DH never does anything nice for me..

[Teathreesugars]

I’ve been with DH for 8 years we have 3 kids. We generally have a good relationship. I’ve struggled with my mental health and other health conditions and he has always been there and supported me. I just had my 30th birthday got to the day and he planned nothing. I went and booked a little break away on the day of my birthday in the end. I had to cook dinner for us all on my birthday. Day before Valentine’s Day he asked me if I got him anything as he wants to check to make sure he’s not the odd one out. He got me a card and wrote the same message in it that he does for my birthday and every other occasion. Is it too much to just want to feel loved and spoilt for once?!

Do you do things for him?

When was the last time you took him out for pint to celebrate something he did or achieved?

Have you told him how it makes you feel?

You need to be clear about your expectations and that his lack of effort makes you feel unappreciated.

Was he thoughtful and romantic at the start of the relationship?

If he is always there for you and supports you surely he is showing on a daily basis he loves you and cares about you.

Has he changed or always been like this?
That is shitty about your 30th birthday and having to do everything yourself.
I think you need to tell him how you feel. You are not unreasonable to feel this way, you want to feel loved and special.

So it sounds like he’s a great partner generally. Do you spoil him on occasions?

Sounds like he does lots for you but just doesn't think material items are important. I would much prefer a partner like you describe then an absent/checked out one who buys you presents for the Instagram photos

Myself and DH don't make a big deal out of each others birthdays, anniversaries or Christmas. It's what happens on the other 360+ days that is important.

But, if it matters to you, then you need to speak up. He isn't psychic and if a big fuss on birthdays etc isn't natural to him, then you need to make it clear what you would like. But that's a two way street, you can't be wanting a fuss on your birthday if you don't reciprocate.

Jeez, these replies 🙄

No OP, YANBU to expect the person who is supposed to love you most in the world to make an effort on a milestone birthday.

But people do show love in different ways, so find a time to have a reasonable chat about it. You might need to spell it out a bit, but if it's important to you he should know about it

Does it? Where does it say he does lots for OP?

I’ve struggled with my mental health and other health conditions and he has always been there and supported me.
what does that look like, and how does
it affect him? What do you do for him?

I would talk to him. Not when you're upset.