To be really concerned about a six year old threatening to kill other kids and their parents?

[Octonaut4Life]

I need to hear from other parents/teachers about this I think. A few weeks ago my son, who is newly turned six, seemed to be getting more resistant to going to school. Eventually it turned out that a child in his class, who he plays with a lot, had been saying things like "I'll kill you" a lot to him - for example, if my child didn't want to play a certain game etc. We reported it to the school and were told the headteacher had dealt with it. My son seemed to brighten up again after a while, and it seemed this child was being much nicer to him. However from what my son says, the child frequently behaves really poorly and has physically assaulted other children.

Today my son came home and didn't seem himself. Apparently this child today said twice that he would kill my son and his mum and dad. My son says he told a lunchtime supervisor about this at the time, but the other kid denied it and the supervisor believed him. He didn't tell his class teacher who would have known about the history, and presumably the supervisor didn't tell her either.

I don't want to overreact but to me this feels like really abnormal and shocking behaviour for a six year old? The first time, I suppose I thought well - kids repeat things they've heard and perhaps don't understand the weight of it. But for him to be saying it again so soon and escalating it to now being a threat to the whole family, plus the other behaviour, feels very worrying and my son is unsurprisingly very upset. I guess I want to check what others feel is a proportionate reaction in this instance?

We've written to the school and spoken to DS and said it's probably best if he doesn't play with this child any more if he is so unkind. The child is supposed to be going to DS's birthday party in a week - do we uninvite him? What's reasonable to expect from the school in this instance? Is this kind of behaviour more normal among kids this age than I think? I really need external opinions. Thank you.

I'd tell school your son is being bullied by his peer and ask about how they plan to address it.

Keep the focus on your child, ask how school are safeguard his wellbeing etc. It does not really matter why the other child behaves this way.

I would watch him like a hawk at your son's birthday party. Would tell your son not to play with him and report any comments about killing as bullying incidents to the school.

Oh dear. We had a child like this in my son’s class. Threatened murder and violence all the time. He also WAS violent - to the point a teacher left the school after being seriously harmed - so some children believed he really was actually capable of seriously harming them too. In between these frequent moments of extreme deregulation he was a nice kid. Nevertheless, overall, he ruined a lot of children’s experience of school for years. He was autistic and adhd.

There are two sides to the way inclusion is implemented in this country: one where a child like the above is included, but the other where a lot of other children are terrorised and self-exclude from activities because they’re scared. We only talk about one side; to recognise the other is viewed by many as ablism (but in my opinion is a failure of child safeguarding). Inclusion in other countries might be different.

My 10 year old autistic son would say this, sometimes as a joke, and other times when he is so frustrated he is trying to think of the worst thing he could say. It's not something we say at home, even as a joke so I have no idea where.he got it from.

We had two close bereavements in the past few years, and he regularly asks when they are coming back. He has no solid understanding of death yet.

This little boy is probably the same, he doesn't fully realise what he is saying. I honestly think the best way to deal with this is to try and explain that to your son and encourage him to stay away from the child. There is only so much the school can do unfortunately.

Really think people are forgetting this is a child of six! Six years of age. Come on. Plenty of adults who have killed people didn’t threaten to do so as children, plenty of kids who’ve said I’ll kill them haven’t done so as adults. Obviously there’s crossover where they did and have but you can’t draw anything from that about this kid.

OP you need to remember your child is in class with this kid every day and the school aren’t excluding him for saying awful/silly things one playtime. You can’t exclude this child from a class party and send your son to be part of the class with him. It’s bullying him and undermining the school that a child can make mistakes and not be punished by adults in such a severe away. If it’s not a class party your child obviously has some positive relationship with him for you to invite him above others. You’ve said the parents don’t raise any red flags and this isn’t a regular thing.

Meh. I would rescind if my DS didn't want that child at his party. No details to mum before escalating at school.

Threats of harm are never "just bantz" and te quicker kids learn that, the better

I'd let him come to the party because it gives you a chance to see him for yourself. Meet one of the parents too.

