Will I regret being alone when I’m older?

[Is103]

I have a lovely ds, he’s 4.

I have had a shit time with men pretty much since when I began dating in my late teens! Never found it difficult to go on dates and always had a nice time, had a few relationships but when the chips were down I’ve been hurt and let down.

In the last year or so (I was single before I had Ds as ex left me when I was pregnant), I have realised I just don’t care about a relationship enough to find one. I’ve chatted to a few people online and it’s fine, there’s nice men I could eventually meet someone on there I reckon. But I’m so empty in terms of what I will
ever give to a man again. I just don’t care enough about it.

My friends tell me I will regret this when ds has left home. When i’m older. Will I?

Not being in a sexual relationship doesn’t equal being alone.

If I were to divorce or become a widow I'd not bother again - mum to a similar age DS. I have friends and family.

Nothing to stop you changing your mind about finding a romantic relationship once DC is older.

you can’t be that old with a DS of 4, and I think if I were single with young DC (I have young DC) I’d not bother either (if I divorced or widowed). No way could I be arsed with the dating life or any form of dating. Saying that, if someone just sort of organically turned up then I’d not say no but I wouldn’t actively look if you know what I mean. Also, I personally don’t think you’ll regret being alone if you have a fulfilling life / interests and are content with your own company.

Nobody can answer that for you. Only time will tell.

But I am single, my children are in their late 20s and living their own lives in their own homes. And I'm as happy as I've ever been. I've got great friends, as much of a social life as I could ever wish for and have no need or space for a partner.

How old are you?

I’m sure there’s still time and that might change your mind 🙂

Exactly this. Some of my least ‘alone’ friends are single in their fifties and sixties.

Plus, the OP is not taking a binding vow of lifelong celibacy. She can change her mind at any point.

I had my ds very young. Split before he was born and no contact at all. I met my now DH when my son was 4yrs, we were friends, within a larger group, for 2 yrs and then got together (my ds was 6) . Been together 31yrs this yr.
I definitely wasn't looking, had so much to deal with, uni, working, my ds, but he was just round the corner!

Of course you won't. There are plenty of ways to lead a full and happy life. A bloke is not necessarily one of them.

Being with the wrong person is worse than being alone. I’ve been there. Nothing sinister, just very incompatible. Why not just carry on enjoying single life but be open to the possibility if the right person happens to come along? I’m not sure making it a ‘mission’ to find someone makes it more likely to happen in any case.

This.

Not clear which way your AIBU is, so haven't voted, but I would certainly be sad to be alone, but I wouldn't necessarily be sad not to have a sexual partner.

Plus, as others have said, things change as your life evolves. Your feelings / desires etc change, the amount of time you have for yourself changes. You might find that you meet someone when you aren't looking and surprise yourself with how you feel about the prospect of a relationship at that point.

I think if you’re worried about being alone in the future, get better friends.

The fastest growing group of single people by choice are women over 50 so rather than be worried about being on your own when you’re older, embrace it - you’ll be in good company

There’s plenty of time to find someone when you feel ready. I’d enjoy feeling this way for now and building your own happy life, and someone will likely pop up in due course - someone less likely to break your heart than if you’d been anxiously searching for them because you were afraid of being alone.

Well, if you are lonely when ds has left home, you can start dating then, if you want to.