to expect love again as divorcee with baby at 42?

[Pinkpanther23]

I’m leaving my emotionally abusive husband.

Even the thought of trusting another man ever again right now feels like an impossibility.

I have no money, so much trauma to overcome and will have my young kids as the focus for many years ahead.

But I don’t want to grow old on my own, I want to feel cherished again and have another chance at love.

Please can anyone share positive stories of rebuilding from the ashes with young kids and eventually finding someone?

I feel so low.

In the kindest way, you haven't left your husband yet. Yes I know it's a huge step, I've been there. My DC was older but still at school. I've always been in a relationship so it seemed very frightening to be on my own. So I did try OLD (on-line-dating) and had a lot of fun I won't deny but nothing really serious. In the end I had to give my head a wobble and vowed off men completely. Then someone turned up when I wasn't expecting it but I was in the right place, finally.
So, don't be in a rush. Get over the trauma of your relationship, find yourself again. Only once you're in a better place, body, mind, financially, etc - can you make sensible choices with relationships. Put your DC first for now, the rest will follow in good time.

I’d agree not to be worried about the growing old with someone, get happy with being with you and your child. Look after yourself, get back to being you, and be there for your child. The other will come naturally someday, but when your child is older. Best of luck op

I wrote a similar post when I had a four month old baby
I have had a relationship since which was fun (great in bed but turned out quite a needy and not particularly interesting guy) now I’ve been celebafe for for a year and I’m not happy about that per se, but im
happy in general if that makes sense and just don’t think about dating and men that often I’m just enjoying the company of my son while he’s little.

Respectfully, if someone produced a crystal ball and foretold that you would definitely never be in another longterm relationship, would that change your intention to leave your husband? I’m assuming not, in which case, crack on with what needs doing now, and leave yourself time to recover and be single.

Ps my friend has three kids and is the main parent and managed to find a decent man randomly on a dating app so there’s hope’

I think you need to focus on your own emotional well-being and rebuilt that on your own first, and then when you are feeling good you will be able to find the right person in time but for now your focus needs to be on you and your baby.

This is the person to listen too!

Honestly, when you realise how happy you are one day once the dust has settled, you won’t even be arsed about finding another man.
You’ll just feel free and happy in your life, that’s what you have to look forward to 💛

When my 20 year relationship and marriage came to an end with my ex 4 years ago I initially felt a need to get back out there dating I had 3 very young children. Very quickly I realised that I didn’t need to be in a relationship to feel fulfilled - it wouldn’t give me anything that was actually genuinely missing from my life. Im a similar age to you now and I do feel moments of sadness that I don’t have my person and being alone forever is a daunting prospect but I’ve also realised how much choosier I’m going to be next time and how much my standards have gone up that it would have to be a very special man who met them. Maybe when the time is right someone will walk into my life unexpectedly - going out there deliberately seeking someone on OLD isn’t for me though - I think it’s a cesspit of men who are left and unlike the women who are OLD they are single for a reason relating to their personality rather than circumstance

I met someone after leaving my husband. I was 44 and met him on a dating app and I also have a 9 year old child with special needs. We have been together a year and he treats me so well and is emotionally availabile, consistent , always complimenting me and the sex is amazing! It's probably the best relationship I've ever had. You definitely can meet someone else and fall in love again.