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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Male “friend” exhibiting red flags

40 replies

showmedominance · 14/02/2026 23:06

Not sure if I am overthinking this or if my gut was screaming at me for a reason.
Went out last night with a male friend I have known for a while. He has always been a bit flirty, lots of compliments, innuendos, that sort of thing. I have told him more than once I am not interested and to tone it down. He says he understands but then it creeps back in.
We had a couple of drinks and went outside to smoke. He kept insisting I finish the whole roll up. I said no a few times and he laughed it off and kept pushing. Something about that moment made me feel uneasy.
We went back inside and I suddenly felt very high, throat tight, vulnerable. It was just us two. For the first time ever around him I felt slightly scared. Not because he did anything overt, just a shift in energy. I felt like I needed to be on guard.
He went to the toilet and I grabbed my coat and left. I did not even think, I just left and ran. I have never done that before.
He later messaged saying he was worried when he came back and I was gone.
For context he has previously told me he does not want to be friends, he wants to sleep with me and wants me to be obsessed with him. He also gets angry when I mention seeing other men.
Maybe nothing would have happened. But my body told me to go and I listened.
AIBU or did I dodge something there?
at this moment in time I no longer want him in my life.

OP posts:
Ohwowlookatyounow · 15/02/2026 20:22

Well he sounds like a creep and you should trust your instincts.
The way you felt last night sounds like the weed scaries/ paranoia

Luxlumos · 15/02/2026 20:29

It sounds like you need to firm up your boundaries. I’m guessing that in your slightly altered state from the weed, you were able for a moment to turn off whatever thoughts were blocking you from both reading the situation clearly and asserting yourself properly.

It’s worth trying to work out what those thoughts are - something it’s we learned as children.

I’m very intolerant of men who push boundaries as a rule. Ime they are always bad news.

Hopefulsalmon · 15/02/2026 20:35

Never see him again.

ACatAsleepInYourHat · 15/02/2026 20:44

"For context he has previously told me he does not want to be friends, he wants to sleep with me and wants me to be obsessed with him. He also gets angry when I mention seeing other men."

Jesus Christ, OP, a whole string of red bunting right there. Don't see him again, or at the very least don't get drunk and/or stoned around him. He's made his intentions perfectly clear, and they're far from honourable. Just the "wants me to be obsessed with him" brings me out in a cold sweat.

blooooooor · 15/02/2026 21:05

Better safe than sorry !!!!

namechangetheworld · 15/02/2026 21:08

For context he has previously told me he does not want to be friends, he wants to sleep with me and wants me to be obsessed with him. He also gets angry when I mention seeing other men.

Why on earth are you spending time with this man? And kissing him?

He's made it very clear what he wants from the relationship. It's you that appears to be blurring the boundaries.

Merryoldgoat · 15/02/2026 21:08

Why are you spending time with him as friends when he doesn’t want to be your friend?

He’s clearly a predator but I don’t understand why you’d spend any time with him at all.

itsneverdullinull · 15/02/2026 21:11

He’s not your friend.

Justthethingsthatyoudointhisgarden · 15/02/2026 21:16

👆What they said. He never saw you as a friend. In his mind you were the next woman he wanted to control.

Be careful. I know you've blocked him but if he does show up around your work, tell him you will get the police involved. I suppose it's too late to see if the weed was contaminated.

Toohardtofindaproperusername · 15/02/2026 21:18

Hea told you and shown you exactly who he is. He is not a friend, he wants to control you. Dangerous man to be near. Stop playing with fire

ChaToilLeam · 15/02/2026 21:19

You were right to get away from him. Given his past behaviour, this was always going to be on the cards. Keep him blocked, be careful on your way home from work and never see him again!

Flannelfeet · 15/02/2026 21:32

You done the right thing. This guy is not your friend. Please, for your own safety keep away from him. I really hope you are ok. ❤️

FryingPam · 15/02/2026 21:36

You can’t pursue a friendship with a man who fancies you, and even less so after a kiss. He will always look for more and it will be uncomfortable at best, unsafe at worst.

PeppasLostRedWellie · 15/02/2026 21:46

YABU to keep this man around as a “”friend”” for so long, he doesn’t want to be maters. The red flags were blaring and he sounds possessive over you. Do not look back. I hope he doesn’t know your address either?

showmedominance · 16/02/2026 23:45

I’ve got rid of him, have blocked him. I’m at work next week, really hope he doesn’t decide to visit me.

to clear a few things up, I kissed him before he told me he wanted something more with me. Since he told me I’ve made sure to tell him I only see him as a friend and nothing more.
I think him getting angry with me everytime I told him I slept with another guy made me kind of realise he’s not being the friend I thought he was.

he definitely didnt spike the weed, im just a lightweight. This time around after smoking it I felt anxious and worried and just knew I had to get away from him. I have no intention of unblocking him.

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