Card from ex

[InAMess92]

Not really sure if IABU reasonable here and what to do about it.

For the past week I have been asking my partner (of a year) if he was free today so we could make some plans for valentine's day and he pretty much ignored the question each time until last night when he said he was having his kids so his ex could go out, so I havent bothered with anything. Thankfully he hasnt got me a card or anything either which isnt an issue. However they came this morning with a bag of valentines stuff for my bf and inside the bag was a card from his ex aswell. I am quite hurt but dont really know how to feel about all this so have just left after he kept saying it wasnt a big deal and its not like I got him anything anyways.

To not drip feed, we have recently been going through a rocky patch and trust has dwindled. He has always communicated with his ex about the kids via email, recently this has shifted to texts which have been deleted and phone calls which I have only just found out about. They were over for a year before we got together (she left him for someone else which he appeared to hold alot of resentment about when i met him) and I understand they need to communicate about their children but I cant help thinking is going on here.

His kids came with a bag of valentines stuff for their dad? With a card from the ex ? That’s fucking weird. YANBU at all… bin him!

Very strange. I’d bin him. It won’t get any better.

"For the past week I have been asking my partner (of a year) if he was free today so we could make some plans for valentine's day and he pretty much ignored the question each time "

Just this repeated ignoring would be enough for me to walk.

A year, and it’s as depressing, and as low-effort as this?

Set your bar higher.

No thats just weird. I could understand a small token gift and a card from the kids but not heaps of gifts and a card from the ex. Did he get her stuff and a card from himself too? I would be inclined to believe something is going on.

I agree with PP. Bin him and move on.

At only one year of dating you are very much in the honeymoon period and just starting to know each other. It's already rocky, he's not particularly interested and you don't trust him.

Dump him and enjoy life.

After a year, his answer should be ' no, sorry i have the kids this weekend but lets go out to a special restaurant for a lovely romantic meal on Friday/Sunday instead.

Yes, his kids come first but he should also make a similar effort for you the rest of the time.

Throw him back and set your standards higher the next time.

Was it the kids who wanted to make a fuss?

it all sounds a bit like too mucb hard work. I couldn’t be bothered with someone who wanted to know the ins and outs of my contact with my EX, and equally, I couldn’t be bothered if someone was ignoring me and not wanting to make plans.

as a PP said, raise your bar.

I dont know if he bought stuff back for her and he said hasnt but i dont know whether to believe him as it all seems odd. There was a handover i heard about parents evening that happened in the week which was off too because he had previously told me she unblocked his number to tell him about this on the night it happened so i dont know why it would need repeating and he did follow her outside as she was leaving and closed the door.

I have never heard of children buying valentines gifts for their parents before and it was a gift bag filled with stuff like chocolates and toiletries but do believe this as their was a daddy valentine card he put up on his window sill. Bf went to some effort to hide the card, I wouldnt have known anything about it if his eldest child hadnt of said "dont forget your other card" and when I went to look it was hidden inside a box of chocolates.

I'm not a paranoid person in general but something just isnt adding up about it all.

Sounds like they’re heading towards reconciling.

Even if they aren’t, you deserve much better treatment than this. Move on!

Trust your instincts, they’re on their way to getting back together. Don’t put up with this you’re worth more.

Raise your standards. This isn't the man for you, not least because it sounds like he's trying to get back with his ex. End it now, on your terms, with your head high.

Also just to add, ive never asked much about his ex except in the beginning when he seemed overly resentful as I wanted to make sure he was actually fully over the relationship. He always offers this information up, but recently there has been incididents which contradict themselves.

Sorry to be so blunt OP, but your relationship is going nowhere. You've only been together a year and already "we have recently been going through a rocky patch and trust has dwindled". And he's spent all of the last week ignoring a perfectly reasonable question.

Ditch him now.

You met him a year ago and are already living together with his kids part time? Now he’s stoped making any effort and doesn’t care about your feelings.
Perfect example of moving in far too quickly before you actually know each other and the consequences of that decision making.
It won’t get any better. You decide if you want to live like this.

This.

Do this for yourself.
You are being used by him.
Stop wasting your time.
Find your self respect, ditch him and move on.

Believe you deserve better.

Whilst I don't really get valentine's as a kids thing, clearly from here lots of people do and ds came home from school with a handmade card and little cardboard heart thing with feathers stuck all over it that he'd made for me. So even schools are doing it now, but the secret card from the ex is too far. What does it say?

Kids do go mad for valentine's these days. It's all the rage. That part sounds fine tbh. He sounds as if he is feeling tempted by a reconciliation with his ex and the feeling is reciprocated. Don't allow yourself to be caught in the middle of somebody else's romantic drama.