With more information, you will be better able to support your ds.

The school and the kids parents can sort it out. A different parent excluding a six year old from a party they have already been invited to is pathetic. The children will continue to be in class together every day. Removing him from a future party over a comment he made in the playground that has been dealt with by relevant adults is beyond childish.

I would do the party 1:1 with this child and no faffing around.

And I would talk to the school. They need to step up. No child should be allowed threatned other children with 'I kill you or your family'.
I don't care about autism or ADHD As an excuse.

It's not okay!

I’ve know kids say stuff like this to get a rise. Reassure your son that you could batter this kid with one hand tied behind your back and your eyes closed. Encourage him to play with someone else.

and I would not have him at the party, and I would make sure his parents know why. I don’t make my kids have people who are mean to them at their parties even if it means leaving just one kid out. I won’t have them being anxious or upset on their day.

Two days ago a 13 year old broke into a school close to where I live, and tried to murder a 12 and a 13 year old, while shouting "Allahu Akbar". They are both still on life support I believe. So no, you are not unreasonable to be deeply concerned. You don't know how much hatred the child in question may be absorbing from his family.

I believe this is known as "suicidal empathy".

In the UK or? Haven't seen this in the news?

North West London (Brent). MSM like to bury these things on p17 if at all.

The police states the boys are in a non life-threatening condition. I have no words for the dreadful experiencethis is for children, parents and teachers..

The child won't gave a clue about the implications of what he is saying. There could well ge a Safeguarding issue with him, he is obviously hearing this language somewhere.
However you need to emphasise to your own so that the boy is being unpleasant bit very silly as he couldn't possibly do what he says.
Suggest your boy avoids him in the school playground but I wouldn't rescind the invitation, now that it has gone out. Do keep talking to the school, especially if this behaviour is repeated.

Different scenario altogether. I definitely wouldn’t be encouraging my son to ‘laugh it off’. He deserves to be taken seriously.

I wouldn’t rescind party invitation, but I would be asking one of the parents to stay and supervise.

I think the fact you observed him at the other party and felt he was a harmless but slightly giddy little boy is the best thing to go on. It sounds in this case like he is being daft not malicious. I would probably say to your son "What a silly thing to say, of course he's not going to kill anyone" and suggest that your son ignores it.

If you felt the little boy was displaying violent or bullying or otherwise worrying behaviour, I'd feel differently.

I don’t think OP should dismiss it. It sounds serious.

You can't uninvited a kid to party. You just need to supervise them closely.

Sounds like kid has issues. Could be a whole raft of things from bad parenting, or neurodiversity or maybe there's some trauma at home (dead grandparent? Dead pet?) down to kid just being a bully. Not your problem to fix it sounds like you've done enough.

it's not pathetic.

We are where we are now, with police dismissing complaints by women of threats of violence by their boyfriends as "banter" and "not serious"

Well, if we start by telling 6 year old boys it is not acceptable, maybe in 25 years other women may thank us?

If OP's DS doesn't want this child at his party, why the fuck should he have him there? I would never ever insist that my child had someone round to our house if they didn't like them or want them there. This child needs more supervision. And i wouldn't be giving the "oh be kind" speech to my child on their party.

so you carry on pandering to this nonsense if you like, but it does nobody any favours.

OP has already seen this child at a party. Getting in the other kids faces and being over boisterous.

But what should she do? Go to the police? MI5? Counter-terrorism?

They already told the school.

It's a little kid saying silly things he couldn't possibly follow through on.

That child wouldnt be coming to my kids party. I'd just explain to the parents that the boys aren't getting on right now and that their son keeps threatening to kill you, your husband and his son so you think its best they dont attend.

I'd also put it in writing to the school every time and want to understand what their safe guarding plan was.

And honestly I'd want my child in a different class.... I think its pretty disturbing and children are bring knives into school younger and younger.

Personally I'd rather overreact than underact...

You have done all you can I think. Personally I would not uninvite a 6 year old from a party as I think that’s a bit cruel. But I’d be watching him very closely at the party