First time poster here.
I’ve had the Nexplanon implant since 2017 and get it replaced every three years. It’s due for replacement this December. I’ve never had any problems with it before, but over the past few days I’ve been feeling very low. I’ve never struggled with my mental health, and on paper everything in my life is good. But out of nowhere, I suddenly feel overwhelmed and unlike myself.
On Friday at work, I was really snappy and irritable. I felt angry and couldn’t control it, everything and everyone annoyed me. Saturday was Valentine’s Day, so I held it together, but I felt completely drained. Even basic things like getting in the shower felt exhausting. All I wanted to do was stay in bed, but I pushed through. The only way I can describe it is that I felt physically weighed down, like something was dragging me down. (My husband got me flowers, a framed photo of us, and took me to a lovely restaurant so it wasn’t anything to do with him.)
By Sunday, I couldn’t hold it in anymore and just started crying. Once I started, I couldn’t stop. I was sobbing but couldn’t explain why. It felt silly because I knew I wasn’t crying over anything specific. My husband asked what was wrong and said I was crying like someone had died. I told him I didn’t know what was wrong, I just didn’t feel like myself. I said it felt like a dark cloud was hanging over me. He said that if that’s how I feel, imagine how it feels for him being around me. This is the first time I’ve ever felt like this. I apologised and reassured him he hadn’t done anything wrong and that I appreciated everything he did for Valentine’s Day. I truly don’t understand why I feel this way.
He told me he wasn’t going to do any of the “lovey-dovey stuff” or keep asking if I’m okay, and that if I’m choosing to cry over nothing, that’s up to me. I tried to explain that I’m not choosing this and it is completely out of my control. If I could just switch it off and feel normal again, I would. We ended up spending the rest of the day apart.
Later that evening, I tried to talk to him again and said I’d been Googling and wondered if it could be related to my implant. He said he didn’t want to talk about it and that listening to me was draining. He said he just wanted the day and even the whole week to be over, so he can skip to next weekend where is away from me with his friends. I apologised again for how this has affected him and said I’m trying to understand what’s going on with me, he said my constant apologising was annoying.My husband’s reaction has made me feel like I can’t open up to anyone else (family or friends) because I feel like a burden. I don’t want to feel like this, but I can’t help it. I’m not blaming my husband, but his response made me feel worse. I just wanted a hug and some reassurance that everything would be okay. Instead, he wouldn’t even look at me and just stared at the TV until I stopped talking.
I don’t even know what the point of this post is. I just needed to get it off my chest and hopefully feel a little less alone, because right now I feel incredibly alone.