When to stop tolerating awful friend

[lilybit2025]

For the past 5 years she has become increasingly volatile and rude. It started as the odd backhanded compliment but has escalated into full-blown insensitivity. She prides herself on being “honest” but it’s honesty to the point of being downright nasty commenting on people’s appearances, putting others down, making digs disguised as jokes.

She’s flaky, disorganised, cancels last minute and is rarely grateful for anything. She constantly complains about money and how hard done by she is, yet she lives at home, earns more than the rest of us, has just bought a flat with a huge contribution from her parents and still claims she’s “skint” despite having around £600 disposable income a month. Her parents pay for everything car, holidays, cosmetic surgery the lot. Yet she acts like life has dealt her the roughest hand imaginable. She has a new boyfriend she doesn't stop talking about and brags about how rich he is 😂

Since she lost a lot of weight, her attitude has become even worse. When I’ve introduced her to other friends of mine, she’s been unbelievably rude barely says hello, sits on her phone, looks miserable and makes zero effort. It’s embarrassing.

Recently we were invited on a abroad hen do for a girl Lucy brought into the group (who we weren’t massively close to, but thought it would be a nice excuse for the five of us to go away together). The new friend we aren't too fond of as she's made a few comments herself but we all agreed to go.

Out of nowhere, Lucy pulls out because she “can’t afford it" and she was forced into it by the brides mum offering to pay for her. She then admitted she doesn’t even like this friend and hopes she gets uninvited to the wedding and to top it off, the UK hen she was attending in place of the abroad hen, she's now bought harry styles tickets for the same day and won't be going to the UK hen either - when we pulled her up on this saying you just said you can't afford the abroad hen.... she said her parents paid for her ticket. She's 30 years old!

To make it worse, she messaged one of us saying she’s pulled out and we’ll have to cover what she owes but “oh well it’s only £13 😛”. The cheek of it left us speechless.

We’ve ended up rallying around the hen because we felt awful for this friend. Meanwhile Lucy continues to make excuses, play the victim and act like we’re the problem. She made a comment on one of the girls hair in the group saying it's a thin as paper and found it bloody hilarious. It wasn't.

We pulled her up on her behaviour, saying her attitude stinks, she left the group chat and she’s acting like she’s been wronged.

I honestly don’t know how we’ve put up with this behaviour for so long.

At what point do you stop excusing someone’s shit personality?

Now.

Today. Block.

The time to cut her loose was some time ago.

Should have done it 5 years ago when it started

Well about two years ago if not longer! I don’t understand how you can still consider this person a friend. She’s like the mean girl in high school. Don’t put up with her a minute longer.

She’s not a friend.
stop contacting her now.

What was it about her that made you want to be friends with her in the first place?

You sound like you don't think she has a single redeeming feature. So I wouldn't be friends with someone I felt that way about at all.

I've said YABU because you should have cut ties with her years ago.

The best time is about 5 years ago, the next best time is now

When you feel the need to post online and ask strangers.

Now.

Don't do what I did with my cousin and put up with 20 years of bad behaviour - standing me up every time I made a trip out to central London to meet up with her, kept me waiting alone at restaurants for hours while she changed her outfit at home 5 times, talked loudly through films at the cinema, and then told other people shushing her that it was me talking, borrowing clothes and losing them. You name it.

I ended up very resentful, and we haven't spoken now for 12 years. The final straw was when I almost died 12 years back and she didn't once call into the hospital, nor even ask my family how I was doing.

I probably would have done it after the first backhanded compliment (second if I really liked her). She sounds like a cow.

NOW. The point is now- its literally screaming at you in the face.

You are not obliged to remain friends with people who are rude, tight, selfish, disrespectful, flaky or otherwise generally unpleasant.

Cut her out now like the tumour she is.

Do it today.
I put up with a shitty " friend".
Snide comments on SM was her style.
Funnily enough it was only when she did it tonanother, very dear friend that I finally fucked her off- best decision ever.

Cut her out - she sounds like a liability.

But frankly you sound unkind about the hen too. Why go on a hen do for someone you‘re not fond of. It’ll make the hen think you want to be mates. Next time, just book a holiday with your mates and avoid all this drama.

You’ve written all that knowing and explaining how bad a friend she is, so what’s the point in going on further? Just do it now.

I had a family member who was my best friend of 45 years. I never found out what the issue or problem was but she tried to ghost me really. I tried hard not to let that happen and I tried for about 3 years to make things “right” and I couldn’t. So I just left it. Then for about 2 years after we had these weird sporadic text conversations, awfully short and polite. We’d long stopped supporting each other on social media, but she’d randomly comment or like my stuff and I do the same back after years of not doing it.

I no longer play this game, it’s just stupid. I don’t send any cards, I don’t acknowledge any birthdays or events, I don’t like or follow anything. I don’t even see it. I’ve unfollowed her without actually doing it, if that makes sense.And the peace I’ve found from that is amazing. I feel so free of a game I never ever wanted to happen or be a part of. Do it now and you’ll feel so much better.

Yesterday.

The best time was several years ago. The second-best time is today.

I'm assuming you're around the same age? What I can tell you is, if you were in your 40’s this wouldn't even be a post because she’d already be in the bin! Honestly, life really is too short to waste it on crap friends.

Short answer: when she no longer sparks joy.

I think now would be a good time to reflect on your own boundaries and what you are prepared to put up with in your life.

She's clearly unhappy about something in her own life, and until she fixed that she won't be any good to anyone.

Remove her from your feed, consider blocking.

It never ceases to amaze me how many people on Mumsnet don’t seem to understand that friends are supposed to be people you actually like.

Yes, that’s the single greatest mystery of Mn for me — that a significant number of posters have ‘friends’ they dislike intensely.

Yeah an illness will do it. 5 yrs ago I had cancer treatment and not once did my MIL ask how I was or offer to help. I don’t speak to or see her now - it was a red line.