own children and should not interfere in the disciplining of other people's is one to which I generally subscribe. But that only works as a social contract if everyone participates. If some parents opt out of their responsibilities then the choices seem to be either feral children or other parents' stepping in (or state agencies in extreme cases).

If a parent was sitting by, interjecting feebly while their child poked mine in the eye with a stick, I'd take the stick away too. It's not ideal, but it's better than having to go to A&E.

Any more room in old codgers' corner?

Oh, also I've almost relied on the expectation of other adults stopping anything that may mean someone gets harmed as more often than not as soon as we get to the park DS2 decides he needs feeding, so it's easier and safer if the closest adult to whichever child is being violent says something rather than one of us with a baby having to put baby down and grab our own child

I stopped a little boy earlier who headbutted DS1 by saying it wasn't nice to headbutt people and if he wanted DS1 to move he should just ask him, thankfully his mother was ok and just said 'I'm sorry about that' when she managed to put her baby down.

LOL Twig - I read that as "car" not "carer" and had visions of you as John Cleese

and tbh I don't think that the term litigation cuts it either. It's about time people started to challenge this culture where people take legal action left right and centre over the most ridiculous things.

I'm not sure you could sue someone for daring to tell your demon darling child off. There has to be an actionable loss before you can sue.

"touching a child" is a red herring here isn't?

No child was touched: a stick was taken out of a child's hands - that's not "touching" a child, surely?

Anyway, two things. One, I wouldn't bat an eyelid if a playmate's parent removed a stick from one of my children (whether or not that stick had actually been used to touch/hit/poke another child - if they're the sort of parent who doesn't like risk, that's fine, I sympathise) - so I'd be completely comfortable with them saying "let's not play with sticks" and confiscating it. No problem at all. There's always other things to play with.

Second, I think the fact that this mother didn't actually say anything means she isn't going to have a go at you (directly). She may have a defensive moan behind your back about your "protectiveness" (as she'll call it), but she isn't going to challenge you; and you can ignore her defensive whispering (if there is any) as it would just be face-saving, & you are in the right.

no I wouldn't think you could, although I would imagine there would always be one that would try.

I listened to a news artacle once about people who had sued for the most ridiculous things, including one who took a department store to court because their child had wet herself and their argument was that the toilets weren't close enough to where the child was at that particular point in time.

Other adults telling me off always had far more of an effect as well.....

Unfortunately this is why these children who hit, kick and push constantly get away with it. Because either the parents take absolutely no notice of their childs behaviour or other parents don't feel it is their place to say anything.

There are many very boisterous boys in DS's yr (reception) who do all of these things and often in front of their parents. Their parents either turn away pretending they haven't seen or ignore what they are doing. I have heard an excuse from one mum whose reception child had a letter home about bullying that 'XXXX isn't a bully, he is just being a boy' Er nope, my 3 boys don't hit other children all of the time.

It's a bit of a sore subject with me at the moment. I'm sick of my lovely little boy being pushed, hit, or whatever these children do.

As someone else said, the bad behaved ones seem to be rewarded and the well behaved ones overlooked. At DS's school, the badly behaved children get a chart to fill if they are good and get a reward when it is filled. Bloody unfair if you ask me!!

I am not a loud person by any means, but like the OP I wouldn't stnad by and allow another child to hurt mine if the parent wasn't doing anything. It's not that difficult to teach children to respect each other.

I think you were very restrained. A few days ago we were in the garden and a couple of stones flew past me and hit my conservatory. I went upstairs, looked out the window and saw a few kids in next doors garden lobbing stones, so I shouted 'Can you stop throwing stones in my garden please!'
and they all looked up. Then the father said 'sorry, sorry about that'

I mean, for fooks sake, he was obviously just watching them do it. Bloody halfwits.

I think it must be confusing for children sometimes if it is only their carer who tells them off for things while any other adults look on benignly as if they don't care. Children must begin to wonder if their mums/dads/carers are just making up the rules and whether any other adults present actually care that they are being noisy/violent/misbehaving somehow. If a child poking other children in the eye with a stick got told off by any adult that happened to be nearby then it would send a much clearer message than if it's always mum that does the admonishing, iyswim. It would perhaps show some sort of agreement in our society of what is acceptable and what isn't. And children would be less likely to think they an get away with things when mum isn't looking.

KM, you are putting forth an argument here that i cannot for one tiny second imagine you doing in RL. If someones child poked a stick in your childs eye i daresay you would remove the stick from the child and go and whack the parent around the head with it .

Do you honestly feel you could contain yourself to simply remove your child from the situation?

I have to admit i would do exactly as the OP did, i would have then felt like saying something to the other parent but would be too scared.

If my child were doing this i would have told her off and removed the stick. I would however, despite feeling that the OP is being very reasonable, be fuming if someone else told my child off. But then maybe thats because i wouldnt let her behave like that anyway.

If another parent had to take a stick from my child to prevent theirs being injured I would be more embarrassed than indignant- I would hate to think that my child could potentially blind someone else's!! I would be grateful to another adult for stepping in. I think the OP was not only reasonable but responsible!

wot squirdle said.

I also would expect someone else to remove an object from my child if he was hurting someone else.

But like LEM says, I wouldn't allow my children to behave that way towards other children.

An example is that our neighbours son is one of the children who hits and bullies at DS's school. I know he is like this, I see it at home. I do allow him to play with DS, but have no problem in reprimanding him if he is being horrid. I have also sent him home on numerous occasions because of the way he has treated DS. He is better in my home now as he knows my rules, but at school he is still the same, from what DS says. But his parents encourage the 'boyish' behaviour.

My 2 youngest are certainly very boy boys, but they know I tolerate hitting and name calling. DS3 (3) will sometimes give his brother a swipe, but every time he does he sits on the stairs for 3 minutes and then apologises. He has NEVER hit another child though. DS2 (5) just doesn't hit, which makes me even more angry that others just seem to be allowed to hit him at school. I know they don't just target him, but I want it stopped.

OOOh at drop off today the mother was ULTRA vigilant she followed the child round (at a distance) and stepped in on every occasion he hurt someone/attempted to.
if I did n't know she normally ignores him I would feel guilty about my reaction yesterday.