AIBU to crave some romance at 40 post-divorce but feel like dating is only for young things?

[GenevieveGoose]

Just turned 40, divorced almost 2 years. First year was awful, but I’m slowly feeling better. Now I’m craving proper company , someone to talk to, laugh with, cuddle maybe.
But I’ve no clue how to start dating again. Never used apps, they seem for young girls. I’m naturally shy, work full-time (hectic), and have one school-age child. Don’t want to mess up our routine.
Ladies who’ve been here — how did you do it? Apps? Friends? Other ways? Any gentle advice welcome. Feeling excited but totally out of my depth xx

Get on the apps ...then get ready to decide on a dog instead 🤣😭

You're only 40 You've a lot of living to do yet.
Good luck in your quest in finding Mr.Right.👍😁

I was in my early 50s and used dating apps, so you're a spring chicken!

I went on the dating apps at 45 and had a great time.. definitely not just for young’uns :)

I met my DH at 39 through an introduction agency. This was before online dating was even a thing though. It had quite a high fee to join which I felt would mean that it would deter anyone just looking for a hook up, and every one had to go in fur an interview. It still exist but seem to have more of a matchmaker deal now (they had this service Begues but only a small part of it). Anyway it’s a more targeted than online dating.

I went on Tinder at 45 - had a great time chatting to people and some fab dates. I did have a relationship with one of them but it didn’t work out - was lots of fun whilst it lasted though!

It's nice to know so many people found their partner and date online. Maybe I'm still old-fashioned 'cause I met my ex at work. Honestly, meeting a total stranger from online really scares me. But it's encouraging that I might actually meet someone that way

I'm similar age and set up to you lhave been single a tad longer) and am online dating. There are people of all ages on there so it's not just for young ones. Just be wise, learn from experiences and toughen yourself as it can be quite brutal.
The reality is that if you want to find someone then you have to put yourself out there. Whether that is on app, taking up hobbies or just being open to possibility with people you meet.
People do still find their person on aps, but you have to just take everything in your stride. I'm 2 years in and still putting myself out there. I'd say I've had fun in general but I've met and spoken to some horrors that can only be seen as great fodder for friends as if you don't laugh about it, you'd cry.

I found a partner after three weeks using a dating app-I’m in my mid-fifties. My previous partner died, and I chose to remain single for 8 years-which was probably too long. We have been seeing each other for five months. I went on four dates. They were all nice guys. I think I was very lucky.

Apps are fun (at least til you get jaded! 😂) and definitely not just for the kids. You put your desired age range in. Just go into it with your eyes open and dont expect miracles ,just expect a bit of fun and you'll be fine. Although I met my last boyfriend on there and subsequently my now husband, so 2 relationships and a fair few fun dates as well 😁

I agree with PP. A dog is a far more valuable option.

I was 43 when I split up with my exH, and I went on the apps. It was...interesting! I was lucky though, and fell into one good fun relationship with someone at work, who basically "re-set" me, and then a work colleague set me up with another colleague. We got married last year.

My two best friends put me on a dating app a year after my divorce I was 43 with a 4 year old . I woke up to an inbox full of emails mostly mostly men in their sixties with a “ hi gorgeous “ but one man had written a personalised message asking about my interests so I felt I had to reply . We’ve been together 10 years this year

after a divorce with x2 7 year olds I met my now partner when he came to install a new bathroom. We were friends for 5 years before we got together and now we have been together 5 years. The apps (before I met him) helped me understand what I was looking for. But it’s also really nice to meet someone IRL. I’d just say don’t give up on love and be open to meeting someone who might not be your obvious match or “type”. As I’ve got older (now 47) I understand that kindness and fantastic conversation and cuddles etc is the key (to me at least) rather than necessarily matching with someone who has a similar life story, achievements or background.
Good luck! 🤞

You're 40, not 80! Get on the apps, they aren't just for young people.

They’re not just for young people but keep your expectations very low 🤣, and also be prepared that most men on them seem to think they’re entitled to a gf 10/20 years younger than them. So you’ll probably get a lot of interest from men in their 50s and older.

Personally I never had any real luck on them (in my 30s). Met a few guys who seemed great but soon turned out to be anything but. My current and last relationship were with people I met by chance less than a mile from my house, and offline. IMO real life tends to work out much better than online, but give it a try.

Depends on what you are after. There’s a lot of sex out there in your 40s and it’s better than in earlier days. Relationships may be more challenging.

Personally wouldn’t do apps as they encourage the commodification of people - you can see it in the actions of habitual users - and also, if you don’t have any common friends with someone, it’s difficult for you to find out who they really are.

I personally don’t do apps and meet lots of guys IRL. A few every week if I decide to leave the house and do something. Also be prepared for men younger than you being interested.

Men our age are in their ‘oh god I’m about become an old person, I need to make the most of my 40s’ stage and therefore more open to meeting women than perhaps any other age other than their 20s.

What I’m hearing is that younger people have been off the apps for a while as they can see how unhealthy it is and they’re a bit like Facebook these days, for late adopters.

Second that, I've got 2 dogs and a cat 😂

you have your whole life ahead. There are apps for older people - use them and also get out and do stuff.
Embrace the freedom and new life you have.
Good luck and good hunting!!!

Have a look at EVEN it's a dating site for single parents.

He was already my friend.

At 41 and after a 16 year relationship and 2 kids, I went onto Tinder with the mindset of learning how they work. I found the potential catfish, men in relationships etc but learnt to delete a match as soon as I felt weird.
After a couple of months I met the most delightful younger man (by 12 years) and we’re happily sitting watching the rugby with our puppy 3 years later!

I generally had positive experiences on the apps at 34/35, though that was seven years ago now and I hear they've got worse since. That doesn't mean of course that there won't still be good people on them, most single people post 30 do seem to use them as it's an awful lot harder to meet attractive single people just incidentally when you're not young.

I met my partner on Bumble anyway, which at the time seemed to have the best quality:quantity ratio. I tried to enjoy dating in general as a way of being introduced to pubs/bars I hadn't been to before. The main takeaway I had from the experience was that if someone seemed like a "well, maaaaaybe" on the app then they'd invariably turn out to be a no when we met.

I met my partner online just before my 50th birthday. I'm forever grateful to that dating app.