To think there's no such thing as a "soft life"?

[TheBestThingthatAlmostHappened]

Working is hard- regardless of if you are slogging away in a minimum wage job and still struggling to make ends meet, or under pressure in a high-stress, high pay role.

Surviving off benefits is hard.

Living off a partner and the stress and judgement that comes with that is hard.

Even being born into money is hard if you believe the stories coming out of those families.

AIBU to think that the current generation of young women being told to seek a "soft life" are being lied to and no such thing exists?

@CoastalGrey I think most people do - but I think some people decide to share it online to counteract the constant videos about girl bossing / corporate girl trends / climbing the ladder and give other views. I think it’s just one of those things people do to bring awareness to it! Otherwise it can seem like everyone in life is loving the 9-5, going above and beyond to progress at work being a “corporate baddie” etc like the trends show. I think it’s nice to have a balance of different lifestyles being shown, especially when I have an evening scroll 😂

I haven't seen one thread like that.

Which teenage girls? Your own? Then expose them to something else. It's your job as a parent.

There's bullshit all over the internet though, especially on Instagram and tiktok. This is just one example of it.

Is this like when all those tradwives accounts were prolific and then we all gave up our jobs to get up at 5am and churn butter? Oh yeah, that didn't happen.

As with everything else with social media trends it's all absolute bollocks. And only people who lack critical thinking / maturity go along with it / believe it's true. If young people are getting into this trend then they'll regret being so basic later on in life.

I know this at age 40, because when I was 18 I honestly thought marrying a man with a good career and being a SAHM was everything / a dream come true. Realised I was batshit in my 20s and saved myself.

No such thing as luck either. Life is just a series of choices and decisions.

People grow and change when theyake mistakes and have regrets (including moi)

Speak for yourself, Anna Wintour.

I personally can confirm I am now Amish, entirely due to such.

@TheBestThingthatAlmostHappened ah OK, I get you. Yes that's absolutely concerning as a parent. I guess it's too easy to say the teens should stay off social media. If I was that parent then I guess you'd have to give your opinion then leave them to it but not support them financially once they hit adulthood. Working PT doing something pleasant leads to a low income but for some that's worth the trade off. For others (most) they quickly realise it's not worth it and retrain and start over. Maybe people need to go through that learning curve. Also, many parents are very money focused and obsessed with higher education, they need to open their minds to the possibility that their children may be happier with a more frugal simpler life with more focus on self fulfilment than career progression. I hope and pray my kids are strong enough to see through SM trends and follow their own paths.

No, not my own, but some of their friends and some of my friends' daughters. I've told my own that there isn't an easy route. She can work hard, get a job she likes and pays well, but expect it to be hard work. If she chose not to and leave school without qualifications it will also be hard work living in poverty and working unstable, low paid jobs. If she marries a rich man and has nothing of her own to fall back on she's vulnerable. She has taken that on board.

But maybe I'm wrong and there really is an easy route to life that I've not found.

The question was, AIBU to think that there isn't such thing?

Not AIBU for coming across the trend or for knowing teenagers that use social media or for caring about the SM trends that are prevalent amongst young people.

If I wanted a profound and deep thinking discussion I wouldn't come to MN as any kind of discussion is interrupted by nonsensical comments like this.

Dostoevsky said exactly the same. It's a problem.

There are a lot of jobs in between minimum wage slogs and high stress, senior careers, many of which are quite cushty (mine included)

Im in my 60s and as a trailing spouse was 100% living off my partner. Contrary to what appears to be the norm on Mumsnet some relationships are actually ok and mutually loving and supportive! I’ve never felt like the less valuable or important person. I think I’ve had an easy life. I never had any problems at all filling my time or worrying if I’m being judged. I just don’t care 😅😅

The requirements to having a ‘soft’ life can’t just be how hard you work, there are other factors such as personal relationships and you and your families health.

Life can always be hard, but having experienced struggling at certain stages, I'd always want to be able to earn to help myself. We could all lose our job/be ill and need to rely on benefits at some point, but I would want to support myself whenever possible, not rely on others long term (again, I know some people have genuine situations where they must).
It seems wrong to encourage young women (or anyone, for that matter) to seek a soft life, partly because it could make their life much harder if they are reliant on someone else. Also, would they then teach their sons and daughters that they should expect to have a traditional gender stereotyped role (nothing wrong with a couple choosing that, but it shouldn't be presumed)?

No, my life is quite comfortable but it still requires work. And it also required a lot of work to get to this point, with a lot of set backs and false starts.

My point is that these girls are getting told, "Hey, don't be like your mum and dad working all their lives, here's an easy route!" and they are going to be out looking for something that doesn't exist instead of building something real.

If you start trying to get an education, build a career and find a solid partnership (if that's what you want of course) and so on in your late teens or early 20s it might take 15+ years for you to establish yourself but if you give up at 16 because you think you can have a soft life and start trying to chase that, looking for a rich guy who can "take care of you", then by the time your prefrontal cortex catches up you are 25 or 26 and you have to start from the beginning.

Maybe now with kids, and a self-employed ex who moved onto a younger model and pays no child maintenance, and no time or money to go back and complete your education. What then?

Or AIBU and actually it's easy to just marry a rich guy and be a SAHM?

I do see what you’re getting at actually, especially the increasing glamorisation of being a housewife with no financial independence. It’s ’trad wife’ in yoga leggings and biab nails.

I think a lot of the creators who put this sort of content out are Mormon, though you won’t hear them speak about that much.

😂

Yes, 2.

I don't know about a "soft life", but I think I have a nice, unstressful, enjoyable, comfortable life. A couple of things have gone wrong along the way, but overall I've been pretty lucky and life is looking very good right now. Almost "easy".

I think it depends partly on luck, partly on good choices, partly on the right attitude and not expecting things to be perfect, and being pefectly happy with that.

the soft life you describe may be possible, but it sounds soul destroying to me!

This. I'm a teacher. I've worked hard to get here and am.in a lovely school woth great colleagues and kids. I genuinely dont mind coming to work every day. I am a sp to teens and keep a lot of plates spinning but it's fine. I care about stuff I can control and shrug off stuff I can't. No idea about SM trend side of it but I think the mindset of life being hard or crap as your default is probably self fulfilling up to a point.