Violent in my sleep…

[Minnierose11]

Wasn’t really sure in which section to post this, as it’s a bit of a unusual one…

I share a bed with my DH, married 5 years, together 10. We have an happy, loving relationship and are also one another best friends.

Over the last couple of years, on a handful of occasions. The morning after sleep, he’s told me that I’ve woke him up in the night by slapping him in the face..but I have ZERO memory of it.
When he’s woken up to me doing it, he’s often had a brief conversation with me.
For example, he’ll wake startled and say ‘ow babe you’re slapping me in the face!’ to which I’ll almost instantly respond, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean too but sounding completely coherent and with it.

At first, we thought maybe I was just moving around in my sleep alot and my arm extended and accidentally fell onto his face. But, it happened a couple more times since then and then there was an occasion where I was doing it repeatedly, as in slap after slap, but quite lightly, on his cheek.
When he woke and said something to me, I replied’ I’m sorry I thought it was ” (our DS name) to which we assume in my dream, I was burping him (he was a baby at that point) but was infact acting it out on my DH face.

Again…. I remember nothing of it the next morning. And again! today, he said I did it last night and that again he spoke to me after and I remember none of it.

thankfully, he does laugh about it when he tells me about it, of course he knows I'm not intentionally trying to slap him about in his sleep!

But WHY is this happening?? It seems to bizzare that I seem to be carrying out this act, on several occasions now, and Everytime, it’s slapping of the face. It’s never anywhere else on the body… and that he will react in the moment by saying something and I’ll instantly reply but have zero memory of it at all the following morning.

no previous history of sleep walking but Have been known once or twice to laugh aloud in my sleep.
Not an aggressive person and I’ve no history of abuse or trauma.

I’ve thought about going to a GP about it. But I think they’ll honestly just look at me like ‘what the hell is this women talking about’ and think I’m abit crazy.

has anyone experienced anything similar?? Or know why this could be happening.. would really like to be able to stop it as I do feel awful about it.

Are you sure he’s telling the truth? It seems very odd.

would you consider videoing you both in bed, to see if you can catch it?

Sounds like REM sleep disorder

How old are you?

Taking any medications (especially psych ones like antidepressants)?

Very reasonable to see a GP.

@thetinsoldieryeah, I genuinely believe him. I see no reason why he’s choose to lie about it.

And I am on a low dose anti depressant @ImmortalJillyCooperbut I’ve been on the same one for many many years, previously on a much higher dose, this is more of a maintenance dose. And I’m in my 30’s.

It’s not at all unusual for people to lash out in their sleep. It’s all part of the same disorder as talking in your sleep, sleepwalking, jumping out of bed in terror, thrashing about during a nightmare etc.

My DP often rocks vigorously from side to side (like a tortoise if it's on its back and trying to turn over). He also sings and talks in his sleep - he talks nonsense, but in a quite reasonable manner. In the morning, he has no recollection of this when I tell him what he's done or said. It's just how he is and it's quite entertaining sometimes.

Interesting that you say you're on antidepressants - he has been taking these for years too.

Get a camera for your bedroom and see if you can catch a recording of it happening.
Any time it happens, make a diary of what you ate that day, any stresses, what you’ve done throughout the day etc and see if there’s a pattern.

I sleep talk, sleep walk, have night terrors and sleep paralysis and have found throughout the years that the more stressed or overtired I am, the worse it gets. Maybe there’s a trigger for you that you’re unaware of.

Between me and my DH we do all of these things! I talk, he walks, he ‘hits’ and I sit bolt up right gasping for air. For me the worst one is waking up sobbing, almost hysterically, in my sleep but as soon as I’m awake I don’t know why.

Didn't even consider that it could be a condition, it’s just how it’s always been.

I do this kind of thing, always have. If I’m super stressed/tired/anxious I act out anxiety dreams. Mostly involving giant wasps, and so I try to smother them with the duvet. Yeah, you can imagine the conversations I’ve had to have

My ex used to do this but pinching my stomach.

I remember the very time it happened I shouted at him, he was very apologetic and recalled a dream where he was pulling someone back by the back of their t-shirt, and obviously had his hand on my tummy at the time.

Another time it was he was gripping a bolt with his fingers under a tap in his dream.

Those were the only 2 times it actually hurt though. Left a bruise but it maybe happened 30 times in total but none of them caused me any bruising like the memorable 2!

Oddly enough it stopped when he started getting cramp in his legs in the middle of the night. He was always a super deep sleeper until then.

You're acting out in your dreams, can't tell you why, just that your not the only one!

Sure, but op has said she doesn’t do any of these things. Why would she start now?

How long after you fall asleep does this happen? My dc and I have all done various sleep-disturbance behaviours over the years, and they almost invariably happen 1.5-2h after falling asleep. Once we’d outgrown doing them regularly, they would come in phases. Nothing for years, then suddenly frequent night-time behaviours for a few weeks, then nothing again. Sometimes they are clearly related to life stressors, sometimes there’s absolutely no apparent trigger for them.

If the behaviours come at a regular time, you can often prevent them by slightly rousing the sleeper just before they happen.

Because sleeping patterns change? Anyone can go through phases of sleeping differently. There are dozens of things that can change the way people sleep or that can trigger different things to happen in someone’s sleep. It’s not unusual at all.

What the OP is describing is not implausible at all. It’s really common for people to do these things in their sleep from time to time.

I have non-REM parasomnia which means I do all sorts of things in my sleep normally about an hour or two into the night. I’ve never been violent but I have managed to injure myself, once hit my head so bad I needed stitches! The specialists I saw said that my main trigger was sleep deprivation which is why it got particularly bad when my kids were babies. The eventual prescribed treatment was to take melatonin pills and go to bed earlier (before 10.30pm) each night. It worked. Was on the melatonin for 3 years, now trying to wean myself off, and it helps that the kids are now older so I sleep better anyway!

This makes so much sense - as it’s most certainly intensified in the last year and a half since having DS. And I’ve never felt so tired! Were the melatonin pills prescribed? Or is this something you can buy over the counter. I’m usually in bed by 10pm although rarely asleep by the time (takes me a little while to switch the brain off and drift off). X

Same. I don’t do it often, maybe 4-5 times a year.

I find that audiobooks really help me to switch off and fall asleep. They have to be read in a calm, unexciting voice, and be calm, unexciting books - preferably something I already know well so that I don’t say awake from FOMO.