Meal prepping dinners as a Valentine’s gift? Am I overthinking this?

[Poxi]

I decided I was going to meal prep some healthy meals that my partner can freeze. Along with some sweet treats ie cookie dough. He’s sitting very intense exams for work right now so thought it was nice. He’s living off crap food right now when I don’t cook for him. He’s literally studying a working for 16-18 hours.

I don’t know there’s something about it that just gives me the ick. Partner is a very good cook and hasn’t asked for this. Am I being weird? I don’t know it’s just making me feel like his mum. Partner is not one of those loser men that can’t take care of himself in fact he does a very good job of it and his flat is immaculate and very well organised.

I think he would appreciate it but I don’t know why I’ve started to be really put off by the idea. Am I just overthinking this?

i think im just put off by the dynamic it would establish. But then again its just doing a nice thing which would be appreciated so i think im just being very weird and overthinking it

Why don’t you post what you are planning to do (including recipes) as a Valentines gift for us all. Because I would bloody love someone to do it for me.

Maybe it's because it isn't very Valentine's-y?

I think it's a great gesture, very supportive, but maybe that gesture and the occasion don't quite match.

Nothing special I planned to make:

• spinach and chickpea curry
• fish pie (good food recipe for cheese sauce plus leeks and fish pie mix)
• chicken pot pie (Wolfgang Puck’s recipe - very easy. Recommend using frozen veg to save time)
• lasagna
• tomato soup (Davina McCall’s recipe - love it with roasted red pepper)

• cookie dough

We’re seeing each other on Sunday and I’m supposed to be going to the shops now but just thinking I might not do this

I don’t know I think it feels a bit try hard/pick me.

You're showing that you care and love him. Valentines is about love.

As long as it's not going to become you mothering him and it's a mutually supportive relationship then it's a genuinely lovely thing to do.

It is a nice thing to do, but yes, I totally see that it feels a bit weird.

I don't think I would like to do it, nor to receive that, TBH. I would feel that my partner felt I was incompetent and was trying to mother me, neither being things I want in a relationship.

Why don't you talk to him about it first and say "hey, I see you're super busy with study ATM, I was thinking about doing this, is it something that you'd like?"
It's not the kind of thing that needs to be a surprise, IMHO.

Do you think this is a one sided relationship?

So let me get this straight… you decided to do something thoughtful for your DP and then because it was a bit 1950s housewife it gave you the ick?

I’m with you on the mummying of grown men being a definite ick-factor. I’m amazed so many young women on mn fall in to that. But if you point out that this is a one off, as a treat, to show your support while he’s studying, I don’t think it’s too bad. (I’ve been married 30 years and could probably count on one hand the times I’ve ironed him a shirt or made him a midweek meal. Not very often. That’s not my job. But when he’s ill or stressed I will help him out - as he does for me).

No absolutely not. Bf is very thoughtful and puts in a lot of effort into the relationship

Totally over thinking it. Not even sure I understand your issue. Surely its more meaningful than a bottle fizz and stupid underwear

Is this your boyfriend or your partner? Because if he's genuinely your partner, I don't think you'd feel weird about it. If it's a relatively new relationship, then yeah it's a bit much. Maybe make a big massive lasagne for dinner and use the rest to stock his freezer. But it's not really a gift tbh. Will he get you a gift? I don't do valentine's.

I would love this! Dont doubt yourself. Its really nice.

I think it’s a nice idea and will be appreciated. The thought behind ‘why’ you came up with the idea is romantic - considering his needs and lightening his load.

I always get my dh a food related treat for Valentine’s Day, this is probably much more useful and appreciated than the Valentine’s cake I’ve just picked up! Sadly for my dh I can’t cook so that’s what he gets! I say go for it!

I wouldn't do it as a Valentine's gift.

I'd do it to help him out as it's a nice thing to do.

My immediate response was you're overthinking it.

But as a middle-aged independent woman, i'd get the ick if a partner did this for me. It would just seem too much and as if he was assuming I couldn't sort out my own nutritional needs/food. And possibly a bit controlling, as if they'd want me to eat what they think is healthy and not what I want which might not be.

But i'm from a very specific demographic which doesn't apply to you. I was just surprised by my internal thoughts when I imagined a partner doing it for me.

It’s a nice thing to do, but not as a valentine gift. Can you frame it that you’re cooking him some healthy meals, just to help him through his studies. I see it as being supportive.

Why does it have to be a Valentines thing?

You: "I know you've got a couple of weeks of intense exams ahead - I was wondering if might be useful if I made you some food to chuck in the fridge/freezer and heat up as and when you need it?"
Him:
a) "Yes please, that's really thoughtful and takes a task off my plate."
b) "No thanks. I've taken out Deliveroo Plus and I want to make the most of my membership and eat crap too because it's one fun thing in the middle of work and exam hell.

I'm not really a Valentines person, but if I was I think a card and maybe dinner out if he has time is fine. Fortunately for me I am (a) single and (b) my parents are coming across to take me out tomorrow... so my Valentines Lunch is with a septuagenarian and an octogenarian!

I have never forgotten the time my mother made me 30 (thirty!) frozen prepped meals as a Christmas present. I'd just moved into a new house and had been mega busy at work and had had some stresses and a change of job, and even though it was 25 years ago I've never forgotten how wonderful it was to have a proper cooked meal made by someone who cared about me to come home to after a long and stressful day. It was far superior to some random generic new house gift.

Since when did doing something nice/thoughtful/helpful for someone you love become ‘try hard/pick me’?

It sounds like something people do for new parents or if someone has died.

Will he have space in his freezer for all that? It is a lovely gesture & I would like someone to do this for me, but my freezer is always full.

I think it's romantic and more thoughtful than that you could have named them with silly love puns like "to show I love-asgne "

I don't get why you're linking it to Valentine's Day. Are you saying you wouldn't think about it if it wasn't Valentine's?

Don't frame it as a Valentine's present. It's not some grand romantic gesture, it's a practical way to support someone (I guess) you love. But why not ask him if it's something he'd like? Parteners talk to each other, find out what the other one needs/wants.

If a woman has a baby and you did meal prep for her, would you then feel like her mum or a really good friend?
Your dp who is usually good at feeding himself is going through an intense time and taking the quickest option here. If you could make it easier why wouldn’t you. I think it’s odd that you immediately felt like his mum here.
youre overthinking it.

No it’s a sweet idea. My husband absolutely loves when I freeze cookies etc that he can just bake.