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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Should report ex for historic phone hacking and voyeurism

5 replies

WeirdoEx · 17/02/2026 12:31

Be warned, this is a long read.

I'm currently doing a massive clear out with DH and came across an old mobile phone and some memory cards.

Dh suggested we move the data to our hard drive and bin the old phone and bits.

I told him I wanted to keep it all as it's evidence from when my ex installed a keylogger on my phone, accessed all of my private accounts and had hidden cameras around the house that he lived at with his parents. This was over a decade ago. His parents were in on it too!

At the time, I was so desperate to move on from the toxic relationship that I decided not to act on it, blocked them all completely and never looked back.

Dh was gobsmacked and has suggested that I should report ex, as many of the things he did are now considered illegal.

I'm now in a good place physically and mentally and I would be strong enough to deal with the fallout but the thought of ever hearing from that family again makes me sick with disgust. They are the most fucked up twisted creeps that I've ever come across.

Do you think the police would take my report seriously? I don't want to waste my time if there's not much they can do.

To give you an idea of the things he did. He installed a key logger on my mobile. He accessed all of my social media accounts, emails, messages and everything else. I discovered this when my phone started running really slowly and the battery would drain rapidly. I took it to the repair shop and they told me that the spyware had been installed.

One day after finding out about the phone, I used the family computer and they had stupidly left some pages open. This is where I discovered he had 'hidden' cameras all over the house, this was back when indoor surveillance was really unusual so I really wasn't expecting it.

I realised that he would sit us in front of where the cameras were located to record every conversation/ argument we would have so he could replay them later with his Mummy and discuss/poke holes in everything I said. He would then bring up previous conversations or arguments (having clearly analysed them) to find any faults in what I've said so that he could 'win'.

These cameras also recorded me getting changed and going in and out of the shower. They potentially recorded us having sex but I didn't find evidence of that.

I took some photos and videos of the recordings for proof and kept them hidden.

He also gave me a new phone memory card and USB and I later found out that these had some kind of tracking programme on them. I've kept them too.

Looking back, I'm really just relieved that I no longer have to deal with these psychotic creeps and their mind games but Dh is utterly fuming. He said ultimately the decision is mine and he will support my choices but if it was him, he would be reporting them. If not only for me but for any potential future partners that my find themselves in the same situation.

Aibu to consider reporting my ex after all this time has passed? Would my evidence be enough for them to act on?

OP posts:
Endofyear · 17/02/2026 14:13

You could speak to the police and see what they say. It might be information they can keep on file so that if he's ever arrested for similar crimes, it's corroborating evidence. I think realistically, given the state of the court system at the moment, you're unlikely to see a conviction for his treatment of you, especially with the amount of time that has passed - it does make an investigation more difficult because people's memories fade and timescales can be difficult to pinpoint. But I think it's worth having a conversation with the police, if you're feeling that you want to and not just doing it because your DH thinks you should.

WeirdoEx · 17/02/2026 15:18

Endofyear · 17/02/2026 14:13

You could speak to the police and see what they say. It might be information they can keep on file so that if he's ever arrested for similar crimes, it's corroborating evidence. I think realistically, given the state of the court system at the moment, you're unlikely to see a conviction for his treatment of you, especially with the amount of time that has passed - it does make an investigation more difficult because people's memories fade and timescales can be difficult to pinpoint. But I think it's worth having a conversation with the police, if you're feeling that you want to and not just doing it because your DH thinks you should.

I've never really thought of reporting it until today. I think I'll call the non emergency police number for some advice.

Previously all I wanted was to get away from those creeps but why on earth should they get away with it. I have a mature head on me now and looking back, our relationship was definitely abusive. I was just so young and inexperienced in life and I let them walk all over me.

I don't fully blame ex though. I believe that most of this behaviour was encouraged by his psycho mother. It was very much a love triangle with the 3 of us where she called the shots and was the puppet master of all her children. Thank fuck she won the battle and allowed me to escape!

OP posts:
WeirdoEx · 17/02/2026 21:46

Hopeful bump and update...

I called the police today and they are planning on sending an officer out in the next few weeks to have a chat.

They have advised me that accessing someone's email and other accounts without their knowledge or permission is illegal and as I have proof, they are taking it seriously.

The secret house recordings are also being taken seriously especially as I have proof and they have assured me that it would likely be classed as voyeurism, depending on the evidence I have. It could potentially lead to my ex being taken in for questioning.

I've had a good long think about it today and what my ex and his family did has left me feeling violated. I've blocked it out for so long as a coping mechanism but If reporting him can at least stop that happening to someone else in the future, then i'm happy with that.

OP posts:
Jeschara · 17/02/2026 21:52

Glad to hear your update,and the Police will be contacting you. Your husband is also right, he could do this to other women.

Endofyear · 17/02/2026 23:07

Well done OP, I'm glad the police are taking it seriously. It sounds like you went through a horrible ordeal 😔

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