Grandmother’s health anxiety driving me mad

[Emmi1995]

My grandmother is in her early 70’s. She had breast cancer about a decade ago. I have noticed that in the last couple of years, her health anxiety has massively increased to the point where it’s almost getting ridiculous.

She had a bit of a skin infection around her neck. Was given a cream to use, when it didn’t clear it up within a couple of days, she went back to the doctors for some oral tablets instead. When the tablets didn’t clear it up within 24 hours (it was a week course and the antibiotics probably wouldn’t have even properly been in her system yet), she was back at the doctors again. Then when the doctors said look, try the treatment first and stop coming back here everyday, she went up the hospital instead and even talked about calling an ambulance out.

She finally saw someone else, who said the infection was gone but the skin around the area was very dry and needed intensive moisturising for the next few days. Well, when it wasn’t completely healed the next day, she was talking about the hospital again and contacting the dermatology department.

She goes to this extreme no matter what small ailment she has, and when that is over, she very quickly finds the next thing to fixate on and the cycle repeats itself - I’m at my wits end hearing about it all the time, especially when she doesn’t take the doctors advice and doesn’t properly try any treatment that they give her.

I do have a bit of health anxiety myself, so I get it, but she goes to the extreme of asking for emergency appointments everyday, sitting up the hospital repeatedly, calling out ambulances etc for things that can very easily be managed at home or by the pharmacy.

AIBU for getting so frustrated about this and does anyone have any advice on how to deal with it?

i had an ex like this, at least i managed to escape! Feel for you OP, good luck

Well, she needs some CBT .. her GP is surely aware that she has health anxiety, why isn’t your grandma receiving treatment?

She’s of that generation where she doesn’t believe in therapy, probably wouldn’t engage with it and if she did try it, would probably say that doesn’t work either

I see.. there may well be anxiety medication, in that case.

Fear of ageing and dying, being used to an NHS which once gave daily appointments and all sorts of treatments without it being a problem, health anxiety for sure.
Could you try finding some sort of help - Age UK have phone lines, MIND, groups for older people locally, Cruse or Longfield counselling (I understand that Longfield are free), quick search turned up Key resources include the Age UK Advice Line (0800 678 1602) (8am–7pm daily), The Silver Line helpline (0800 470 80 90)(24/7), Re-engage telephone befriending, and local community,, library, or hobby groups (like U3A).
You could try seeing the GP yourself, obviously you can't talk about her directly but you might find some advice.

I think having had cancer, there's always the fear that it will come back or that you will get some other sort of cancer so I do feel some sympathy for your Grandmother. But it will probably be on her medical notes that she has health anxiety and seeks medical attention when there's no need. I don't think you can do much, just know that the medics are probably aware and will treat her accordingly.

Does she have much else to fill her time? Can you encourage her to participate in some hobbies? Locally to me there is knit and natter at the library, a ladies social group that meets for coffee weekly and have lots of other outings, walking groups, historical society, gardening groups and plenty of charity shops that need volunteers! It may be that she's a bit lonely and needs to get out and about a bit more?

I get this with my dad.

He had cancer and spent 18 months while he was in intensive treatment having to be hyper vigilant about things like his temp/oxygen levels/BP and I think that’s why he’s like he is.

Once he gets one ailment sorted he just jumps onto something else and it drives me to distraction, to the point that I don’t take much notice anymore. I just move the conversation on and then feel really guilty about not listening to him. He also doesn’t listen to the doctors and often messes with his medication/stops taking things and wonders why they don’t work.

I don’t know the answer but I feel your pain.

Having had cancer myself, I think it’s normal to become extremely sensitive to your body and most people go through a period where they’re terrified of a recurrence. It’s particularly difficult after your active treatment has finished and you’re discharged from the hospital, which has become a safety net for all your worries. My GP was brilliant after I was discharged, and sent me off immediately for tests whenever I had something new that worried me. I think they expect that people who have had cancer will be anxious for a period of time and that getting tests to reassure them is the best way of dealing with their anxiety. Don’t forget that your grandmother has been badly let down by her body and for most people a cancer diagnosis is the most terrifying thing that can happen to them - no matter how good their prognosis and recovery, it’s still cancer and everyone still fears the very worst. Hopefully she will begin to feel less anxious as she gets confidence back in her body.