Because I don’t have dinsey+?

[bettyblackdog]

i need an outside opinion. Obviously information provided is only from my view but I will try keep things neutral. Ex and I ended 2 years ago (after putting my head in the sand about a year before that), he moved out 18 months ago.

visitation schedule in on a 3 week rotation to work around his shift work.
week 1: Wednesday for a few hours, Friday-Sunday lunch time.
week 2: Wednesday for a few hours, Friday-Monday.
week 3: Saturday-Sunday.

I used to get every 4th weekend but that mean some weeks he would go from Sunday until the following Wednesday without seeing the kids and I felt bad, so they finished.

we have came to locker heads because I would ideally like to have the same contact week in, week out, he’s said no, because work. He wants me to be more flexible so he can pick up more overtime at work because life’s expensive, but in the next breath is asking to reduce child maintenance because he doesn’t want to fund my lifestyle and I’m not spending his money on the kids.
His reasons are as follows -
my daughters school shoes Velcro ripped after a week- I should have bought more expensive shoes so can’t complain.
On the Monday he took them to school he didn’t return the uniform in their bag from the Friday - I can’t complain because I haven’t returned the clothes the kids were wearing from when they returned the previous week.
The kids need new socks and their clothes are too small apparently.
I cancelled Disney+ because they weren’t watching it and now don’t have the choice to if they want to.
I bought my son a coat from Vinted so had another child’s name in it.
and last of all, I refuse to make tuna pasta for my son because he picks all the tuna out and won’t eat it.
I don’t feed the kids, he and the school do. So must be keeping his money.

ive offered 50/50 week on/week off or 4on/4 off whatever. He’s said no because work. If he’s going part time he wants full custody and to sponge off me.

I don’t know how to resolve this. I’ve got a phone call today with mediation, but looking for advice. Is this list he’s gave me so bad? Maybe my daughter’s leggings did look short because she had really long legs but no waist and they shrink in the tumble dryer but apart from that I don’t know.

Stop tumble drying clothes. I found clothes really did last much longer when I air dried them. I only use the tumble for knickers, socks and pyjamas now. Saved my fitted sheets too!

Th kids and you both need a structured routine. It’s not fair on them to be here there and everywhere. By the sound of his work schedule I doubt he’ll get full custody just because he wants it. I would personally be going to court and a strict schedule set that he has to adhere to

Valuable input to the OPs actual issue.

He wants to go part time but also wants more shifts. The things you list are just the way parenting is, you’ve offered 50/50, if he doesn’t accept this then let him take it to Court. If he’s hoping to get full custody, giving up work and you paying him maintenance, then you need proper legal advice.

Nailed it!

The ‘list’ is a pile of petty complaints and I’m sure you could draft a similar list regarding him. Ignore the list and see what you can do to agree something more standardised.

You seem to get all the weeks whereas he gets all/most of the weekends which doesn’t seem fair. He’s the Disney dad (albeit without the subscription - which he could fund himself!)

I think her daughter needing fewer new clothes will be helpful

I think a much simpler routine would be better for the kids. Also alternate weekends with you both so everyone gets quality time.

The complaints he's making are irrelevant and need grey rocked.

He’s also not going to get spousal maintenance no matter what shifts he drops.

I'd fight for half of weekends, it's not fair that he gets all the fun and relaxed time with them

I think he just means he will want the same amount he gives me in child support.

Yes, I think I’m going to request my weekend back minimum.

Stop basing your children’s contact time on his working hours, you are entitled to 50% of the weekends and school holidays and you should have them. He can get a new job, change his shifts etc if he wants to see DC more.

How you look after your DC during your contact time is down to you and nothing to do with him and vice versa so ignore any comments from him about the DC clothes etc. If he isn’t happy with what you provide he can go shopping and buy what he feels is suitable.

He won’t get full custody as you are both entitled to have your children 50% of the time. Unless the children are in danger or at risk from you no judge will give him full custody.

What you do need is court ordered access to put a stop to all of this.

I can never understand why a parent doesn't pick up from school on Friday, keeps all weekend and returns child to school Monday morning as a standard as surely this avoids the school uniform/weekend clothing problem that seems to rear its head all the time. This means you should both get equal weekend time as well. It's up to him how he gets the child to school during his contact time and it shouldn't be you - unless he pays you separately for it like he would for someone else.

Because in this case his shift rotation only allows this one weekend in three. And the issue this time is because my son has to go to school in pe kit Monday, so if ex doesn’t put Fridays uniform in their bag then I’m a set short.

You need to make sure that you get half the weekends with your child, they deserve quality bonding time with you too.
Contact schedules can't all be about what suits him and his job. Mothers have to work around their children and organise child care and there is no reason that fathers can't do the same.
The list of complaints and threatening about money is ridiculous.

I would go for every other weekend and 1 evening mid week for him. You all need some stability.

There are plenty of jobs out there that don’t require shift work. Unless he’s a surgeon who has spent 20 years in training to reach this level of expertise, he can surely just change careers to one with more family friendly hours, like nearly single parent with children has to do.

As always dad doesn’t care about the kids needs only his own.

Locker heads?! 😂😂😂

Loggerheads. Every days a school day 😂😂

You definitely need to have weekends with your children as well, so you can have downtime with them.

I think if one parent works shifts, it's reasonable to arrange contact around those, but it needs to work for the children, and he needs to stop expecting you to change things to suit him.

I would suggest buying some extra uniform just to avoid stress over whether it's returned on time or not.

Parents have different approaches to what their children wear. If he doesn't like what you let them wear, he needs to deal with his feelings about it.

Having experienced a lot of these issues myself, I realised it's unlikely he is going to change. Building in as much predictability and consistency as possible (less conflict) and reducing the amount of stress I might have to experience was key.

I'd take your weekend back and make them available to him on his set weekends. If he moans, ignore him.

Let him take you to court, they won't hold with this flexibility, less child support bollocks. He'll be given a set pattern, you will get at least one in 4 weekends, I'd wager 2 and he'll be told to suck it up, they're his kids, he needs to pay.

It was initially one weekend a month as I work alternate weekends, that way we both have a weekend free each month. But he tells the kids how sad he’s going to be not seeing them and they feel they need to fix this by going there. It leaves me in a position of telling them no and appearing selfish or being too nice and giving in to what he wants.