Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Am I being reasonable

19 replies

Hersodivine · 15/02/2026 16:15

I have been with my husband 15 years and married almost 10 years. We had a crazy rocky Journey that consisted of cheating in the beginning and he got physical a couple times (drunk) We were in our early 20’s so I forgave him. We pushed passed this and I still had thoughts about it in the back of my mind, but I didn’t let it affect us. We got into the habit of drinking almost everyday and we became really close like best friends. Everything was great until it wasn’t! He started over doing it with the drinking and started not to eat. All he wanted to do is drink! It started affecting his health. He became super thin and I made him go to the doctor and they said he had a little cirrhosis of the liver. I became truly concerned! He still didn’t stop drinking and started to loose drive in everything! He started forgetting a lot and mind you he’s only 35 and we found out at 34. Everyone was concerned! He tried to stop, but he said it’s not that easy. Well since all of this I have been on my healing journey and I started seeing everything for what it was. I had my last straw when we were out at my sisters event and he’s just drunk stumbling embarrassing me! I went off! On top of that he developed this insane snore where it sounds like he’s gasping for air and I just felt one day he was going to stop breathing and he started talking in his sleep! I would literally wake up and he’s staring at me talking about things that made no sense and he would like push me in my sleep. I felt myself becoming so angry from lack of sleep!! I’m also in the nursing program so sleep is needed! I had no escape until one day I decided to buy a sofa bed and put it in our walk in closet! I felt the life come back in me! He gets so mad when I come in here and he says I gave up on him and that we don’t have sex anymore! It’s been almost 3 months! We have never went this long, but he turns me off!! We have 4 kids. I have two from a previous relationship and 2 by him and I feel at this point they are the only reason I stay because I know they will be crushed on top of feeling guilty that I want out during a time he’s suffering with an addiction and needs me!! Oh and on top of that this lady in the store that we always use to talk to came to me concerned. She said is everything okay with your husband? It looks like something is eating him from the inside out! He looks sick and said some other things. I wanted to throw up in the grocery store! I came to him and begged him to stop drinking for his kids and I cried myself to sleep! He came in drunk the next day! That’s when I cried out to God and asked for peace with the situation and it’s like now I want out!! Am I selfish and wrong for this?

OP posts:
BillyBand · 15/02/2026 16:19

Leave. Staying for the children just exposes them to this behaviour.

It’s difficult for an alcoholic to change, but you should still leave for your children’s sake and your own.

category12 · 15/02/2026 16:19

Actually you're not staying for the sake of the kids - growing up in this environment with an alcoholic parent is not in their best interests. You're not doing them any favours by letting this be their normal.

Coconutter24 · 15/02/2026 16:20

You’re not selfish or wrong for wanting out. If he won’t try to stop then you need to put yourself and children first

Patchworkquilts · 15/02/2026 16:22

you can’t change him. The only person that you have control over is you.
you need to do what is best for you and your kids.

BillieWiper · 15/02/2026 16:23

He sounds like he's having severe alcohol related symptoms and cirrhosis is irreversible. He could be having psychosis symptoms from too much drinking and malnutrition. He will indeed die from liver disease if he doesn't stop.

You should tell him you'll need him to go to rehab before you consider continuing the relationship.

Thepeopleversuswork · 15/02/2026 16:26

Why are you continuing to subject your children to this horrible environment?

Your husband is a serious alcoholic probably in late stage disease. Do you want them to witness him dying of liver cirrhosis or alcohol related disease?

You have an obligation to your children to remove them from this.

Do you work? Is there anywhere you can go short term?

CarrierbagsAndPJs · 15/02/2026 16:29

BillieWiper · 15/02/2026 16:23

He sounds like he's having severe alcohol related symptoms and cirrhosis is irreversible. He could be having psychosis symptoms from too much drinking and malnutrition. He will indeed die from liver disease if he doesn't stop.

You should tell him you'll need him to go to rehab before you consider continuing the relationship.

You beed to protect your children. And you do that by not exposing them to an angry alcoholic daily. So leave him. Divorce.

Have you now stopped drinking?

Hersodivine · 15/02/2026 17:20

Thank you for your response and you are right! I don’t work and I’m currently in nursing school I have a month and an half left and I don’t have anywhere to go! I’m currently living in my closet, but I have been working on my credit and I plan to get a job and find a place once I’m done.

