Disagreement with my mum over Valentine’s Day

[Hollyagain]

This is obviously lighthearted but I’m interested to hear people’s thoughts.

So I was chatting with my mum and I was telling her how my son and his gf have made a big deal over Valentine’s Day. Lots of gifts and decorations and going out for the day. We were saying that it was sweet but I said that I think it’s all a bit daft and a waste of money. Valentine’s Day that is.

My mum went on to say that I would have been different when I was younger. I replied that I’d always thought Valentine’s Day was daft.

I can actually remember being sort of 18/19 and thinking how cheesy it seemed. I don’t mean just some chocolate/flowers and a card, but all the tat they sell in the shops.

Anyway, my mum insisted that it was because I hadn’t met the right person. This made me feel ever so slightly insulted because I’ve been married for 20 years. She then kept saying it’s because I hadn’t met the right person when I was younger.

I’ve only had two serious relationships. My first boyfriend who turned out to be vile, and then dh. But I can’t say that I’ve ever longed for a big romantic Valentine’s Day but my mum kept insisting that if I’d met the right person when I was younger then I would have.

I know this is so trivial but aibu to think that it is possible to not give a shit about Valentine’s Day regardless of anything?

I'm totally with you OP: I've always found Valentine's Day utterly cringeworthy and performative. Hate it: I hate it even more when I'm in a relationship than I do when I'm single. In my view its largely an excuse for people to display conspicuous consumption and to a lesser extent by guilt and that overzealous celebration of it tends to correlate with insecurity and bad relationships. DP and I (together seven years) never bother with it and I couldn't care less.

Each to their own and I understand that some people enjoy it and let them crack on. But your mum is being spiteful by implying that your dislike of it is related to your relationship history. I would be really pissed off it someone said that to me.

I do not know why mum is casting shade on your DH, but I also have never liked valentines day. It is a bunch of performative nonsense. I prefer my DH who does nice things and is thoughtful every day.

There’s no way of knowing how you would have been as a teenager if you had been with a different boyfriend at the time. You remember how you felt with the life you had but, it’s true, your feelings may have been different then had you had a different first love in your teens. And then again our mums can often think they know us differently, but maybe because we don’t always show our whole selves to them. Pointless spending time wondering about it.

But yes of course it’s possible not to give a shit about Valentines Day. Or about anything really .

I think people who are Anti Valentine's are joyless tbh

I’m assuming here that as OP has said she had a BF before her DH then her mum is talking about what may have been with a different first boyfriend, not dissing OP’s husband .

Nope, we are just joyful & romantic 365 days a year instead of 1 day a year.

I think if you were joyful you wouldn't need to be anti anything

I am with you, I couldn't give a toss about Valentines Day either , but each to their own..If someone wants to celebrate it, great, it's just not for me. It doesn't mean I don't love my husband, I very much do.

It is ridiculous for your mum to suggest this, what purpose does it serve, other than her to get into your head and possibly question things.

I’m anti only 1 day a year for romance. What’s not joyful is being miserable all year and only joyful for 1 day a year.

I met DH when I was 16, (now 47) and I can say I’ve never been arsed about Valentine’s Day, at all. It’s just commercialised crap.

I think it's up to the individual how they view Valentine's Day - no one's right, no one's wrong. DH and I (30 years together) do cards and flowers (him) and cards and a special dinner (me) - but I'd never suggest that anyone else was 'wrong' for not doing what we do. If you want to ignore it, fine. If you want to cover your house in tissue paper roses and hearts - also fine.

Well I've been happily married for 34 years this year and we have never celebrated Valentine's Day. We did actually go out for a meal this weekend but had DS with us as we were celebrating him passing his driving test so we probably looked a bit odd amongst all the couples and red roses! I wouldn't say I'm "anti" as I don't give a toss whether other people want to celebrate or not, but it's not a significant date for us. I don't think you can draw any conclusions from whether someone makes a big deal of the day or completely ignores it.

... Do you also refuse to celebrate your birthday because I'M HAPPY ALL THE TIME I AM

I’m not anti it. I just don’t care about it very much and I think some of the stuff for sale in the shops is very cheesy and tacky.

I’m definitely not opposed to being given a lovely box of chocolates.

I’m with you OP. It wouldn’t matter who I was with, I wouldn’t be interested in commercial valentines tat.

i think that’s my own taste& preferences rather than it being down to how I feel about the person I’m in a relationship with

Congratulations to your ds.

My birthday isn’t a romantic celebration. That’s a different sort of joy altogether.