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Original poster

Preferred Name?

31 replies

HeyGoat · 17/02/2026 08:15

After a bit of guidance please for a preschool form (which will then become his primary school). My son has a long name and then a shortened name we use day to day. For example along the lines of Thomas-Tom, Matthew-Matt and we rarely use the long version.

On the school form we have the option for a “preferred name” - do you suggest using it or assume the teachers will naturally do it?

OP posts:
Whyhaveibeencutoutofmamsnot · 17/02/2026 08:19

Please put preferred name. Teachers get a lot of stick if they use the wrong shortened version. Even to the point of criticism eg saying sheeeeeela rather than shelaaaaaaaa.

1000StrawberryLollies · 17/02/2026 08:22

Tbh I don't see any reason why you wouldn't put it on the form. What would be the downside of doing so? Some children are known by a shortening and some aren't. How is the teacher supposed to know if they aren't told?

Mulledjuice · 17/02/2026 08:23

So baffled by this post.

Why would you not put "preferred name" in the box specifically for it when you have described the exact scenario it is there for?

GaspingGekko · 17/02/2026 08:24

I would only shorten if told to do so. If there was a form specifically asking for preferred name and no shortened version was put in there I absolutely wouldn't shorten the name.

Original poster
HeyGoat · 17/02/2026 08:25

It was more as on paperwork etc he’ll have his full name so I didn’t want the preferred name to change that.

OP posts:
Original poster
HeyGoat · 17/02/2026 08:29

Mulledjuice · 17/02/2026 08:23

So baffled by this post.

Why would you not put "preferred name" in the box specifically for it when you have described the exact scenario it is there for?

Also as we have a colleague at work whose preferred name is on his email, but he’d have “preferred” for official reasons to have his full name. So didn’t want similar for DS (although he doesn’t have an email….)

OP posts:
HighLadyofTheNightCourt · 17/02/2026 08:29

If you’d like him to be called by the shorter version then put it on.
It probably will get shortened naturally but not for a while.
My DS was in year 4 before people started using the short version organically.

AgnesMcDoo · 17/02/2026 08:30

Use the form. Give the teacher a break

Twittable · 17/02/2026 08:31

My daughter is known by a shortened version of her name, she’s 12 now and hates being called my her full name so we have always put the short version as the preferred name. Unbelievably, we are now finding that her friends are shortening the shortened form further - she may end up just being called one letter if this carries on 😂

Sweetiedarling7 · 17/02/2026 08:32

Mulledjuice · 17/02/2026 08:23

So baffled by this post.

Why would you not put "preferred name" in the box specifically for it when you have described the exact scenario it is there for?

Exactly. What a waste of typing.

SamBeckettslastleap · 17/02/2026 08:33

My son's preferred name was on everything, register, reports, newsletters everything. So much that 90% of friends/teachers had no idea what his actual name was.

Only during formal exams did he use his real name.

(Before anyone says wtf-We hadn't planned to use the NN, it just evolved and suits him much better than his given name- although he likes the fact he has a formal name and a everyday name and he is now a young adult)

EvangelicalAboutButteredToast · 17/02/2026 08:37

If you write the preferred name they are going to use the preferred name. It might be used as the name on his peg and even the register might be adjusted to incorporate it.

If you wrote nothing in that box they might only use the long name. I got caught in a catch22 with my child’s old school as he decided he only wanted to be k own as his long name at school but I only ever called him by his short name. It ended up almost like a pronoun issue. The staff became robotic about the bloody name! His new school is so much more normal about it. They call him variations of his name across the school and I love it. To me they say the short version, to him they say the long version. Written down I’ve seen all variations including nick names. It really is ‘a thing’.

EvangelicalAboutButteredToast · 17/02/2026 08:39

Mulledjuice · 17/02/2026 08:23

So baffled by this post.

Why would you not put "preferred name" in the box specifically for it when you have described the exact scenario it is there for?