OP posts:
Hersodivine · 15/02/2026 17:23

Thepeopleversuswork · 15/02/2026 16:26

Why are you continuing to subject your children to this horrible environment?

Your husband is a serious alcoholic probably in late stage disease. Do you want them to witness him dying of liver cirrhosis or alcohol related disease?

You have an obligation to your children to remove them from this.

Do you work? Is there anywhere you can go short term?

You are right! I’m not currently working because I’m in the nursing program, but I have a month and a half left, then I plan to start working and move out. I don’t have anywhere to go for now, but I am sleeping in my closet for now.

OP posts:
Hersodivine · 15/02/2026 17:27

CarrierbagsAndPJs · 15/02/2026 16:29

You beed to protect your children. And you do that by not exposing them to an angry alcoholic daily. So leave him. Divorce.

Have you now stopped drinking?

He’s not really angry anymore. He is trying to stop, but he keeps falling back into it and he claims he’s not drinking, but I can tell. He’s trying to eat more as well and he keeps telling me I’m giving up on him. I drink here and there, but not around him and I have never been as bad as he is with alcohol. Thank God!

OP posts:
Thepeopleversuswork · 15/02/2026 17:54

If you’re not working you should focus on finding a job. Can you speak to the council about getting rehoused? I have not had to do this personally and I am sure others will have better advice but I think you have a strong case.

It sounds horrendous.

Stade197 · 15/02/2026 18:03

Im sorry you're going through this, what a horrible situation to have to try and live in ❤️

You mention you're staying for the kids but I really think you need to leave for their sakes so they don't have to witness his behaviour and think it's normal and so they don't have to watch him wither away and die because that's how this ends if he doesn't get help

Ponoka7 · 15/02/2026 18:30

Are you in the US?
You've got to start concentrating on you, your future and your children. He is going nowhere, except to a early grave. It's good that you are making plans to be out of it.

NovemberMorn · 15/02/2026 18:54

Your husband is an addict, and he needs professional help. If he is unwilling to commit to helping himself, there is nothing you can do to help him.
I hope when you finish your nursing program, you manage to get yourself out of the position you are in now...for the sake of your children and for yourself.

It sounds horrible for you, try to be strong, and determined. I sincerely wish you the very best.

CarrierbagsAndPJs · 15/02/2026 19:02

Hersodivine · 15/02/2026 17:27

He’s not really angry anymore. He is trying to stop, but he keeps falling back into it and he claims he’s not drinking, but I can tell. He’s trying to eat more as well and he keeps telling me I’m giving up on him. I drink here and there, but not around him and I have never been as bad as he is with alcohol. Thank God!

You said you were both drinking every day so in your mind why was his drinking worse than yours at that point?

He would have left you if it was reversed. He wouldn't have even thought twice.

Hersodivine · 15/02/2026 21:26

CarrierbagsAndPJs · 15/02/2026 19:02

You said you were both drinking every day so in your mind why was his drinking worse than yours at that point?

He would have left you if it was reversed. He wouldn't have even thought twice.

Edited

His drinking was worse than mine in the beginning because he was an angry drunk and he would get out of control and I didn’t, but that was in the beginning. He became more chill just became sloppy! (Wobbling & stumbling) to where people noticed and unfortunately it started affecting his health! He didn’t know how to turn it off and I doubt he would have left me. I’m not perfect and have done some things, but he was very patient with me. That’s why I think a big part of me feels bad and I feel I’m not being resealable.

OP posts:
Hersodivine · 15/02/2026 21:27

NovemberMorn · 15/02/2026 18:54

Your husband is an addict, and he needs professional help. If he is unwilling to commit to helping himself, there is nothing you can do to help him.
I hope when you finish your nursing program, you manage to get yourself out of the position you are in now...for the sake of your children and for yourself.

It sounds horrible for you, try to be strong, and determined. I sincerely wish you the very best.

Thank you for your response and kind words.

OP posts:
Hersodivine · 15/02/2026 21:28

Yes I am and you are right. Thank you for your response.

OP posts:
Hersodivine · 15/02/2026 21:30

Thepeopleversuswork · 15/02/2026 17:54

If you’re not working you should focus on finding a job. Can you speak to the council about getting rehoused? I have not had to do this personally and I am sure others will have better advice but I think you have a strong case.

It sounds horrendous.

I will look into that. I’m not sure how that works, but thank you.

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page