Blended families: how to best split household bills?

[user1469481379]

My partner and I are about to move in together. I have two children who live with me full time, and he has one child who stays with us around half the time.
I will be covering my own child specific costs (clothes, school trips, clubs, birthday parties etc).

We are now deciding how to split household bills such as groceries and utilities. Should we split per head (so I pay more because I have more children), or split 50/ 50 between the adults?

We both earn good incomes so we are not struggling day to day. He has not refused to pay anything, I just want to get clear in my own head what I think is fair before we agree something.

YABU: I should pay more as I have more children
YANBU: split 50 / 50 between adults

I think you should absolutely pay more as your children will be living there FT.

I'd probably do something like half price for kids so you 1+1/2+1/2 and him 1+1/4. so ration 2:1 1/4

I’d say 50:50. We aren’t a blended family but just put a set amount into an account for all household expenses.

More for you, yes. How are the rooms divided? Is there one for you two to share and one each for the children?

What are you doing about mortgage/rent?

I'd say 50/50 - if your living as a family I'd behave as one I also feel like splitting other ways could get complicated if say his child comes more often or you have a child together

How do your current costs compare, and will you be saving money by moving in together? .

Housing should be split depending on rooms, if his child has a room and yours share for example, 50/50. If all have their own (or all share) then you should pay more.

You should split a mortgage 50/50 (if joint tenants) because you’d each get half the equity. You should split rent per bedroom.

You should be paying more for food and anything on a meter, but non-metered bills 50/50.

Basically you should each cover your children’s costs.

50/50

You pay more as your using more, also would hope your dc dad is paying maintenance which would be for your dc costs!

I would agree adult = 1 child = 0.5.

So he is 1+0.25 =1.25

You are 1+3x0.5=2.5

So 1.25/3.75 for him and 2.5/3.75 for you for consumables.

I think bills 50-50 but you should pay some more for groceries

50/50.
You’re already covering your own child specific costs.

50/50. You’re not flatmates.

And he’s not her kids’ dad, or even their legal stepdad. Money he spends on her kids is at a direct detriment to his own.

OP other things to discuss before moving in:

• how to pay for holidays
• how illness or joblessness will be covered
• which expenses are personal and which are family (eg car, pets)
• will you agree budgets for Christmas and birthdays so children are treated equally
• house rules and whether they’re applicable to all children: screen time, discipline, homework, bedtime, chores
• if you want another child, how will maternity leave be covered, and what’s the expectation for when you return to full time work

I agree it depends on rooms. If your DC have a room each, you should pay more. If they share and his DC has their own room, you should pay the same.

Thank you everyone. We are planning to get married and hopefully have a baby together. I do not receive child maintenance, for reasons I would rather not go into. DP has a good income, so we are not struggling financially. My income is sufficient to cover all of my own children’s specific costs, such as Christmas, parties, clubs and childcare, and I will continue to pay for those. I am just wondering about how best to split electricity, groceries and household bills.

If and when you get married and try for a baby, you can discuss again, but I think you’d be very unreasonable to expect him to subsidise you and your kids before that happens.

A good salary doesn’t go far these days when it’s supporting four kids and a partner on maternity leave!

Also if you‘re getting no maintenance and you can’t easily afford groceries and electricity for your existing kids, please focus on your career instead of having another baby.

You didn’t answer about rent/mortage-is he moving int your property or are you moving into his? How are the rooms shared between the two families?

I think if you're moving in you have to behave as a family. I would split proportionally relative to income.

The person who loses out there is the DP’s child.

Honestly, I’d be embarrassed to expect an unrelated man to subsidise mine and my kids’ bills. Feminism only works one way on this forum…

You pay more in this situation.

Well, no, not necessarily. Assuming the DP is the higher earner, he'll still have more left over than the OP to spend on his child.

If DP's child gets a bedroom at the new house they also get nicer facilities, bigger reception, kitchen, garden etc, than potentially DP could afford on his own.

Leaving aside the emotional baggage/changes of living with stepfamily and looking at it purely from a materialist pov.

You pay 65% he pays 35% of bills.

Factoring in a child at 80% of an adult, you having 2 full time him having 1 50% of the time.