Gym bore husband who rarely goes to the gym

[FlowerPowre]

I will preface this to say I am probably being unreasonable and I am due on which may explain the levels of absolute rage I feel right now 😂

Husband is an absolute gym bore. Spends hours reading and researching (and telling me about) gym equipment, routines, workouts, nutrition etc. Bangs on and on about how much protein he needs (to be fair, he's a big man, 6'3 and quite muscular), takes supplements and protein shakes. Every day tells me how he's setting his alarm at 6am to go to the gym. Then how he's going to do a mobility session after work or before bed. Regularly studies himself in mirrors, asking me if I can see any differences or what I think. I don't give a shit, I am very happy with him exactly how he is and have told him that. I am also very active, go to the gym 3-4 days a week, go running, walk the dog, etc. I don't bang on and on about it though sharing how much weight I've lifted and how much protein I've consumed etc

Here's the catch. He hardly ever fucking goes to the gym!!!!!!!

In the last 3 weeks he's been 3 times. Sets his alarm for 6am every morning and then never fucking gets up.

I don't care if he doesn't go to the gym as often as he would like to but stop fucking talking like you're in there for hours every day because you don't have the willpower to follow through!!!!

Aaaand rant over, breathe.......

AIBU to get so annoyed?!

This!

What difference does it actually make to you though?

Maybe he other issues going on about his appearance, maybe he doesnt have the confidence to go to the gym?

Instead of criticising and moaning, have you actually asked him whats going on?

is going to the gym together not an option?

It would irritate me but nothing on earth gives me the rage as much as people who set their alarm and don't get up. I'm always knackered, value my sleep a lot snd someone waking me 45 minutes early just to go back to sleep would only get away with doing it a couple of times before they were banished or their alarm clock mysteriously went missing

I’ll hold the shovel …

I think I would genuinely try to motivate him at least once, especially if you're awake too
"Come on Jim, you said you were going to get up, you've set the alarm, you're awake, you might as well go"
And make sure he's got his clothes and shake ready the night before.
I would do this ONCE and then he's on his own and just gets the piss taken...but it is hard to get into a habit

Also make him an inspirational poster 😁

Arg with that alarm thing i'd be sleeping in separate bedrooms. There a few behaviours more annoying than waking other people up with your alarm and then ignoring it yourself.

I'd tell him that 90% of the benefits from exercise come from consistency and it's better to do little and often than spend all day in the gym once every three months.

If there's no consistency I have no idea what he's looking at in the mirror - there won't BE any change.

Next time he says he is setting his alarm to go, say brilliant I will support you by kicking you out of bed so you actually go. And you do not moan at me for doing so BECAUSE I AM SUPPORTING YOU!!!!

And if he still doesn't go, next time "he's setting his alarm to go to the gym" he can sleep on the sofa/in the spare room so he doesn't wake you up.

Have you got ant common interests? What would you usually talk about or do together?As you do go to the gym, maybe it is an attempt to connect with you.

Gosh that sounds boring as feck.

LOL this is me and my husband too. I spend all year running about doing everything around the house, sorting our our toddler, doing my allotment etc and then he will go on a health kick every once in a while, start going to the gym every day and encourage me to go with him as if I never do anything 😂 Bloody cheek isn't it.

Fuck that is be telling him to sleepin the spare room if he woke me 45 mins early without actually getting up 😵🤬🤬🤬

It’s the alarm that’s the real issue for me. Having his alarm wake me up earlier than needed for no reason, I’d have to have a word. Tell him you don’t mind the alarm if he’s actually using it to get up and go to the gym, but if it’s waking you up for no reason at all, he can start sleeping in the spare room.

I would definitely be telling him to turn the early alarm off for his imaginary gym sessions!

I can sympathise though @FlowerPowre

my hobby is running, and i am quite reasonable at it. DH , several years ago, decided to appoint himself as "my coach" . He had very limited experience of running himself and no credentials in any sort of coaching. It basically consisted of telling me what/what not to eat (not researched, just his opinion) and saying i had underperformed in some races (that I was actually quite happy with!) and trying to take some credit for races he thought id done well in! Telling me what to eat gave me the rage but everything else I laughed at and told him to be quiet. He doesnt do it any more, thankfully.

I'd be furious if an alarm was going off daily at 6am just to be ignored. But presumably it does disturb you. I think you should tell him if he genuinely does want to go gym that early he has to sleep in another room so the alarm stops disturbing you.

He sounds appallingly vain, constantly posing in mirrors and asking you about his muscles etc. What a dreadful bore. It's just not sexy, is it?

Next time he starts one of his rants, just say 'shouldn't you be at the gym now then? Seeing as you skipped the last three sessions?' Then just change the subject. Or leave the room!

How have you not got to the point of telling him to shut the fuck up?

Yes!

Anyone can read every bit of theory available, maybe even buy some equipment for exercise but without the practical application it doesn't mean much.

Do it back to him. When you get back from the gym, go on in minute details about every machine you went on, every class, every shower, every coffee.

Tell him he can earn time to talk about the gym by actually going to the gym. 10 minutes of talking at you for every gym session.

Refuse to listen if he hasn't earned the talk time. Just shrug and say sorry - maybe head to the gym then we can talk?

It's called: "not doing it in a doing-it sort of way."

Oh I’ve got one of these except it’s diet based rather than gym based. My dh is very overweight whereas I am (and always have been) slim. He consistently overeats and eats poorly. I eat the right amount and eat well. I make him the same food I eat but he insists it’s “too rich” (we’re talking chicken salad with a dressing for example) and it will make him gain weight so he declines the food and “makes” his own food which often consists of 2 weetabix and some fruit…but then he’s so hungry by 10pm that he raids the freezer for beige food or orders a takeaway. Anyway, in the last couple of years he’s taken to obsessively watching videos about healthy diets/foods/supplements and is constantly sending me videos of US nutritionists and conspiracy theorists talking about stuff being hidden in our foods and how they’re trying to kill us off with certain chemicals added to food, but these are often things that aren’t allowed to be added to food in the UK. He also lectures me on what I should be eating as he’s just discovered that a balanced diet of whole foods is best and he acts like he’s the only person in the world with this knowledge and proceeds to lecture others on it. Honestly, it’s infuriating. He also decided he wanted to try a specific diet as he was told by his doctor he was close to developing diabetes. He bought a bunch of books, handed them to me (because I do the food shopping) and said “read those and let me know what I can eat”. WTH!?! I handed them back to him and told him he needs to read the books and make a list of foods he wants me to buy. Despite the constant talk of diet and healthy foods, he never loses any weight, and quite honestly I’m sick to the back teeth of listening to the constant talk and lectures on healthy diets. It’s boring and I don’t need the advice. I also get accused of not being supportive because I won’t read the books or cook two separate meals every evening.

Self delusion is one of the hardest traits to deal and reason with. Could you start doing a nod and 'yes darling'

The alarm clock is unreasonably annoying!

Dear Lord I think I would accidentally kill him!

Op definitely call him out on the alarm tell him your sick of being woken up by his alarm that he doesn’t hear and doesn’t go the gym anyway. Just say you talk about the gym but you don’t go often so until you go again there’s no need to give me details on the gym you know how it works.