I’m not baffled at all weirdly I think it’s a fair question as names, particularly nowadays, can follow them across school abd beyond. Get it right early doors and life is a lot easier.

Goldenmare · 17/02/2026 08:39

If you don’t put down ‘Tom’ as the preferred name, the teachers will call him ‘Thomas’.

Is that what you want OP?

Because if you actually want them to call him ‘Tom’ you should include that on the form as the preferred name.

Kiwi09 · 17/02/2026 08:39

HeyGoat · 17/02/2026 08:29

Also as we have a colleague at work whose preferred name is on his email, but he’d have “preferred” for official reasons to have his full name. So didn’t want similar for DS (although he doesn’t have an email….)

Show quote history

What name does your child prefer? It’d be best to use that. If he decides he’d prefer the other version at some point in the future he can always change.

Holdonforsummer · 17/02/2026 08:40

The over thinking here! Poor OP.

EvangelicalAboutButteredToast · 17/02/2026 08:42

Goldenmare · 17/02/2026 08:39

If you don’t put down ‘Tom’ as the preferred name, the teachers will call him ‘Thomas’.

Is that what you want OP?

Because if you actually want them to call him ‘Tom’ you should include that on the form as the preferred name.

Edited

if she writes Tom thinking he’ll be called both names, but Tom is the preferred nick name I think she’ll find he’ll only ever be called Tom. If she sticks with Thomas she’ll most likely only ever hear and see Thomas but his peer group will decide his nick name as he moves through the school.

Inmyuggs · 17/02/2026 08:45

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

EvangelicalAboutButteredToast · 17/02/2026 08:49

Holdonforsummer · 17/02/2026 08:40

The over thinking here! Poor OP.

Having navigated this myself it really isn’t overthinking. There’s nothing more weird than adults using a name you don’t recognise as your own child’s name - even if it’s the one on the birth certificate.

Only fill in the preferred name if that’s the name you want to hear for seven years. Only leave them with the long version if that’s the name you want to hear for seven years. Lots of schools are really weird about this stuff now, so think carefully.

ittakes2 · 17/02/2026 08:51

we shortened my daughter's name from birth which is common in my home country. She has never been called her legal name to the point she came home from her first day of school aged 4 to say her teacher said her name is X. It had never occurred to me to tell her her legal name so young as school had asked for preferred name. But at role call for the next 13 years they always used her legal name not preferred name.

user2848502016 · 17/02/2026 08:51

Yes I would put it down or it might be confusing for your DS - they mean what do you want them to call him in the class, they will still use his long name officially

Zanatdy · 17/02/2026 08:53

Yes if that’s what you want them to call him. They won’t shorten naturally unless you specify.

CremeEggsForBreakfast · 17/02/2026 08:54

I consider that box to be for the kind of situation where a child isn't known by their first name at all. There are plenty of children who go by their middle names or a nickname unrelated to their first name at all.

Do you/DS mind if he's called "Thomas" or would he not recognise that as his name? If he wouldn't know who "Thomas" was then I'd put "Tom" as his preferred name but if it's no big deal then maybe just a note in the box or have a conversation saying you don't have a strong preference but you're happy for them to shorten his name to "Tom".

My own son has a long and unusual first name and though we have our preferred shortening at home I'm happy for him to be called anything as long as he doesn't mind (If I asked him today he'd say his "preferred name" was Rey from Star Wars).

Randomchat · 17/02/2026 08:54

On the school form we have the option for a “preferred name” - do you suggest using it or assume the teachers will naturally do it?

Don't assume the teacher will naturally shorten his name. 2 of my kids go by the full version of their name. Tell school the name he uses in the box provided for that exact purpose

Moonnstarz · 17/02/2026 08:57

A lot of parents don't like their child's name being shortened so I think if your son does usually go by a different name to what is on the register then you need to put it down.
There are a few Benjamin's and Edward's in my children's school who are exactly that. One parent did moan about their Edward being called Ed by a teacher as that isn't what they call them.