Unwanted advice from pushy acquaintance, how to manage?

[TheTealShark]

I'm expecting my first child with my husband, and he has a close male friend who's married, they have a 5 year old son.

I have only met the wife around 4 times, prior to meeting her my husband admitted he wasn't a huge fan as she has a tendency to try and control things. I tried to take her as I saw her and give her the benefit of the doubt, but I'm now getting a good read on her.

As soon as we announced our pregnancy she messaged to congratulate me and said I could ask her if I needed advice, which I thought was nice.

However since then I've had almost daily messages from her with lists of baby names, prams she used, antenatal classes she attended, nurseries and so on.
Whilst im sure it isn't coming from a bad place, as I say I barely really know her and I haven't asked her for any of this. She works in a nursery so I understand she works with children but it's not the point.

I've politely replied each time saying thanks, we've already chosen xyz but I appreciate your help. It's odd and pushy, my husband said she's like this generally. Whenever I decline, she doesn't respond. I also found out she criticised a choice my husband and I made related to our pregnancy, but behind our back.
How do I deal with this? As I say if she were close to me it may be different, but I hardly know her.

‘Thanks Jan, I think we have everything covered but I’ll let you know if I have any questions later on.’

If she persists after that I’d leave her messages unread. Or a thumbs up if you want to be even more pointed.

Could you message to say given all the baby preparations and getting ready for mat leave, you’re not able to text back often? Then hit “mute” on the thread.

Mute.

I'd just give the thumbs up or say "Thanks" and that's it. You're clearly next on her list of people to control! She'll be all over you about breastfeeding and how the baby sleeps and eats, if you give her half a chance.

put her on mute and archive. If you want you can respond once a week with a thanks or thumbs up. You don’t have to engage with her so don’t.

Grey rock.

Give her as little information as possible. Don't tell her what you've chosen. Reply with a tumbs up, nothing more.

I've tried to politely message saying that if I do need help I'll ask her. I just hope she gets the hint, she has no right to be criticising our choices to her husband, she's allowed to have an opinion but most people have the sense to keep it to themselves.

If you keep replying what do you expect? Repliesmean we are interested.

I would absolutely be nipping this in the bud now or she will be a nightmare when you've had the baby.

"I appreciate you taking the time to share your preferences about our baby, however Husband and I have it covered and will ask if we need advice, thanks"

Then mute her.

It's flattering to be thought about, however DH and I enjoy doing our own research and coming to our own choices. If we feel we need any input, we'll ask.

Does it matter? Just ignore her. Or say "well actually we've already decided, Cnut for a boy or Fallopia for a girl" and then mute...

This definitely

Just ignore or give a passive aggressive thumbs up and leave it. Stop responding.

Just ignore the messages, don't reply, delete them! She's an acquaintance, her opinions are of no consequence to you, why do you care if she's criticised your choices?

This. These people will seize on any interaction as a green light to carry on. One short, polite but brisk response saying thank you but we're able to handle this on our own and please stop contacting us.

It up to you to decide to engage.

If you dont want to egage ignore the messages

If shse is ever rude enough to asked just say you dont (play message tennis) reply to messages which dont need a reply

What others have said …. Also just ensure you don’t tell her which nursery you’re using in case she takes a job there 😱

Why did her husband feel the need to share what she said to him?

I just feel like I can't ignore because she's my husband's friend's wife and I have to be around her sometimes. But I do see the point.

Don’t reply for several days and then do a thumbs up

You don't have to respond to make other people happy. Your DH and his friend will be fine, and she is annoying so...

god I love being a post menopause woman and not giving a shit anymore.

Ok well then don’t do anything and just be annoyed indefinitely. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Then when you have the baby you can be annoyed when she tells how to look after it.

god I love being a post menopause woman and not giving a shit anymore

See also, being in your 40s. I just don’t care.

You absolutely can ignore her messages. You have the right to choose your own friends, and choose not to be friends with people you don't like.

When you and DH are with his friend and her, be polite to her but a little distant, ensure the conversation takes place with all four of you, so you talk to DH and his friend just as much as you talk to her.
If you find that DH and his friend have conversations that end up excluding you and her, and thus expecting you and her to chat together while the men talk amongst themselves, then you say to DH next time a get together is proposed that you won't be coming, it is fine if he goes and sees his friend by himself.

I suspect that his friend wants these foursome get togethers to stop his wife complaining about him going out and leaving her. Maybe she doesn't have many friends of her own (because of her personality).
You are under no obligation to go along with it.

She can say what she likes to her own husband! The issue here is the husband relaying it to yours…

@BigFishLittleFishCardboardBoxesNot just me then, at 41 and floating through drama like 😌😌😌