To think “I speak my mind” usually means “I’m rude?”

[HonestNotHarsh]

People use “just being honest” to justify saying whatever they want with no emotional intelligence.
AIBU?

And the mouth hanging open in disbelief if you are ‘honest’ with them.

Yes. And these people never like it when other people speak their minds back to them.

I don't know.

I think there needs to be a way to express ' I say what I mean and I mean what I say'.

So, 'I like your dress' means I like your dress, and 'let's have coffee sometime' means I'd actually like to get coffee. Also, if someone is annoyed I'd like to know, and know why, and that's easiest if they come right out with it.

None of this is an excuse for being casually rude though.

Yes. Gobshites and bellends, every one of them.
I will give an honest opinion IF I am asked for it.
People who say “I speak my mind” mean that they will give you their unsolicited, negative opinions and they don’t want to have to defend their ignorant half-arsed points either. They’re not actually making positive points or dishing out random compliments to make the world a happier place are they? They mean “I will spout whatever nonsense I want, whenever I want and I don’t care what anyone thinks”. Which is lucky, because everyone thinks you’re a twat Brian.

Belle from love island

YANBU

Absolutely. See also 'I'm direct', 'If I've got something to say I say it,' and 'People always know where they stand with me.' 🙄

A truth that's told with bad intent beats all the lies one can invent.. William Blake..

Yes, my late SIL (DH’s sister) could be like this, as was his late mum. Very much ‘I speak as I find’. Made for some trying family occasions as I was always brought up to be truthful but to always consider others at the same time.

Yeah, it's usually code for "I have no filter and zero empathy".

Yes, I mean when someone claims they’re “just being honest,” should apply to everything. If they were truly motivated by truthfulness, they’d be just as open about positive and kind observations, as they are about criticisms.

When honesty only shows up in the form of harsh comments or put downs, it looks less like integrity and more like a convenient excuse to say unkind things without taking responsibility for the impact.

Yes my stepmother 'says it as she sees it' - aka insensitive as fuck a lot of the time 😆

That one is worse, it said as if it were some major bloody achievement

Agree, YANBU. My heart always sinks when someone prefaces what they are about to say with:

"I'm a straight-talker"
"I say it how it is"
"I call a spade a spade"
"I don't beat around the bush"
"I speak as I find"

Or any similar themed group of words that means they are about to opine usually rudely on someone or something else's shortcomings under the guise of "honest straight talking"!

It is perfectly possible to communicate clearly and honestly without being a thoughtless tosser.

No. I think people in the UK are just overly sensitive about everything 🙄 everything is offending everyone these days

Yep agree as know a few, but trying giving the same treatment back!!
They don't like it

Edited- try not trying

I’m not so sure.
I’m finding it difficult to navigate the passive aggressiveness and the hypocrisy that comes with never expressing negative feelings, thoughts, opinions, setting boundaries etc. There is a vagueness akin to aggressiveness: you are an uneducated boor, because you don’t veil very well, dear, do you?

I don’t think so. British etiquette usually allows us to make our point while still remaining polite.

That’s not to say that other, plainer speaking countries are rude.

The kind of person we are discussing here isn’t just being direct, they are being actively rude and using “honesty” as a shield.

"I don’t think so. British etiquette usually allows us to make our point while still remaining polite."

As someone who wasn't raised by British parents (and who has also been diagnosed with autism) I actually find British "etiquette" incredibly confusing. It's not polite to make up white lies or to cushion the blow by saying "Ooh yes, we must meet up for a coffee" when you clearly have no intention of ever speaking to me again.

My parents were (and still are) very straightforward and I find that so much easier to deal with.

Ah, I wasn’t suggesting that lies (white or any other colour) was ok. And I don’t think (to quote a previous poster) that hypocrisy or passive aggression is ok either.

But I have generally found that it is entirely possible to be both honest and polite.

YANBU. Everyone I have known who says a version of "I just speak my mind" has been rude and insulting and doesn't care if they upset anyone.

I didn't mean to suggest you were, sorry!

I guess for me, I struggle with a lot of social "rules" like small talk, non-apologies (or clearly false apologies), and being polite just to avoid hurting people's feelings - because my experience is that long-term, it's more painful than if that person was just straightforward to begin with.

I've met very, very people who are genuinely honest and polite - they're either a lot more rude than they realise they're being OR they're clearly talking out their arse and trying to make people feel better.

Came to say this very thing

Yes, I had a colleague like this. She would say "I say it is it is" no, you're a fucking twat!

It doesn't offend me, i just think they are a bit of a knob, why would anyone be offended because someone else lacks social graces