My DH and I (47, him 54) have no intimacy in our marriage. It is completely sexless and has been like this apart from one time 1.5 years ago for over 5 years.
I feel like he is only interested if I meet specific visual standards.
After my last child it was much harder to lose the weight. I stayed 10 kg heavier. A UK size 10-12 instead of a UK size 6-8 (70 kg at 168cm). He himself had done no exercise in 15 years and was obese on the BMI (110 kg at 178cm).
When I lost the weight, the sexual advances came thick and fast.
I had given up initiating after a number of humiliating rebuffs and a generally obvious lack of interest (eg at one point saying when I suggested we exercise together 'I don't have anyone to look good for anyway'). I had been trying for years to address it.
I am so angry at him and feel so taken for granted and that he is incredibly shallow.
When we spoke about it recently he had a range of excuses (the children were not sleeping through the night, I was tired, he was waiting for me to settle into the new house, he felt 'selfish' asking for it).
I currently don't want him to touch me at all.
Because when he did start initiating enthusiastically the only change was my weight. Our son was still not sleeping through and we had been in the new house for over a year. And I was still attractive, I thought, at a size 10-12.
I find it hard to believe that a man with a normal sex drive, a man that is attracted to his partner or a heterosexual man can live with a woman in close proximity for four years and not try much, much harder to have sex with her.
I think the simplest explanation is he simply found me so repulsive at a size 12 that he didn't want anything to do with me in that way and that feels like a betrayal.
AIBU to think he is lying?