To think I’m a mug

[Toddlerteaplease]

Walking past a cafe and a bloke stops me asking for a slice of chocolate cake. So agre to buy him one, then he starts dropping hints about hot chocolate as well. And how it was 15 hours before he got a hot drink yesterday. I should have suggested I get him something from the Tesco across the road. It was rather expensive!

I think the manager is quite impressed as to how this bloke manages to persuade people!

But he didn’t get aggressive with you, OP — so exactly what was it made you decide to buy a stranger a piece of cake? Just because he asked? I mean, are you just not good at saying no to things?

This makes him sound more than a bit silly.

"Sorry, no" and keep walking.

Then he can't persuade anyone.

This is where sometimes you get your purse out to give someone some money or buy some and they or an accomplice grabs your purse/phone or bag whilst you're distracted.
Just saying.

I took a homeless guy for pizza. He was in a right state and genuinely starving. Had an interesting chat with him too.

It's nice to be nice.

@Nuncheoni thought he genuinely might be hungry. It did cross my mind that something more substantial might have been better. But then thought why shouldn’t he have a treat now and again.

I think I’ll start hanging round outside our local Costa, asking people to buy me cake

I’m a bit confused.

I don’t think anyone is a mug for buying someone a hot drink or food but you admit that he was smoking and you were annoyed at this at the time - so why agree?

I would have just said no, or if you wanted to buy him the cake then stopped at that.

I would never feel bad about doing a good deed, even if they were a chancer.
But if you already had alarm bells going off (like the smoking) then just say no sorry and walk on.

Try selling magic beans too.

Well it would appear I’m not the only gullible muppet. The barista said he’d been in again today with another lady.

I guess it boosts their sales and despite everything, you went back.

Edited to ask what you would have done if he'd been there pestering you again today ?

@grumpygrape I always go to that branch on my days off. If I’d seen him again I’d have told him absolutely no chance/ or ignored him.

I regularly get a hot drink and a sandwich for the homeless guy outside our local coop, if he's there. You're a nice person, don't feel bad about it. Now you know you can offer him a cheaper drink if you want to or just say no next time, but don't feel like a 'mug' or 'gullible' - I'd rather have an instinct to be nice and occasionally help someone who might not 100% need it than automatically say no.

Thanks for answering.

I understand the feeling of wanting to be kind/help/etc., but sometimes it's better to be firm from the start.

I used to ask a couple of Big Issue sellers if they would like a drink or food from Greggs when I picked up my take away lunch (don't judge me for that !) but they were regulars and, in those days, there was a sort of legitimacy about BI sellers.

Nowadays I just support YMCA and Salvation Army.

There's a guy who goes into a Starbucks near where I used to work, staff would give him the odd coffee for free and he would often ask outside for people to buy him one. Staff said he would always manage to get at least one.
I would sometimes say yes, a Starbucks is a bit of a treat for me, so I wouldn't always be able to afford to, but we'd have a chat either way.
He wasn't homeless but lived in supported accommodation I think.
I don't work in that part of the city anymore, but I hope he's doing okay.

You did a nice thing OP. Don't feel bad about it. Even if he is a chancer with a pattern of doing this, he obviously isn't mentally OK or doing well in life so your sympathy wasn't totally misplaced.

I met a young woman who told me she was homeless and pregnant and I gave her a 20. I saw her later with another person drinking cans of beer and smoking in the park. I was furious with myself at first but on reflection, i remembered she was extremely thin and pale, yet very young. She couldn't have been brought up well and look like that. I know my money won't buy her a better life but maybe she had a better day. I think its important that people at their lowest feel they aren't invisible or forgotten

I got approached a couple of years ago when I was visiting London for the day and they appeared quite unkempt and so, I thought, I'd buy him somethink like a sandwich or similar but realised there wasn't such place to buy one from. Saw a Chinese takeaway, and asked if I can buy a snack for him there like chips or something, but he ended up ordering a full meal and a drink for £12!!! Was shocked to say no and just paid. That'll teach me for being a softie.