So worried about almost 3yo DS

[happybirthdayjism]

Hey,

Didn’t get much of a response on the other boards so trying here.

my DS is three at the beginning or March but he seems really delayed I’m starting to get so worried. He has two older sisters who are 10 and 7.

He started preschool in the September and staff there can see my concerns so have some extra support for him. He has also started private speech therapy sessions recently but it’s too soon to see any difference yet.

These are my concerns:

He has lots of words (100s) and a few short 2/3 word sentences. Anything else he says are quotes or phrases like “big fast car” or “lovely day”. There what he’s heard from me or Paw Patrol

He never answers a question or engages
in conversation. He will occasionally say no in response to something he really doesn’t want to do bedtime, nappy change etc

He sometimes responds to his name but not always

He sometimes follows basic instructions but some days not at all

He doesn’t mind being around other kids but doesn’t seek interaction at all. He does at home with us

He has good eye contact when he wants to but not always if prompted

He sometimes stops saying certain words or phrases

He has never really pointed or waved. Sometimes looks if I point but not always

He can count to 10 if he wants to (won’t if I ask him to). He has no concept of colours, shapes or letters

He doesn’t really take part in imaginative play

It doesn’t feel normal at this age. My older two were having full on conversations at this age.

He doesn’t do these things

Flap his hands (maybe seen him do it a few times)

Never seen him walk on tip toes

He occasionally spin (few times a week max)

Doesn’t really have meltdowns or tantrums

Doesn’t get stressed in loud or new places

Not that bothered about routine

Doesn’t order or line things up

Has anyone else experience of this kind of development/behaviour?

We have been referred by the GP for an appointment with a paediatrician but have been warned of up to a 3 year wait.

I’m worried about what to do in the meantime. He starts school next September which means we’ll have to apply this November. I’m concerned mainstream won’t be for him.

I have no idea whether this is autism, a learning delay or something else.

Thanks for reading and sorry it was so long!

He’s actually started saying all sorts of new things today (all phrases still). Some days he seems to be really trying hard to talk and others it feels like he doesn’t see the need at all

I honestly wouldn't worry too much. My eldest son was very much the same. He had speech therapy at 3 due to him not speaking much at all or clearly, he also didn't respond to his name much, he wasn't very affectionate, was a very picky eater etc. I did notice he was different after I had my other two kids as they developed more 'normally'. But I was very young when I had him (20) so we kind of just accepted that was how he was. He sailed through school fine really, never really had any issues with him. It's only now he's 19 at university and struggling a bit socially that I'm realising he's probably autistic. He's had a couple of 'meltdowns' whilst being there and I notice other traits a lot more now (he's very direct and fixed in his thinking and communication). But he's actually a lovely person and I can't say it hinders him too much, I'm not sure if he realises it himself but he seems generally happy most of the time. So what I'm saying is if it's a mild case like my son I don't think it needs labelling really, keep an eye on it and if it starts to affect him at school or anything then maybe look into support but just wanted to say it's not always something to worry about

@Pennyroses Thanks so much. Your son sounds lovely and most importantly happy most of the time.

The thing I stuggle with the most is what will his future be like. Will he feel different. I worry he won’t be able to have a job, house, relationships etc. I know I’m jumping ahead a lot there but I don’t seem to be able to stop it! It’s the not knowing 😕

I do need to remember he is progressing every day even if it is slower than his friends.

Another concern is learning. Not yet knowing colours, shapes or the alphabet etc. He can count to 10 but that’s all. Should I be concerned about that?

@happybirthdayjism I can only give you my son's experience and yours may be different I dont know, but he never struggled with friends or anything, always had a small close friend group. One thing though, he's never shown any interest in girls, I don't know if that means he's gay or he's just not bothered about a relationship, he's very independent and likes to be alone a lot. Which of course I worry about as he also has dyspraxia and is sooo clumsy so him living alone at uni worries me to death! 😂 But he is managing ok, of course I worry so much as he's quite sensitive and vulnerable but you wouldn't necessarily know this looking at him. Kids are so adaptable and I'm sure your son will do just fine, all you can do is watch and monitor it. At least you realise this now, I had no idea and feel terrible about that but at the same time it allowed him to develop and adapt in is own way and that seems to be working for him.
On the learning front, my son didn't know any of that really until he started school and he was never behind or anything, I wouldn't say he excelled but he didn't fall behind and passed his GCSEs fine, went to college and now he's studying law at university!

Some 2 year olds have outgrown Visual Reinforcement Audiometry (distraction test) so they do need to understand how to do Cooperative Play Audiometry. There's often a few months where they've outgrown VRA but can't do CPA reliably enough to get a definite audiogram.

OP - before you go for the test, see if you can teach him how to play Ready, steady, go games or listen for a bell before racing/jumping or whatever.

As far as school is concerned, it sounds as though your child would be fine in a mainstream school. If other concerns emerge, there are lots of steps to get an EHCP or look at special schools so don't worry about that now.

@Pennyroses Maybe he just isn’t interested yet with girls and that will develop a bit later on.

I can imagine it’s a worry with him being away. Sounds like you’re brilliant at reading him!

So easy to blame ourselves isn’t it? I worry that I should have noticed DC3 was delayed sooner and that missed it because I was busy with the older two. Either way I’d have blamed myself!

You sound like a great mum and you’ve really reassured me!

Thanks @AmplePlayer Thanks, that’s interesting. I’ll try and practice before him.

I need to try not to think about schools too much. Having a few friends that are teachers they keep trying to reassure me there’s no way he’ll go to a special school as he’s progressing even if a little behind.