To have a baby?

[LoafRocket]

My best friend is getting married next year, and has asked me to be a bridesmaid. My partner and I were planning to start trying for baby number two after our little one turns one, as we'd love a two year age gap. But this may well coincide with the wedding if we conceived quickly as we did last time around, and therefore I may be due or have very recently given birth.

Obviously this might not happen, but I feel conflicted. On the one hand, I don't want to put my life on hold, because who knows - it could take ages to conceive this time around - and I don't want to delay it, but I also feel guilty about skipping out on my friend. I'm probably people pleasing, idk.

AIBU if I were to end up missing my friend's wedding to have a baby?

With things like this, you never put your life on hold for others…try for the baby.

Baby conception is not an exact science! Go for it. Unless your friend is a mega bridezilla- and in which case is she really a friend, she should be delighted for you.

Of course if you want to ttc you shouldn’t try to plan round your friend’s wedding! I’m sure she wouldn’t expect you to

Yeah don't change your whole life plan based on one day out with a friend!

Don’t live your life around your friend’s glorified party. No one ever says “Maybe I should postpone my wedding because my friend who I want to be my bridesmaid is trying to conceive…” do they?!

Go for it. If you get pregnant there’ll be plenty of notice for your friend.
Don’t put important life matters on hold for the sake of a wedding!

You never know what life will throw at you, I didn’t get to ‘choose’ any of my age gaps despite trying to plan. One age gap ended up being 10 years, try for you baby, don’t put your life on hold.

So around 12 weeks, she'll have time to choose another BM. The issue is the dress, if she is going to pay out for it. Can you confide in her and see what she says?

If you conceive quickly you will be able to give her several months of warning that she'll need to find another bridesmaid (if she wants to). You have to ask yourself whether, if you had trouble conceiving, you'd regret putting it on hold for a while. Personally I wouldn't consider waiting.

I'd personally hold off for just a couple of months so the date of the wedding wouldn't be around my due date. That's not to say I'd think anyone else should do the same. If one of my bridesmaids ended up dropping out of the wedding due to pregnancy I would have been happy for them. I would appreciate a heads up though before buying dresses.

Thanks all. I think I knew I should just go for it, but just felt a bit bad so needed someone to tell me it's OK! 😅

She knows I'd like another baby soon, so it shouldn't be a shock, and if I were to get pregnant I would obviously tell her as early as possible so she can adjust whatever plans she might need to.

My best friend and bridesmaid didn't make it to my wedding because she was in labour and gave birth the day after our wedding. I was gutted she couldn't be there but I was so happy for her (first baby) and her husband and that the baby was here safe and sound (complications in pregnancy) that it overrode all my other feelings. She told me straight away that she was trying to get pregnant and then when she was pregnant and that her due date would clash with the wedding day and it was always a case of "well I'd love you to still be in the wedding but understand if you don't feel up to it nearer the time." We've been married 10 years now and she's still my BFF and I love her daughter to pieces and the fact that she wasn't there has never come up or been an issue. Please don't put your life on hold and I'm sure your friend will understand x