Accepting infertility - where would you celebrate birthday?

[Pronkie]

DH and I have spent the last 7 years trying to conceive. We’ve gone to Oman, US, Harley St all in the hopes of a miracle. We have finally accepted it’s not meant to be and will be exploring adoption.

I know this will sound crazy. But I’ve got my 35th birthday coming up. And I genuinely don’t know how to spend it. Dh and I are on okay incomes (teacher and lawyer) but as you can imagine we have spent every last penny on fertility treatments. We literally stopped eating out, going to gigs, cinema trips etc. Looking back it was a mistake. Its meant we’re completely lacking in inspiration. It’s so how weird that part our brain is just gone. We socialise in our home with a meal/takeaway if pushing the boat out. Maybe a bottle of wine. Or a nice walk.

If you were in your 30s how would you celebrate a birthday weekend with a dog and a couple of friends (a few years younger)? I’m drawing a complete blank.

It has to be the UK (May) and self catering (easier with dog). Driveable from London.

So far I was thinking:

• Cornwall
• Peak District
• Brighton

Go to a landmark trust building. They are unique and pricey big help saving unusual buildings which wouldn't be part of the housing stock. We've stayed in a two bedroom castle and the tollbooth on the actual Ironbridge.
www.landmarktrust.org.uk/search-and-book/holiday-ideas/dogfriendly/

Brighton is awful! It's also not somewhere I'd take a dog. The other two are lovely.

If it's just for a few days, I'd consider Devon or Dorset before Cornwall purely because of the distance.

You've been through such a journey op, I think no wonder you're probably both feeling a bit drained and exhausted and wanting to be in your creature comforts.

Not wanting to pry but are you in debt or are you in a position to spend? Just thinking of what's realistic ideas wise!

What about a spa day with lunch? A trip to your local theatre and a pre-theatre dinner somewhere nice? A nice meal out with friends? A day trip somewhere you haven't been before or really love? A paint and sip or pottery class?

I do think people tend to do less for birthdays as you get older but I think you're right in that it's nice to mark it!

Cotswolds?

DH’s family are bang in the middle of The Cotswolds so it’s not a place we would would to go for a birthday weekend. I should’ve mentioned but thanks for the suggestion :)

We’ve also spent a lot of time in Devon (met at Exeter uni).

No debt just absolutely no savings. Well a couple of grand but that’s it.

We were hoping to make a weekend of it somewhere and treat friends who have just been spectacular - airport drop offs, dog sitting etc.

We’ve really not marked birthdays as all our money has gone on treatment.

Lyme Regis? haven’t been in donkeys

Bath spa, comedy club, nice hotel, walking, eating, drinking, escape room, theatre tickets etc cooking classes, salsa class, pottery class, board games nights

What about a throwback weekend to Exeter, to reminisce.

Can I throw Bath out there as a suggestion. Treat yourselves to chill out at the Thermae Bath Spa.ots of restaurant choices, bars, shopping, strolling and people watching.

Perfecto

Lyme Regis is lovely! Woolacombe in North Devon is lovely too - Brixham and Salcolmbe could also be good Devon spots. Lots of amazing places in Cornwall - I quite like Portleven as a base! St Ives is a favourite too even if it is crazy busy. I’ve only been to Brighton once but I liked it a lot!

Brighton wouldn't be a bad idea but in winter...I'd probably be more inclined to go to Spain or Portugal or Italy maybe? For like three or four nights? I would love to go back to Naples and Pompeii and the surrounding areas. Just budget flights and trains. Plenty of eating picnics from supermarkets and mostly either camping or budget hostel/hotel with maybe one night in a 4 star. And a couple of fancy restaurant meals. Plenty of bars, exploring random places.

Rye is a lovely weekend destination from London. lots of good food and drink options, a decent walk to the beach for exercise, charming shops to browse. Not too far either. In the same vein, Hastings (make sure to stay in the old town) or Margate. All three also have a gallery or castle to visit as well. If the weekend you choose ends up being glorious weather there may be too many London day trippers though, in which case you’re better off going to Dorset. Dorset also better if you want something with less people.

From your list I’d go for Peak District, it’s beautiful up there! Wildcard suggestion from me - Isle of Wight? If you think the dog can handle the boat crossing. That would be lovely in May.

I have been exactly in your position. Six years in my case of unsuccessful IVF, used my entire savings. I was about to reach 40 and with no savings left accepted it wasn’t meant for me, though now I’m 49 and I’ve still never really accepted it, if that makes sense. I took myself off to Thailand on my credit card for a couple of weeks to decompress and turn 40 in an elephant sanctuary. Then I adopted my dog, and he really truly helped to heal my soul.

OP has said that it needs to be appropriate for a dog as part of the requirements. And the birthday is in May not in winter.

I'm sorry for your struggles and I sympathise. DH and I TTC 12 yrs, no medical issues ever found and we lost 3 pregnancies.

TBH- I never gave celebrating a 35th much thought! I mean, its not a milestone birthday. Maybe in medical and fertility terms but not in any others.

I'd research places with dog friendly accommodation as a start and go from there. We also have a dog and my choices are based around if the dog can be in the bedroom and do I need to walk down multiple stairs to let it out to wee, or do we have a secure garden off the patio?

I'd look for a dog friendly hotel. Let someone else make dinner and deal with the dishes.

Preferably with a spa and lovely grounds to walk and enjoy.

its so hard. my husband and I didnt have children becasue of quite heartbreaking and unusual reasons becasue I dont know that there was a biological reason we couldn't. My DH wouldnt really engage with the issue and it caused me such sorrow, I would cry sometimes like when my SIL got pregnant and I dont think he could see what pain it was causing me. I had a lot of other stresses and ended up going into psychosis when I submitted my PhD. the toll it took on me was terrible - I needed him to be grieving with me.

Norfolk. Amazing beaches, lots of dog-friendly places. Just feels properly away.

Maybe Wales. Lots of options in south, west, mid or north Wales.

Seven years is such a long time to try. You must be exhausted xxx

I am 35 years old. My cousin H is 17 adopted from Thailand. My cousin P is 14 adopted from Vietnam. Z is 12 adopted from Mexico. They are all children of different aunts and uncles. They are so cherished and loved. You will be a great mum to an adopted kid. All the love from Ireland to you petal xxx

Bike & boot near Castleton might fit the bill. Very dog friendly, close to plenty of pubs/amazing walking, screens a film in the cinema room every night. Very easy place to be (but is more modern than cosy firesides mind you)

Having been on your journey you need to do something lovely for yourself. If you fancied a lodge with a hot tub have a look at darwin escapes.. very dog friendly. We stayed at one in the peak district last year and are going to one in Dorset this year.which also has a spa. Also available to book through hoseasons who sometimes have good offers. Hope you find something lovely x