ADVICE NEEDED, overheard DS talking about drugs

[aliveandhealthy]

I overheard DS16 speaking about magic mushrooms whilst on the phone with his friend. Based on the conversation I have reason to believe he may be in possession or is going to be in possession of magic mushrooms. I haven't confronted him about what I heard yet as I'm not sure how to approach this situation. If this was anything else, I would've pretended not to have heard the conversation and minded my business, yet this is drugs we're talked about.

AIBU to consider searching his room? How would you approach this situation? I am considering having a serious, calm, conversation about the dangers of drugs.

Leave him to it! Most kids are into shrooms at one stage or another. Never me I didn’t try them but DB did.

Let him do drugs which are dangerous to his brain and health?

My DM got us a book on drugs which was quite good and factual.

They honestly won’t harm him. He will trip out, be sick and probably won’t try them again.

I'm not well versed in this topic, however how can a drug not harm him? I've heard so many horror stories about teens taking laced drugs, overdosing, and ending up in terrible condition. Also there's scientific evidence drug shrink brain size which is detrimental at his age!!!!

Always talk to Frank, OP:
https://talktofrank.com/drug/magic-mushrooms

I personally wouldn’t worry though would prefer them not to do this. It sounds like he will do this regardless of if you know or approve or not though.

I took hallucinogens including mushroom and acid in my youth - along with various other recreational drugs. Not proud, not ashamed.

I will say this. ANY hallucinogen will have quite a profound effect if taken in quantity. It can be a very intense and overwhelming experience and it's definitely not for everyone. It's all very well saying "just let him" but some kids will not handle it well at all. If it was weed, I'd be inclined to keep an eye, but with a hallucinogen, I think I'd step in.

My suggestion would be along the lines of "Look, I didn't mean to overhear but I did. I don't want to get into denials or you telling me you would never because of course you'd say that. All I will say is this: I don't want you to be experimenting with drugs. Your brain is young and still developing and hallucinogen's can be very intense and too much for some people. You also cannot be sure of what you are being given so please, please don't. But if you do, and if it goes pear shaped, call me and I will come and get you. Better that, than you putting yourself in danger. Do not read this as me condoning it, I am definitely not, but I am worried enough to make that offer and we will talk consequences afterwards, but you call me if things go wrong."

But said how you would say something like that.

I’d tell him to do them with someone he trusts, take a small amount, and call if he’s worried.

@Piknikthat’s good advice. I also was a mushroom and acid muncher in my youth and on the whole it was a very positive experience but I did have some challenging and potentially scary moments and some people I knew didn’t do well on them.

@piknik advice is good.
I took plenty of drugs in my youth and I'm now a boring middle aged woman. It was good at the time though and I was actually a fairly sensible teen (drugs were maybe more acceptable in the 90's? we had parents who dabbled in the 60s and 70s)
I have 3 DC 24,18 and 15 and they have all responded well to a factual approach about the effects of drugs on the body and brain.

Well telling teens not to do something isn't often a successful policy...

You can give him factual information but the fact is that at that age nothing is as powerful as peer pressure and if a group of his friends are doing it, he will want to join in. Telling teens 'no' doesn't tend to prevent the behaviour as much as sends it underground. Having enjoyed a pretty reckless youth of trying anything I was offered, I'm working on a policy with my kids that I will be honest about why they might want to and why they shouldn't do drugs but that overall I need them to do whatever they choose to do in the safest environment possible, be it drugs, alcohol, sex etc. I didn't have safe places to experiment and that ultimately put me in far more danger usually than the things I was doing. So I may not want my teens to do various things but if they decide to ignore that and do it anyway, I want to know where, when, who with and ideally it should be at home where I can help if something goes wrong. Not because I want to be 'the cool parent' but because my own experience makes me believe that's the safest way to do it.

Only you know whether you and he have the kind of relationship where you can openly talk about these things. You don't need to be the 'friend' parent but getting too authoritarian isn't likely to be that effective either. Try and keep any conversation neutral, unemotional and factual.

Oh and yes, drugs are a risky pastime but try not to blow it out of proportion. A quick toke of a joint or a weekend experiment with shrooms doesn't mean he's on the fast track to living on skid row with a nasty case of hepatitis and no future. Many, many of us have tried them, liked/disliked them but grown up and moved on with no ill effects. Some take them on a regular basis every weekend for years without any problems. Some of course do go a bit wrong but that's not a definite and is still the minority experience.

@Objectrelations and @Pussert Exactly!

It's all very well being cool and chill about it, but the reality is that unlike most recreational drugs, with Acid and Mushrooms it could be a laugh, a genuinely amazing experience, or it could go really wrong - it's literally the toss of a coin. I probably took hallucinogens I don't know... twenty odd times? And out of those, about eighteen times were positive but two were terrible. And terrible when you're tripping is REALLY terrible and even if you are with a really supportive group of people, it can be hard to dig yourself out of the hole.

Knowing that you can call a parent and they will come get you is the sort of safety net that can be the difference between freaking out and feeling safe and having a good time. It's such a psychological hit and miss and having an assurance like that in your pocket is gold dust.

OP - it can feel strange to offer support and reassurances, but these are crucial times and the trust you build now will serve you well. It doesn't mean you are being a 'cool mum' or condoning, it means you are recognising that teenagers are going to make teenage choices sometimes and keeping lines of communication open will serve you both well in the long run.

My DC are 19 and 20 and that's how me and DH have operated . And whilst we have still encountered all sorts of teenage shit along the way, sex and drugs (whilst featuring!) have been approached with caution, common sense, moderation and safety first and foremost. Talk to him.

My mum is a child of the 60s and was very relaxed about many things.

However, she made me promise never to try acid. A friend of hers did it in the 60s and had a bad trip. He still experiences them in flashback firm in 2026 as an old man.

I went on to try a number of drugs but never touched it.

I have the same rule for my DSs.

Ok so this can’t be real (I typically judge authenticity based on the amount of !!! used in a post… but just in case it is:

Take heart OP mushrooms aren’t the typical first drug experience, it’s likely if he’s taking them he’s been on other drugs and you haven’t noticed. So very normal teenage experiences.

This.
I would not expect my DS to avoid trying drugs as that's not realistic and I would take the approach I've always taken which is discuss the risks, talk about what he can put in place to minimise them and make sure he has as much information as possible. Magic mushrooms aren't actually dangerous but can be scary if you take too much ask me how I know so it's important to consider where you are going to be and with whom, and also how much you're planning on taking.

Even if you say no, he’s probably going to go and do it behind your back because that’s what kids do. The best thing you can do is offer a safe space where he feels he can talk to you, and also think about harm reduction. There are plenty of great social media channels where they talk about the do’s and dont’s of taking drugs safely

I have had this discussion with all 4 of mine several times. Only 1 of them have taken drugs and nothing I said is likely to change that.
I agree with what @Piknik says. But I would also add in between the best and safest course is to never take them, is to only take a small amount (say 5 magic mushrooms, or a quarter of a chunk of chocolate) and too wait at least an hour. Remind them that different people react differently and they don't want to have too much. Then if theh want to oy have a little more. Too much and they might get too high and though unlikely to do any long term damage could embarrass themselves (every teens worse fear) or do something dangerous. I always end my speech by saying " best not to do them the up is never worth the down. If you do them do a small amount and wait over an hour before doing more, and if you do them and fuck up give me a ring and I will always help you.