Dh political views

[blueysmum5]

Not interested in getting into a big debate on political views. My dh, who has always been a labour voter, has over the past year changed his views entirely and is now saying he’s voting reform. Totally at odds with my views and beliefs. We’ve had many debates about it. He trots out lots of Nigel Farage tag lines (why do immigrants bypass France and other safe counties to come here is one of them). I asked him tonight if he’d truly be happy and satisfied with someone like Farage in a position of power and he said yes.

At this point I told him I think it’s best that we no longer discuss this. We will never agree. Him ranting at me will not change my views or moral outlook and vice versa. So there’s no point it will only lead to arguments. I’m all for differing opinions but he’s starting to piss me off and I won’t tolerate racist, narrow minded views around our dc.

As I said, I’m not interested in anyone here engaging in debates about why he’s right and I’m wrong, that’s not the point. We all have different views. I’m asking for the best way to shut down these conversations whenever they start in a calm way. Because there is literally no point in us going around in circles trying to convince each other of why our opinion is most valid when we are so far apart in it. A

Well maybe ask yourself, as you don't seem to see any reason for further discussion, what would shut you up? And then do that to your husband.

On the other hand, you could still use facts (not opinions) to counter act your husband.

You've already done it. You've told him you won't discuss it with him. If he tries to start Faraging, just remind him you won't discuss it and walk away. Do you need a new patio at all?

“I don’t want to discuss politics”

repeat.

@blueysmum5
I’m afraid there’s no alternative but to LTB.
Sorry you’re having to put up with him ranting on. Maybe just leave the room when he starts up.

I may resort to ear plugs. I don’t want to hear it. I’m not about to divorce over it but it actually could cause issues in our marriage if he doesn’t pack it in. He thinks it’s all just lively debate.

You are under no obligation to keep having discussions on this topic, so id stick with 'as discussed, please discuss politics with someone other than me'
And maybe if pushed
'I dont enjoy these conversations so im not sure why you keep pushing me to have them, neither of us are going to change our minds, so lets just leave it'

Do you have any concerns about what's prompted this change in him? How it might be affecting the kids?

is he trying to wear you down over to his way of thinking? I have a good friend who has gone from Labour to Reform and they just keep sort of nagging me about it. In particular they think they want me to explain in what way any of what they are saying isn't true (too much immigration blah blah blah). It's like watching some sort of 'born again Reformer' who has watched all the TikToks and truly believes they are only ones who can 'save us'.

I deliberately avoid getting sucked in and just say things like "we will have to agree to disagree" but that would be harder if it was my DH.

One of our kids is too little to understand at the moment. The other is older but kind of zones out like me when he starts ranting on. I’m confident they listen to me more, but my general approach in parenting is to let them make their own minds up whereas Dh likes to think his views are factual, not opinions and everyone should listen to his wisdom.

I think he’s been sucked into a lot of Tik Tok esq videos/propaganda and he also has a friend who is staunch reform so he’s probably been influenced by him too which is tragic.

You don’t live in PMQs though do you, he can “lively debate” on the internet or something with people who want to rebuttle his faraging. He sounds almost fanatical about it

Calmly say, “you already know that I am not prepared to discuss this further”.

If he still refuses to respect your (perfectly reasonable) request to refrain, tell him firmly to shut up. In the manner of scolding a naughty dog.

OMG! I couldn't be doing with this, and would simply tell him to take his racist views elsewhere, or alternatively shut the fuck up!!

Sorry OP. Honestly my libido would dry right up.
I would suggest a Paddington hard stare and if that doesn't work, an air horn.

Just shout “Boring. Boring. Boring” à la his beloved Farage every time he talks about him

I absolutely would divorce him. There is no way I could ever be attracted to someone with such vile political views. Easy for me to say I suppose as its never happened to me but I just can't imagine living with someone I have zero respect for because of his stupidity.

Wow, im so sorry you're going through this. Im guessing its impacting your relationship as a whole, too, if he's someone who likes to treat opinion as fact and wont respect your desire to not talk about it... or respect your opinions are different and think 'hmm maybe I should ease off in front of the kids'

Your eldest will still be influenced by him.

your youngest won't always 'be too young' & I don't believe they're ever too young anyway as they absorb attitudes & words/phrases long before they can form their own nasty views, they can parrot them.

i don't think it works to raise kids in a home where one parent has views that are deplorable to the other parent.

How are you ever going to discuss, as a family, racism, trans issues, disability benefits/care, basically anything?

and as others have said, I'd find it impossible to find him attractive whether that's just 'I live this man' or sexually.

i might not want to divorce the man I fell in love with or the kids Dad, but I'd definitely be wanting to divorce the person he's turned into. I know it's not easy, but neither will be living with someone whose view point has become so vile.

I think Labour voters were very happy when Labour ousted the Tories but Labour haven’t done what they hoped so they look for an alternative. I think there are many people out there who are choosing to vote against a party rather than for a party. This is how the reform party is growing in popularity.

Just keep repeating to him “I am not discussing this”. And refuse to discuss it.

It sounds like he’s been radicalised online if he’s changed his views that much. It would give me the ick on a massive scale and if nothing changed I would divorce him. These people do not realise how repulsive they are, on top of being boring.

I couldn’t be married to someone like him. There’s tolerance of different views but there comes a point where it is a question of fundamental morality.