To let a 10 year old get the bus by herself?

[Cardemomtown]

DD is 10 and recently started a karate class in the next town which is from 5 pm to 6 pm. I've been driving her but now the evenings are getting lighter I am thinking she might start getting the bus by herself. None of the other kids in the class are coming from the same way so it'd be just her.

The bus stop our end is at the end of our road and on the other end she'd have to walk about 5 minutes down a high street. No changes. She already walks/cycles to school and round our town by herself or with friends but not much experience with buses. I'd catch it with her the first few times so she knows the route and she has a brick phone in case of emergencies. Children don't pay bus fare where we live so it's just getting on and off at the right places and making sure it's the right bus!

It'd be about 20 minutes on the bus each way.

This sounds fine doesn't it? Only reason I worry is that you can end up in an enclosed space on public transport with people you can't get away from and not everyone is nice. If I tell her to sit up front near the driver she should be OK?

She also had one not great experience on a bus when a group of her friends got on one in our town to go just down the road (as I say it's free so kids often do this) and it ended up being the wrong bus and went a way they weren't expecting. By the time they realised they were leaving our town they were already quite far away and ended up riding the bus for a long time before it came back around to our town. They were quite panicked although nothing bad happened, a nice woman did look after them and they all were able to call their parents. That was a while ago though and she's keen to give buses another try!

Yes she should be fine to do this IMO. Sitting nearish the driver is a good idea but she would be quite unlucky to have any problems. Teach her what to do if the bus goes in the wrong direction (get off, cross road, get one going the other way) and what to do if the bus doesn't come.

Awesome that she wants to try again. Independence is so important. Go for it. She needs to know that you have faith in her abilities.

Would your daughter have the courage to shout for help or to ask another passenger on the bus for assistance if she was being harassed or upset by another passenger. My DS age 10 would not, he’d just sit there and cry so it would be a no for him.

I’m 49 and I get random people that sit next to me on the bus sometimes and just start talking. As a young adult I’ve had some unsavoury men try to chat me up. The teenagers on our local buses can be very unruly now that bus travel is travel is free for them.

Yes, I know she'd be confident to ask for help as she did just that when she found herself on the bus going out of town. Although she was in a group then so a bit different but she's not shy about that kind of thing. They found a woman who told them what bus they were on and that it would be going right back where it came from if they just sat tight.

I know the practical side of it she would be very capable of.

And it's not because I can't be arsed to drive her in case anyone's thinking that (I know nobody said it), it's because I do think it would generally be good for her to learn how to get buses and be confident with that.

Are you sure the driver will allow it? Unaccompanied children may be against company policy. I wouldn't let my 10 year old travel alone on a bus as he is not nearly ready to do so.

Yes, children are definitely allowed on the bus by themselves.

My DD was doing this at 9. Her dad would see her onto the tram in our town. And then she’d get off in the next town where I work, and walk 10 mins round to my office.

We did it together a few times, then gradually worked up (me meeting her at the station, then halfway etc). Now I just get a text saying she’s on the tram, and then 20-30 mins later she appears at my desk.

I would suggest getting the bus with her a couple of times, and then if feasible try meeting her from the bus and walk to the club together, before she’s doing it alone.

Teach her about stranger danger - who she should approach if she has a problem. Bus driver or we say if theres no employee (if we’re in a shop for example) then look for another mummy and ask them for help. Similarly I would also discuss what to do if anything happens as she’s walking down the high street - which shops could she go into to ask for help.

DD is August born and when she started secondary school she had to take a bus from outside our house to the next village for secondary school. I was nervous so I did the journey there and back with her for the first week. After that she was good to go. Obviously buses at that time of the morning are usually packed with kids on the school run but I told her to stay up front by the driver anyway. She knew to ask for help it she was ever scared or worried about anything. She has a phone.

Another thing I would do is to make sure she has at least one parent’s phone number memorised. She left her phone once and panicked because she didn’t know my number off by heart (or her own!) so couldn’t call me. I’ve also given her a little diary with emergency contacts in it which she keeps in her school bag.

As a previous poster said, teach her about stranger danger and who the best people to ask for help are. She will be fine. DD is now 13 and her and her friends hop on the bus everywhere. Even London! She’s better at navigating public transport than I am!

All good tips, thanks! She has my phone number memorised and it's also on name stickers inside all her clothes and bags 😄

I will get her to learn her dad's as well for a back up.

I think its great for her and it's a pity more children don't do it. Maybe ask her karate teacher to send you a text when she arrives so you won't worry. Definitely have a chat with her about appropriate responses to something that makes her uncomfortable, like getting up and changing seats or asking a suitable person to intervene. I'm not specifically talking about dangerous situations but it could be a drunk person talking loudly to her or someone begging for money etc.

My dd took the bus from 10, one bus is pretty simple once they get the hang of it

I would also look at getting her an iPhone or similar that you can download Life360 or Find My on. I gave dd my old iPhone 6. I barely check dd’s location these days but it’s handy if she accidentally gets on the wrong bus. Dd has done this once before and I was able to track where she was and drive to get her. I do live in a pretty rough area just outside of London though, so it gives me peace of mind.

Yes it is totally fine and good for them

No you don't need 360 or anything to track your child even if she gets the wrong bus she can always ask the driver or another adult. She won't need collecting in the car. I'd only do that if the last bus had gone. It's all part of the learning curve of taking the bus by yourself and growing up. Don't need taxi of Mum and Dad to collect you if its gone a bit wrong just work it out and you'll never go wrong again.

For me living in a fairly small town I think it's enough that she can phone us if she needs, so we're happy with the Nokia brick for now.

If she misses a bus it's not a big deal because they're every 15 minutes at that time of day. Though I think I would certainly collect her long before the last bus if something had gone disastrously wrong because it would be dark by then and she'd be hungry.

After her experience getting on the wrong bus I am as sure as I can be that she's not going to do that again. She'll know to check the number and that it has our town as the destination on the display.

Is she 10yo / Year 6? Or 10yo / Year 5?

Year 6. Her birthday is in June.

And I know loads of Yr 7s get public transport to secondary so it's maybe a silly question to even think about it, but our secondary school is walking distance so I suppose it hasn't been on our radar. Plus the fact it'll be a bit later on in the evening and she won't be with her mates.

She has been walking to school and local clubs /shops and friends' houses by herself since the age of 8, though, so she's got plenty of experience of getting around independently, just not really with public transport.

I think it's fine. Just go over any likely scenario with her so she knows how to deal with it (including the possibility that she'll come across an unsavoury man - always sit on the aisle and not next to the window).

After a few practice runs with me she gave it a go today and the bus didn't stop (which I suspect means she didn't stand out and flag it down in time, was possibly looking the wrong way). So I have given her a lift to karate (she'd be late otherwise) and she's going to try again to get home!

Bit of a hiccup but hopefully she'll make it back all right. She has her phone to call me if everything goes wrong.

She arrived home safe and sound and very proud of herself. I'm very proud of her too, I knew she could do it but it's good to see it confirmed ☺️