Are your relationship deal breakers connected to your dad?

[Aronah]

Had a nice meal out with a girlfriend. And we were discussing deal breakers (friend is newly single and wanting to get out there).

I shared mine - short fuse, making mountains out of molehills, no sense of humour - and realised I am basically describing my dad! Thankfully I met someone who meets my requirements.

Just curious if this is the case for anyone else? Ie the traits you like / dislike the most are the ones your father exhibited?

Interesting question!

My parents have a very strong marraige. My dad has never made me feel uneasy or uncomfortable.

I think my dealbreakers are more closer connected to my first love. Teenage- Early 20s kind of love, the first relationship that truely mattered. For the first year or so, we adored each other, it was lovely but over time, he dropped more friends and hobbies to spend time with me. I didn't and maintained those things whereas he would have preferred to spend every moment together. It wasn't sinister or anything just innocent first love kind of thing.

It began to make me feel uneasy and uncomfortable as he'd want to tag along to everything, ask me to spent less time with friends, when will you be back messages. I began to feel smothered. He was always there or always in contact.

I've noticed in later years that one of my biggest deal breakers is a smotherer or a man who doesn't have his own life or interests. Works best when he has his time and I have my time and there's time together. A joined at a the hip, checking in regularly if I'm away etc, just isn't and never willl be for me. I'm certain it stems from first relationship.

That said, my parents are very much a unit but do have some seperate friends and hobbies as well as joint ones. I still think first relationship had a huge impact on dealbreakers but might just be a co-incidence.

My dad was amazing and I have always looked for men who had the same traits as him.

No, but my dad was mostly a kind man as far as I remember him.

DH is also kind and quite a lot like him.

Deal-breaker for me is any sort of controlling tendencies, thanks to XP.

You are right, OP. I didn't realise it when I was younger but ex was a right nasty piece of work but I never thought anything of it because I was used to men being horrible all the time.I just thought that was what they were all like. This was because my dad was extremely unpleasant. Took me a long time to choose a man who was the opposite to my dad and I'm much happier for it.

My deal breakers are controlling and abusive behaviours. This is due to my ex, and not my dad