What would an evidence-based approach to relationships look like?

[SafetyIsNotRadical]

If the risk of violence to women by a male partner is 1 in 3 [https://data.unwomen.org/global-database-on-violence-against-women] and we take it as seriously as the risks of smoking and various cancers, eg if 1 in 5 cancer deaths are caused by tobacco [https://ash.org.uk/resources/view/smoking-and-cancer] should there be a public health campaign warning women against cohabitation with men?

That first link does not say that the risk of violence perpetrated by a male partner is 1 in 3. It says 1 in 3 women have experienced violence and it is "often" a former or current partner.

No. If you had suggested everyone, no matter what their sexual preference be careful about moving in with someone that is different. Many men are abused too.

Healthcare is completely different to human emotions and environments. It's factual and based on years of research, for a start

1 in 3 seems to be quoted everywhere

https://www.who.int/news-room/fact-sheets/detail/violence-against-women

even if it’s 1 in 4 or 1 in 5, it doesn’t seem that cohabitation with men is safe

I think there's a bit of a difference between saying 1 in 3 women as opposed to how many men - thinking along the lines that one man is likely to have abused multiple partners and possibly female relatives which kind of changes the risk levels slightly. Then this stat also includes stranger violence or violence from an uncle/ brother/ father so not applicable to an intimate partner relationship.

So I think if you're wanting to look at it that way then the stats need to be more explicit.

Agree with the previous post.

Cohabitation with most men is safe.
And there are thousands of men with whom it is not safe to cohabit.

Being male isn't the only risk factor for violence - there will be behaviours and traits that further increase the risk.

As no-one can predict the future with total accuracy, education on risky behaviour and manipulation seems to be a good idea, as well as interventions to decrease whatever beliefs, experiences etc precede men's violence.

Surely the risk of violence is only there when co habiting with a violent man? The smoking analogy doesn't work because that's based on exposure to smoke, not chances of exposure to smoke. If a person is cohabiting with a non violent man then the chances of DV are almost zero.

Violence against women by men is endemic.
Violence against men by women is rare enough to attract much more attention because it is so rare by comparison.
But still someone always wants to remind us not to be mean about poor men if we want to talk about the risks women face and tell us that we have to be fair and “inclusive” to poor men.
No, we don’t.

Plus it can also depend on how equipped the woman in the scenario is to identify red flags in a relationship- some women will find this easier than others for valid reasons even though noone is immune - but this will also partially determine whether a relationship would end prior to violence occurring or not.

Rather than warning women to be against cohabitating with men, there should be more awareness for people on the early warning signs of domestic abuse and coercive control. Obviously it’s not as black and white as that. And a lot of vulnerable people will stay with abusive partners.

I don’t think anyone would take any notice.

It's not just about violence, it's about how women take on extra work in heterosexual relationships and make men's lives better in the process. Married men live longer and are happier. The evidence suggests more negative effects for women. I hope my DDs grow up to choose female partners, if they want to choose a partner. I do think they would be happier.

I don't know what supports if any are there for men at risk of being violent. Controlling and violent people are not well balanced happy people, that much is obvious. I think there should be a safe place where a man can go to seek help when the first impulses begin, that might be a violent feeling towards a teen girl who rejects him or the desire to track his first girlfriends every move. An early intervention support so to speak, the goal being to prevent DV or coercive control developing in the first place. That could be in conjunction with advice on how to recognise coercive control and how to quickly remove yourself. If an information campaign focused on both sides simultaneously I think there would be more support and those being controlled could leave easier at the first red flag, the controlling partner could also recognise the red flag too and have support to remove themselves and avoid the situation developing in the future. The end goal is less DV and less coercive relationships, so society should be doing whatever it takes to reduce this.

I agree that these resources should be available for men but think this will not stem the majority of DV cases because the majority of abusers think that their abusive acts are justified. In fact, they deliberately use anger and violence (threatened or actual) as tools to gain and maintain power and control. It's not because "he lost control". That's why these men abuse their wife but are as meek as lambs at work or when pulled over by cops. It's deliberately targeted violence.

At tehheart of it, violent men feel entitled to abuse their wife because of patriarchal attitudes towards women. It makes them feel superior and it allows them to dehumanise women and disregard their autonomy and humanity.

Lundy Bancroft (author of "Why does he do that") writes, "He learned this value system most likely from his father or another abusive man in his life. Or he learned this value system from society in general that teaches men that women are property, that men own women, they are entitled to, and they deserve control over them. Even the most liberal sounding man can have this value system."

So, really to stop DV, it's necessary to stop patriarchy from corrupting boys and to put systems in place that will deprogram the adult men. This is not a small task, because patriarchy benefits men economically and psychologically.