To think uni was a way for parents to get their young adult kids to leave home?

[Thegrassroots26]

To think that in the past university, as well as sometimes being good for qualifying and future career, was a way for parents to get their kids to leave the family home at 18/19? Today, with less going and the financial societal and employment pressures, the landscape has changed for parents and their young adult kids immeasurably.

I wasnt in a uni position in my late teens. My parents did not have the money to support me in a full time course so I had to qualify for my profession part time. As soon as I was finished (age 22) I was promoted to professional grade and able to fly the parental home. It was a tiny 2-up-2-down terrace with 5 of us living there so they were probably quite glad I left. They did make a bit of a "how are we going to manage without your money" show but my mother went back to work part time. I never returned.

I think a massive chunk of jobs uni prepares people for will be done by AI in five to ten years time. Mixed up with work and study online, and the gig economy, I think the world of work/higher education will be unrecognizable. But yeah, my parents couldn't get rid of me fast enough.😂

I went to Uni in the mid 90s. I think it was positive for both the parents and the kids in that it was a structured, supported way of moving out. I came back for the long holidays, but never moved back home full time, as I stayed in a house share in my Uni city.

Someone asked what happened before a lot of people went to Uni. I'm guessing a lot more people got married in their early 20s and moved out then?

My parents needed us to work and bring money in, like their parents did before them.

What do you mean less going ?
It was a very small % that went before Tony Blair education education, education.

Perhaps I’m wrong, I just thought less were going due to student loans being so high and the fact that the benefit of getting employed at the end is lower, more choosing apprenticeships and other avenues.

Yes, my parents made it clear that I could come home for the holidays but once I’d graduated I’d have to get my own place and be socially and financially independent. I chose teaching because it was a secure, regular income with a pension as I knew I was on my own from then on.

In some ways it was good as I had to be self sufficient. I moved to a different part of the country and got on with life but I felt sad when I became a mum and didn’t have my parents round the corner for support when other mums had extended family to lean on. I never have asked them for anything even when my husband lost his job and we were really struggling - that would’ve seemed like failure.

Thanks to those who have got involved. Some really interesting points and insights here. It does make me wonder how this will impact young adults and what the impetus will be to leave home/establish their independence. That said, when I look back on my uni experience I do often feel I was much too young to cope with it all eg that level of freedom, drinking culture etc Kind of glad if mine don’t choose to go to uni, but it’s up to them.

Maybe for their sons, but for their daughters in the past it was marriage.
It hasn’t been that long since women were able to attend University, and even less long since it was allowed but heavily discouraged.

Yes, good point. It’s all relatively recent history. So much change in a short time.

They get a partner, get pregnant, get a housing association house - I know a lot who've done that!

@Thegrassroots26 dd3 (dc4) is in year 13 and desperate to leave home and go to university. She doesn't care about which course particularly or having a huge student loan. In fact she has an offer from St Andrews (we are near London) and she'd have to do an extra year. She hasn't even visited.

This is really sad

This.

It was an socially acceptable way of getting out of a pretty difficult home life.

Yes and no - when they are at uni they aren't there in the vacations and they mostly aren't financially independent. It was ever thus. After the 1980s the shift towards kids returning home after uni started in earnest and we are now seeing more commuting from home to uni.

I'm over 60 - loads of my cohort at uni met future partners at uni and had children in their 20s. A very high number didn't even a token effort at a career before children and/or didn't go back to work after maternity leave/took career break. I felt like a maverick for doing what I felt was the right thing to do with higher education.

Not in the poorer area of the country. Not many kids made from pit villages or ship yard towns. Everyone tended to follow parents into their jobs

oh the benefits were amazing for both parents & the young person. It’s like being a real independent adult, but in safe mode. First year at University Halls is a bit like boarding school. And then youre in a student house, but with all your mates together. And you get two or three years worth of that. And every now and then if you were out of money, etc, you just go onto your parents for a bit. So not quite real world, but almost.

I grew up in quite deprived area and me and my friendship group all moved out to cities, saw how lovely life could be, and never looked back.

I know people who were living with their parents at 30 and I don’t think it did anything for being independent. We had to learn how to split electricity, heating bills and all sorts of things like that budgeting, surviving on your own and making meals. I remember going home in second year thinking I can’t believe I used to live in this house with parents and only have one single room to myself with no responsibility.

If my son doesn’t want to go to university that’s fine, but he’s definitely moving out into rented accommodation so that he can learn to live as an independent adult. No 30 year-old boys living with mummy here.

Way nore go now than in the 80s and 90s surely?! and definitely more than in the 60s and 70s (women, for a start). It might be rebalancing again but I really dont think it was a common option to get your kids to move out in the 60/70/80s, particularly if they were daughters (marriage did that though I guess).

Well, not quite given you can live with parents and go to a local university. You don’t have to live on campus at most universities.

The thing you are missing, is simply the world has changed.

Loads more people go to university now to the extent the job market is over saturated with educated young people. Hence, the barrier to entry for jobs now tends to be degrees AND several years of experience, or post-grad education instead of a mere bachelors. The high cost of education is rarely a barrier given that student loans exist, as more people go to university now then before.

The problem, is the high entry to starting and developing a career. So whilst education is still appealing, many people don’t then go on to work in their degree fields.

As a result, amongst people under 30 I’d say there’s a huge entrepreneurial mindset and shift to being a business owner, influencer or whatever self employed endeavour - as that is more accessible than high educational attainment/careers associated. So whilst you might assume, based on your generation, that being a traditional professional is desirable, that isn’t the case for today’s young people. Because getting those sorts of jobs generally is tends to be competitive and ultimately leads to an income with a ceiling, whereas being self employed seems to unlock extremely high salaries and being able to stay afloat in a cost of living squeeze.

Ds's accommodation was rented from 1st July to 30th June. He did generally come home during the vacations though in the summer he'd do some gadding about. He didn't generally stay in his rented accommodation until about a week before the new university year though there were normally a couple who did.

Horrible thing to say. Why would you want to do to that?

Degree apprenticeships are getting more popular now due to the rising cost of university. I’m certainly encouraging my children to consider those. Although one is considering medicine, so not an option! Why saddle yourself with all that debt? Also, many jobs don’t require degrees and not everyone wants to go to uni. Times are changing. Especially in England where you have to pay thousands. A waste of money if you can’t get a job at the end of it. Many employers now say it’s not worth it if you don’t get a first!

Developing independence isn’t the only benefit to young adults leaving home.
It also encourages lots to move to different parts of the country, to broaden their horizons, meet people from different backgrounds etc.

This is key to developing empathy, understanding etc of different cultures, different viewpoints.

A country where more and more stay put where they grew up risks increasingly narrow, intolerant outlooks, parochialism and insularity.

I will encourage dd to leave home for uni to try living somewhere different. To challenge her subconscious prejudices.

Incidentally dd thinks she can’t be biased as she’s mixed race - yet she doesn’t want to move up north as she thinks all northerners are racist.
That’s exactly why I’m encouraging her to try a northern uni. To challenge that bias and see that those being most offensive on SM don’t speak for all.

Maybe not somewhere with a Reform constituency though….

No, I don’t think so. I feel like most parents wanted their kids to go to uni because they wanted them to achieve well in life. I lived at home during uni and so did most of my friends, no one I know received any pressure to move out. I knew some who moved out for first year to halls of residence and then moved back in second year because unis only allowed first years in halls and older than that they had to find a flat to rent with friends.

Yes, mine left for university in 2011 and didn't come home, he stayed in his university city